To ask for the money back?

[Horses1]

Can’t decide if it’s embarrassing to ask! In the holidays I often take my kids friends on days out with us whilst their parents work. It works well on both sides- their kids get days out and I pick them up drop them off (they all work from home) and my kids have friends to play with. I’m more than happy to do this.

Its always been on the basis that they cover the costs for their kids- transfer ticket money and either bring a packed lunch or if they say they want they to have food out afterwards I let them know how much it cost and they transfer. Sometimes it’s cost me more for example if they bring packed lunches and they want ice creams but I don’t mind that.

It can all add up though as we go on quite a few days out - 1 a week so maybe 6 over the holidays. Last week the mum said she’d transfer after for her DS food - it came to about £15. I messaged her with the cost and she’s not transferred. Appreciate it’s £15 but it soon all adds up if I’m the one paying each time. Would you message again or just leave it? DH says leave it as it’s embarrassing but we don’t have lots of spare money and I have to plan the summer holidays to do this.

Embarrassing or ok to ask? Any suggestions how to do it going forward? Thanks

Chase it and next time this mum pays in advance,

If it’s the first time she’s not paid promptly and you’re planning on taking her kid again over summer, I’d leave it for now - then on the next trip (assuming it’s in the next few weeks), give her a heads up that you’re planning x, approximate cost, and did she want to transfer that together with the £15 from last time? But if it’s going to be a while or you need the money, then just stop her a text -“ hiya, just reminding about the £15 from the last trip. Bobby is looking forward to another play date soon !”

Do they? And even if that is the case, from what the OP has said, the woman hasn't done this before. It's a one off. So jumping to the worst conclusion immediately, despite woman having no form for this behaviour whatsoever, just comes across as nasty.

I'm all for holding people accountable, but immediately jumping to the conclusion that you have is a bit much.

Another one coming to say do not use 'gentle reminder'. It's an extremely irritating phrase used to soften an instruction.

It's an instruction - she needs to pay you.

Where is the reciprocation in this? You say you don't mind/ it gives your child company but I hope you understand that the more you do for free, the higher expectations people develop.

Not embarrassing at all to remind her. It's in her interests to do so else you simply won't be able to take her kids anywhere anymore.

And where does it say that she's "lost bank details". She hasn't paid. That doesn't mean she's lost the bank details, she could have simply forgotten.

Give her a bit longer, she will almost certainly pay what she owes. Worry about it if she hasn't in another week or so but it is early days.

first answer nailed it

OP has sent a reminder already, she has also said she’s previously transferred money over. So, she already has her bank details. All I said is was it’s less headache just to take your own kids and pay for them, rather than worrying like this and chasing on being paid. OP has also said she’s not flushed with cash, so this £15 is important to her.

People in the comments have assumed she’s lost the bank details, when this really isn’t possible. Again, sounds like I’ve hit a nerve. Do you have form of doing this too? Forgetting to pay people?

Definitely remind. But also, I wouldn’t be taking them out. Playing at home or the park is a nice way to hang out with friends. Proper trips out I would only take my kids.

You're providing free childcare, (more fool you), so the least they can do is pay promptly whenever you ask for costs to be covered.

Message her again

Tell her again. Id be tempted to be giving a breakdown of cost. Did she give any stipulations on amount to be spent?

Literally lol

The op is providing free child care (she takes the children while the parents work ) and at a cost to herself.
You're being taken for a mug and you need to stop OP!
OR maybe next time tell her in advance what your plan is and what she will need to pay up front.
If she doesn't transfer it to you in advance then you simply don't turn up to collect her child 🤷🏻‍♀️
She will probably then try to make you feel guilty for disappointing her child 😬

Can’t believe that parents would send their kids without some pocket money to get ice cream/drinks/whatever. I would say that the mum has forgotten. Send her a gentle reminder and tell her you feel awkward asking again. Believe me she will feel more awkward and be sure to noT forget again.
You are right to remind her. You are doing her a huge favour. If it was me I would be mortified that I had forgotten, but so glad you reminded me.

I agree.

I have a head like a sieve and a couple of times I’ve thought I’ve sent money through and I haven’t.

I’d be relieved if someone reminded me and apologise straight away.

She hasn't sent a reminder. She didn't say that. She said that she told the other mum that she'd let her know how much it was and she sent the text to let her know the cost. There was no reminder. There was the one text with the cost.

Yes, the woman has sent money over before. Just because she's previously sent the money over every single time before doesn't mean that's he hasn't forgotten on this occasion. We all forget things sometimes. We all make mistakes.

You didn't "just say", you immediately jumped to the worst conclusion about someone. It's a hard enough world as it is with how angry and rude people can be these days, I'm not sure why you wouldn't just think that someone has simply forgotten rather than labelling her as a piss taker.

If you are going to be taking your friends children out again in the holiday's, drop the parents a message, just saying how excited your children are for the up coming holidays, so looking forward to spending time with they friends, again then add," just a quick thought did i remember to send you the amount of the"child food" from last time we went out" its not showing up in my bank transfers been so busy its only now I've realised about it with a silly emoji you chose best to remind nicely as your such good friends & we all forget things , they would do the same if it was the other way around no need for awkwardness you arexall friends if this helps at all

Well said!

Send her a brief reminder and make sure you don’t give her child another day out til she’s paid for the last one!

The only nerve you've hit is my nerve that's sick of nasty people like you who automatically jump to the worst conclusions about people. I cannot stand nasty minded people.

This piss take ticks so many boxes you might think it had been created by a large language model to make us all furious on your behalf op!😯

She literally let her know it’s cost £15, if someone messaged me saying it cost “£20” to take my child out then that would be my queue to pay. It’s very simple.

Again, sounds like I’ve hit a nerve and you have form of forgetting to pay people. Stay mad. But, learn to behave better.