To ask for the money back?

[Horses1]

Can’t decide if it’s embarrassing to ask! In the holidays I often take my kids friends on days out with us whilst their parents work. It works well on both sides- their kids get days out and I pick them up drop them off (they all work from home) and my kids have friends to play with. I’m more than happy to do this.

Its always been on the basis that they cover the costs for their kids- transfer ticket money and either bring a packed lunch or if they say they want they to have food out afterwards I let them know how much it cost and they transfer. Sometimes it’s cost me more for example if they bring packed lunches and they want ice creams but I don’t mind that.

It can all add up though as we go on quite a few days out - 1 a week so maybe 6 over the holidays. Last week the mum said she’d transfer after for her DS food - it came to about £15. I messaged her with the cost and she’s not transferred. Appreciate it’s £15 but it soon all adds up if I’m the one paying each time. Would you message again or just leave it? DH says leave it as it’s embarrassing but we don’t have lots of spare money and I have to plan the summer holidays to do this.

Embarrassing or ok to ask? Any suggestions how to do it going forward? Thanks

If she is a good friend and the children get along well. Maybe she is struggling this month and waiting for her next pay day? She’s probably just as embarrassed as you could you ask/ live without £15 closer to the end of the month.

Just ping her a friendly message. She probably got your first message whilst busy doing something else and completely forgot about it.

That is generous of you to take her child on trips, you shouldn’t have to ask twice for the money. If she doesn’t repay you as soon as you remind her I would look at taking a different child as company for your child next time.

You are very kind to take this child out on days out with you. If your friend has always paid before, then perhaps she just forgot?
Pop her a text to remind her.

This. Some people get delayed/busy. If she’s always transferred before, I’m sure she will again. I’d either leave it a few days before reminding or just bring it up in this way when she asks for the next time.

Of course you should send a reminder. It’s not embarrassing. Why would it be? I had to send someone a reminder about 6 times once, I wasn’t embarrassed but was a bit annoyed I had to keep reminding them. I don’t mind one or two - people are busy and things can slip their mind. If anyone should be embarrassed by not paying promptly though it’s your friend. Not you.

Never feel bad for asking! I often forget and am grateful for a reminder

You sound so lovely. Please ask OP. It’s not embarrassing. It may have slipped her mind

There’s some terribly mean-spirited posters here today. Why is it more fool OP to ‘provide free childcare’? She’s already detailed how it’s mutually beneficial. It’s not a race to summer holiday misery you know. Very good if you OP, hopefully she’s forgotten and needs a reminder. I’m sure she’ll be embarrassed.

This

If someone was taking my children on days out which help me work in the school holidays, I’d be falling over myself to not Only pay for my child’s lunch but also coffee / ice cream for the OP as well. I wouldn’t let her buy ice creams with no cost returned either.

How about writing it down? Exceptionally rude not paying someone back money as soon as you can!

Yes, I think @SassyTurtle probably does.

What a negative mindset. I'm glad I'm not her.

Perhaps you need a nap :)

Another vote for dropping her a friendly message, the end of term is crazy busy and if she’s usually prompt in paying then it’s almost certain it’s just slipped her mind.

FWIW, my friends and I have a similar setup in that we pay for our own kids on any excursions that cost money and aren’t birthday-related. Sounds perfectly normal and sensible to me.

Surely you've asked her by now, can you update 😂

Can you check your bank account that the money has gone to the right account as it hasn't come through

No it’s not at all unreasonable you certainly need to chase the outstanding payment, in the current climate everything counts, none of us have £ to fritter away and if the parents already WFH as you’ve said and that in itself saves £ commuting by train or car plus no buying coffee or lunch out, eat at home. They should be covering the costs of their kids going out with you. You’re saving them ££ on childcare. It just comes across as rude and selfish on their part and you shouldn’t have to ask twice!

Maybe she doesn't have the £15 ask her if she hasn't then give her a week and ask again meanwhile don't take her kids on anymore days out and tell her you can't afford to pay for them. Be honest about it.

100% ask. It is highly likely she has just forgotten, but if not, it's no harm to set a line in the sand.

“I’m so sorry to ask but I can’t trace the payment. Can you confirm when you sent it?” Then it’s a reminder but making it out to be your error and if she says “yes. I sent it” ask for evidence so you can “chase your bank”

normally works

I would say ‘ hi just a little reminder in case you’ve forgotten 🤣’ being a little bit jokey.
It’s easy to forget with busy lives.
A true friend won’t mind you asking😊

I'd leave it for now and wait for the next time she asks you to take her DS out

when tat happens to me , I just hit "resend". I don't get into iany further convo about it. it's easier that way - sometimes messages just go further down the read list and the recipient genuinely doesn't notice. sending "resend" brings them back up to the top.

Of course it is possible to lose bank details. It happens to me because my bank only keeps bank details of tge last20 payees. When I pay a new payee, one drops off the end of the list (first in, first out) so the details are lost and cannot be retrieved. If the details were included in the email requesting the £15 payment, the recipient may never have received it or may have deleted it inadvertently.