To ask for the money back?

[Horses1]

Can’t decide if it’s embarrassing to ask! In the holidays I often take my kids friends on days out with us whilst their parents work. It works well on both sides- their kids get days out and I pick them up drop them off (they all work from home) and my kids have friends to play with. I’m more than happy to do this.

Its always been on the basis that they cover the costs for their kids- transfer ticket money and either bring a packed lunch or if they say they want they to have food out afterwards I let them know how much it cost and they transfer. Sometimes it’s cost me more for example if they bring packed lunches and they want ice creams but I don’t mind that.

It can all add up though as we go on quite a few days out - 1 a week so maybe 6 over the holidays. Last week the mum said she’d transfer after for her DS food - it came to about £15. I messaged her with the cost and she’s not transferred. Appreciate it’s £15 but it soon all adds up if I’m the one paying each time. Would you message again or just leave it? DH says leave it as it’s embarrassing but we don’t have lots of spare money and I have to plan the summer holidays to do this.

Embarrassing or ok to ask? Any suggestions how to do it going forward? Thanks

Okay 🤷🏽‍♀️

Don't be silly, OP. Nobody should expect you to take their kids out while they're working and foot the bill for it.

Just send a message reminding her.

Does she have form for not paying? If not, just send her a polite reminder, it may well be an innocent oversight.

"Hey hope you're ok, just a quick reminder about that £15!"

No need to be apologetic. You're taking THEIR kids out, the very least they can do is cover your costs!

Whenever I went out with my friends' families in the holidays (my friends would come with us too, it was quite equal) my mum would always give me money to buy ice creams for everyone, not just money to cover my own costs.

Just message her Op, say you can't see the £15 in your account, if she apologies and sends it, end of problem. If she still doesn't pay that's a different story

Be more assertive than this
hi x, can you please transfer the £15. Thanks!

Of course ask.
They owe you money.
Just a polite reminder would do.

Yeah she’s always paid before. And has my bank details as we’re always pinging over for things ( shared teacher Presents, joint stuff etc) .

I think I wrote on here as I’m someone who never forgets to pay. So to me I think she must have purposely not paid, but then again she’s working and busy so maybe she has just forgotten. I know we all work differently in our heads and I’m good at never forgetting to pay and it sits over me- but other people might not be like this.

I think it would be a good idea if I message as awkward as I feel. We’re friends as well , which is probably why I feel awkward but not that close friends we’re on relaxed terms.

To the people asking about the cost and if she agreed- yes I asked if she wanted to bring a packed lunch and she said buy his food up to £20 and she’ll transfer. So it was under and I did things like pack cartons for all the kids and crisps , so I reduced the costs spent at the cafe.

Also to add- If I could pay in cash I would get the cash from the parents before but everywhere we go is now cards only which is why I have the problem!

Just message her again and ask for the money. She doesn’t mind paying £20 for lunch because she’s getting free childcare and less headache for her making lunch. It’s your decision to do this though OP.

Absolutely fine to send a business-like reminder. "Don't seem to have received your transfer yet for the kids day out at X. Do you need my bank details again?" She's probably genuinely forgotten and will be grateful or she's a shameless grifter and won't care.

They need to transfer you money in advance before you take the kids out. Don’t take the kids until they’ve paid, then you won’t have this problem.

Ask her again. She won’t mind. Things are tight for everyone these days.

I have wealthy friends but if I owed them £15 I would make sure I paid it. She probably forgot. First post has given you a nice friendly text to send.

@Horses1 I'm just like you OP - dead-straight about money. In the past I've also felt embarrassed about reminding friends that they haven't paid me for something, but I've forced myself to do it. I still don't feel comfortable with it, but from my experience it has never been deliberate - they've simply been busy and forgotten or thought they had paid (and they've always been absolutely mortified when they realise they haven't paid me). So, ignore your DH and don't overthink it OP - send a quick message now: "Hi friend, I was just checking my online banking and I can't see the £15 you were going to transfer for your DS' food last week. Did I give you my bank details?" 😊

You should not be out of pocket for giving such amazing help to working parent friends in the holidays. In fact they should be showing their appreciation in various small ways. You should never have to remind them about their own children's expenses and from time to time they should also be saying something like ...thank you so much for your amazing help this summer. We appreciate it and our children love the days out. We've sent the lunch money and have also added £20 this time for all the kids to have ice cream. At the end of the holidays a decent thank you present for you wouldn't go amiss...Either flowers/chocolate/wine gift bag or a voucher for you and husband to have lunch out on your own when all the kids are back at school. The problem with being a generous person is that some types really take advantage. You've probably said something like you've said here ...Oh I don't mind and my kids like having your kids along. instead of cheeky friend thinking Thank goodness for an amazing friend like this they say ...oh @Horses1 loves kids and she volunteered. it's no bother to her.😱 It's always work being responsible for other people's kids and these people should be falling over themselves to make sure you don't feel taken for granted. Plenty parents on here would be so grateful to have a friend like you. I would be making myself less available OP unless they mend their ways. 💐

Just message her, if she’s always paid before I’m sure she has just forgotten.

Don’t say this it’s faffy and fluffy and unnecessarily long, if she’s a friend she’ll be fine with you chasing! Just say ‘Hi X, didn’t see the £15 for child’s lunch come into my account so please ping it over, thanks!’

She could well have forgotten. I’m a stickler for paying back money but I recently forgot even though I’d put a reminder on my phone for 6pm (and a handwritten note on the kitchen table!). I finally picked up my phone about 8pm saw the reminder and did it immediately.

Why is the OP a ‘fool’ for doing something nice for other people, which also happens to suit her and her kids? What a weirdly cynical attitude to life you have.

I would message again at a time when she is less likely to see the message, read and then forget about it. So if you know she works 9-5 I would wait til the evening. Poor excuse but I know some people might see a message and read it but then forget to reply or doing anything about it as they are distracted by other things.

You say you don't want to take cash from people because everywhere is card but you could still take the money, pay by card and then either have the cash available to use yourself or if you really wanted to pay it in at the bank. My mum's friend will do this as she doesn't like using her bank card so if they go out my mum pays on card and friend covers her cost by giving her cash.

You are already a bit of a mug as it sounds like you are providing people with free childcare so they could at least cover the costs promptly. I would also be considering asking for payments upfront and saying we are going to go the beach, I am happy to pay parking but if the kids want an ice cream could you please make sure they have some money towards this.

Just send another message it's not a big deal, she's probably just forgotten.

I didn't get that £15 for the day out. Can you check with your bank please.

Or wait till next time.

It was £8 and last Wednesday's was £15, thanks.

Send the message at a time when you know she'll be sitting down and will be free to do it.

Exactly. People sometimes get caught up in something else and forget. I don't see why some posters are getting het up or assuming CF behaviour. Just tell her she still owes you and ask her to transfer ASAP.

Send the message before it becomes too awkward. Also she could give the kid cash to give you and then you can still pay using your card. Even if her kid didn't spend the full £20 she's still getting a good deal with free childcare all day!