To ask for the money back?

[Horses1]

Can’t decide if it’s embarrassing to ask! In the holidays I often take my kids friends on days out with us whilst their parents work. It works well on both sides- their kids get days out and I pick them up drop them off (they all work from home) and my kids have friends to play with. I’m more than happy to do this.

Its always been on the basis that they cover the costs for their kids- transfer ticket money and either bring a packed lunch or if they say they want they to have food out afterwards I let them know how much it cost and they transfer. Sometimes it’s cost me more for example if they bring packed lunches and they want ice creams but I don’t mind that.

It can all add up though as we go on quite a few days out - 1 a week so maybe 6 over the holidays. Last week the mum said she’d transfer after for her DS food - it came to about £15. I messaged her with the cost and she’s not transferred. Appreciate it’s £15 but it soon all adds up if I’m the one paying each time. Would you message again or just leave it? DH says leave it as it’s embarrassing but we don’t have lots of spare money and I have to plan the summer holidays to do this.

Embarrassing or ok to ask? Any suggestions how to do it going forward? Thanks

Hey x’s mum, just wondering if you sent in that £15 as I didn’t see it come in, just wanted to make sure it didn’t go to the wrong person or something. Let me know, thanks

You should have no qualms about ‘pestering’ her……. Seeing that she seems fine with being a cheeky f….r.

If you let it go she’ll keep on trying to take advantage of you being a soft touch your generosity.

If you’re likely to be doing more days in the hols and can manage without it for now I’d wait til she asks you to have him again and then say, “oh yeah I don’t think I’ve had the lunch money back from you from our trip to Legoland”

YANBU. Have they lost your bank details?

YANBU. Has they lost your bank details?

I would give her a week and then send the reminder. Bottom line is that you can't continually subsidise others if the payment doesn't come in a reasonable timeframe, so I wouldn't be taking her child out again until the money is received. Not trying to deprive the child but give the parent a boot up the bum.

Def chase it. She will have forgotten.

Gosh some people have the nerve dont they. How much money would she be spending for that one day in a summer club! Cheeky bastard. Hope you get your money back op

message again I certainly would! I’d just say “hi x hope you’re well. Just reminding you about the £15 lunch money from our last trip with x, if you could ping it over to me please” she’s probably just overlooked it (hopefully)

If I was the mum I would appreciate the reminder, as it would be that it had completely slipped my mind. I would pay you back the minute you told me the cost in reality, but sometimes stuff happens.

I’d presume they just forgot - easily done. I think you can ask or wait til you take them again and then say. ‘oh and it’s this much for this time and I didn’t get the payment for last one so that’s a total of…’

I would chase. She agreed to it, she’s forgotten or isn’t very prompt with these things but I’d be mortified if someone was too embarrassed to remind me.

Hi X, just a gentle reminder for the £15 for Ys day out with us if you don’t mind transferring asap. I’m happy to take all the kids out, it’s lovely company for Z but I’m trying to stick to a budget as it all adds up unfortunately. Hope you are having a lovely summer. We’ll be sorry when the good weather goes!

Seriously just check in and ask. I am forever grateful for people like you in my life but I do sometimes just need a reminder. Maybe over holidays get the cash upfront from them or if kids old enough tell parent to load it up to the kids cards that they may have x

Why would you be embarrassed to ask? That’s madness, especially if you’re short of money.

You are doing her a huge favour - don’t forget if she was having to pay for childcare it would be costing her a lot more!

Please no use of the word gentle in this context and fewer apologies! Just keep it factual.

The parents need to hand over cash to you when you collect the kids or transfer in advance. Its not fair for you to be put out from this. I wouldn't bother taking them again as they wouldn't have forgotten to pay you. They just want their kids to be treated for free. You should only take your kids out on day outs, saves this headache tbh.

If she's only ever not transfered this one time then it sounds like it's just slipped her mind, happens to us all. I'd appreciate the reminder, I'd hate to forget to send it on if it was me.

Agree don’t say “gentle reminder” as that sounds anything but! I imagine someone absolutely fuming when they write that

Why would you jump to the worst conclusion especially when the woman doesn't have form for it? It's a one off. Do you usually jump to the worst conclusions about people?

As a forgetful ADHD menopausal mum, I would appreciate a reminder rather than someone presuming I’m a CF.

Is there a discussion around cost of food etc? She may have been thinking it would be a fiver, or a tenner with an ice cream or whatever. She should still pay of course, but if you're all in the same boat financially it would probably be sensible to agree a budget in advance or have them given their kids cash.

I would definitely chase it up but I would make out that I thought she had forgotten.
(She probably hopes that you'll be too embarrassed to ask for the money or that you will forget).

Because statistically speaking people take advantage of situations like this. So many people borrow money but don’t pay it back. This is why. OP has also said “I messaged her with the cost and she’s not transferred. ”. So, she knows about the money but hasn’t transferred. How do you lose bank details? Lol

I absolutely would NOT call it a "gentle" reminder! Horrible!

don't be obesquious or "beg" just say "i haven't received your payment yet. Just in case you lost my details [paypal] [account details] - let me know when you make the transfer so i can let you know it has arrived"

You don't need to actually say this: unless payment received, their child is no longer welcome on days out.