To ask for the money back?

[Horses1]

Can’t decide if it’s embarrassing to ask! In the holidays I often take my kids friends on days out with us whilst their parents work. It works well on both sides- their kids get days out and I pick them up drop them off (they all work from home) and my kids have friends to play with. I’m more than happy to do this.

Its always been on the basis that they cover the costs for their kids- transfer ticket money and either bring a packed lunch or if they say they want they to have food out afterwards I let them know how much it cost and they transfer. Sometimes it’s cost me more for example if they bring packed lunches and they want ice creams but I don’t mind that.

It can all add up though as we go on quite a few days out - 1 a week so maybe 6 over the holidays. Last week the mum said she’d transfer after for her DS food - it came to about £15. I messaged her with the cost and she’s not transferred. Appreciate it’s £15 but it soon all adds up if I’m the one paying each time. Would you message again or just leave it? DH says leave it as it’s embarrassing but we don’t have lots of spare money and I have to plan the summer holidays to do this.

Embarrassing or ok to ask? Any suggestions how to do it going forward? Thanks

Definitely remind her. "Hi I haven't received the £15, could you check it please x"

Dear friend.
Hope you saw my message about owing me £15 for Freddies lunch the other day. Not seen it arrive yet. In case you missed it here are my bank details. Thanks

She's probably just forgotten. Send her a gentle reminder.

Wow she is doing them a favour by looking after the children and taking them out for the day, saving the parents the cost of childcare and which the child may not enjoy going to, plus says she picks up and drops of to the parents house!
It's a mutually beneficial agreement and I would not expect to take someone out for the day and cover all costs unless it was my child's birthday day out. It is pretty reasonable for the parent to cover the costs of their child going. If it doesn't work for them then they should say that and look at booking into childcare instead.

Just ask, as if ordering food in a restaurant ie polite and friendly manner, and assume they'll do what you ask

This

I don't think this is someone being purposely cheeky or trying to get out of payment. They have just forgotten. No need to say anything to suggest bad intent on their part. Either message and say hi xxx hope you are having a good week. Can you let me know when you have sent me the money for last week? Sorry for chasing. Or do what previous poster said and just add it on to the bill for next time

Did you skip the part about it being a regular arrangement? did you only read the title of the thread, none of the content? Have you started on the bevies early tonight? 😂

What a strange thing to say.

You say you don’t mind but actually you do otherwise it wouldn’t be an issue

I don't see why it would be embarrassing for you to remind her, I'm sure she will be the one who is embarrassed when she realises shes forgotten.

Yes she should have paid within 24 hours of you sending the message really, but life sometimes gets in way and people are only human. If shes never not paid before then I don't understand why you wouldn't just send a quick reminder.

Is your DH always such a wet wipe?

It’s embarrassing to let people take advantage of you, not to stick up for yourself. This woman is already taking the piss if she doesn’t offer to cover all the children’s lunches occasionally considering she gets free childcare out of you.

Agree, you're not a pa sending out reminders for someone's maternity collection. Just short and factual.

The most casual would probably be leaving it until you were going to contact her next so the message isn't just about that but if not just "hi, just checking if you've had a chance to transfer the money for last week?" Is fine.

Just because you are someone who never forgets doesn't mean she is, and is doing it deliberately! Given she's always paid before she's probably just meant to do it and got distracted.

it really doesnt have to be a big deal at all but if you find it awkward maybe in the future tell her at the time, then if she still hasn't sent it over in a day or two send over a few pics of the kids from the day out saying "just remembered I took these and thought you'd like to see Jack enjoying the (whatever it is). BTW can't remember if I told you but it was £15 for food when you get a chance." Basically anything as an excuse for contact that isn't just asking for money, might feel less awkward - although, again, there's no need to feel like that either way.

You need to re read my post or take comprehension lessons… I said I don’t mind referring to the ice cream , if they have a packed lunch. Not a whole meal out- I absolutely do mind that and it want agreed.

This wasn’t a family day trip out where we invite them and don’t mind paying. This was an agreed holiday arrangement we do all the time so her child gets a day out and she has childcare and I’m happy to take as it keeps my kids happy. Works all round.

So no it’s not cringy but your interpretation really is!

Who are you talking to? Are you drunk ?

Not unreasonable to ask, you shouldn’t be out of pocket.

But going forward I’d do things differently and say if they want child to eat out/go somewhere with a cost then they need to send the child with money in their back or with the kids bank card so that you’re not left chasing afterwards.

No good deed goes unpunished, it would seem. How kind of you to help out with childcare. I hope it gets resolved.

@Flyswats "You just have to say - "can you send me that 15 quid for the food from last week? thanks!"" nails it for me. It comes over the most polite of the lot, to me. Far more so than tying yourself in knots typing out that maybe it's gone into the wrong account etc.

Whatever the arguments on th thread the poll is virtually unanimous at 98% YANBU.

if you are due to take her child out again this week that might trigger her memory but other that I’d probably say x

She hasn't purposely not paid.

Just remind her or ask her did she transfer - because she might have absent mindedly sent it to the wrong account or something.

I was a working parent - this arrangement would have been a lifesaver for me and I would be mortified if I forgot to pay and would be grateful had my friend kindly reminded me. So much better than letting resentment sneak in.

If she’s always paid in the past then it’s just slipped her mind. It happens. Just remind her and don’t think bad of her.

If she usually pays with no problems then I imagine she’s just forgotten with all the end of term chaos! Just bloody message her and I’d hazard a guess she’ll send it over.