To ask for the money back?

[Horses1]

Can’t decide if it’s embarrassing to ask! In the holidays I often take my kids friends on days out with us whilst their parents work. It works well on both sides- their kids get days out and I pick them up drop them off (they all work from home) and my kids have friends to play with. I’m more than happy to do this.

Its always been on the basis that they cover the costs for their kids- transfer ticket money and either bring a packed lunch or if they say they want they to have food out afterwards I let them know how much it cost and they transfer. Sometimes it’s cost me more for example if they bring packed lunches and they want ice creams but I don’t mind that.

It can all add up though as we go on quite a few days out - 1 a week so maybe 6 over the holidays. Last week the mum said she’d transfer after for her DS food - it came to about £15. I messaged her with the cost and she’s not transferred. Appreciate it’s £15 but it soon all adds up if I’m the one paying each time. Would you message again or just leave it? DH says leave it as it’s embarrassing but we don’t have lots of spare money and I have to plan the summer holidays to do this.

Embarrassing or ok to ask? Any suggestions how to do it going forward? Thanks

I occasionally forget to pay my therapist. Usually it's when I'm about to do it and something distracts me but because I've been about to do it, my brain considers it 'remembered' and then I forget it until something prompts me and I think Oh Fuck!

Just remind her.

It certainly sounds like your children's friends' parents are extremely lucky to have you available for what amounts to free childcare and never mind what they reimburse you for it's shame on them if they don't contribute over and above the actual costs.
You absolutely should give them a nudge (some posters have said maybe they've just forgotten, but if I owed someone in this situation it would be at the forefront of my mind night and day - by all means conveniently forget to pay your phone bill or your credit card but a friend who's doing this for them deserves a priority pass in the "pressing issues" queue).
I can't believe these people don't routinely say "Oh, do I owe you anything from last time?" or similar. So yes, a gentle reminder is definitely in order.

OMD, can you hear yourself?

At no point has anyone tried to 'excuse' it, but you are taking it to ridiculous levels! Oh the DISTRESS OP must be in to have had to SPEAK TO HER HUSBAND about it??!!! WTF, honestly. People forget things. If it's a pattern, it's a problem, but everyone is capable of forgetting something.

The woman has been paying for her kid for a long time and has never forgotten to pay before.

OP needs to remind her. I dare say the parent is going to be mortified and very apologetic.

It sounds like the system works well for all so I very much doubt it's been done on purpose.

@JustSawJohnny

Your reply to me is really aggressive.

I can hear myself, thank you for asking.

You come across as the exact type of mum i was describing. £15 to you is nothing and the delay might not be impactful. To someone else that £15 may mean a lot.

The way you have replied to me tells me that you do not understand this.

I am afraid that I agree with you and do not think that having to "tie yourself in knots" working about asking is on at all. I do not think it is "nasty" to ask politely again and if it is not forthcoming then you know that the agreement is not working and should end it. I cannot imagine "forgetting" when someone has done me such a big favour, I would be falling over myself to pay and would probably have cash waiting or pay up front as so many others say. To some people it is pennies, to others it is a significant amount of summer holiday spending. One has to have payment in the very front of one's mind if someone is doing a favour. However, if she truly has forgotten, am sure she will be apologetic and won't do it again.

It is very possible that she has forgotten. I am sure we have all done this, due to all the life stuff that comes our way.
I would just text her a reminder. I know it seems awkward, but, as you say, it all adds up.

Some things, like bills, humdrum stuff, yes you might forget until the red bill. However, someone doing you a favour is not one of them, period. It is rude and thoughtless. Period. And "sometimes forgetting to pay a therapist" is equally rude and thoughtless. I wonder how you would feel if your employer forgot to pay you one month? Because that is what it will be like for your therapist. She will have bills to pay too. All I see is entitled behaviour here. Wake up and be be better, all you have to do is set an alarm to pay your therapist. The message you are sending here is that you don't consider her worthy of you attention. If astonishes me you that cannot see that.

My goodness you seem like an extremely generous (and forgiving) person. These "friends" are very lucky to have you around - the world needs more people like you.