To ask for the money back?

[Horses1]

Can’t decide if it’s embarrassing to ask! In the holidays I often take my kids friends on days out with us whilst their parents work. It works well on both sides- their kids get days out and I pick them up drop them off (they all work from home) and my kids have friends to play with. I’m more than happy to do this.

Its always been on the basis that they cover the costs for their kids- transfer ticket money and either bring a packed lunch or if they say they want they to have food out afterwards I let them know how much it cost and they transfer. Sometimes it’s cost me more for example if they bring packed lunches and they want ice creams but I don’t mind that.

It can all add up though as we go on quite a few days out - 1 a week so maybe 6 over the holidays. Last week the mum said she’d transfer after for her DS food - it came to about £15. I messaged her with the cost and she’s not transferred. Appreciate it’s £15 but it soon all adds up if I’m the one paying each time. Would you message again or just leave it? DH says leave it as it’s embarrassing but we don’t have lots of spare money and I have to plan the summer holidays to do this.

Embarrassing or ok to ask? Any suggestions how to do it going forward? Thanks

Oh please chase, I totally forget to pay back a friend once and she nudged me the following week I was mortified as it went totally out of my head.

No, you’re nasty in how you jump to conclusions about complete strangers and the tone you use. You need to lighten up or at least learn how to have a constructive conversation without sounding like a total dick. I also don’t like to take other people’s kids out (way too much effort) so I agree with you there, but I haven’t automatically assumed the lady in question is a twat or is taking advantage. Believe it or not most people are decent human beings.

Can you comment this to other posters to have said the same? Thank you!

this thread took a bizarre turn.

From what i've read if you do someone a favour, end up out of pocket and want to ask for it back - or you support that action - you are nasty minded.

The preference is for OP to be walked all over and end up out of pocket, right?

batshit.

OMG don't send the gentle reminder one.

Just say Hi, I havent had the monet yet can you check it went to the right account? Muchas Gracias

Yup, all because I just don’t want the hassle of taking other people kids and want to spend time with my own. People forgetting to pay etc. I just don’t want the headache. How can someone forget to pay? If your job didn’t pay you your monthly salary, I doubt people would forget that? So, I genuinely don’t get it.

You sound like a very genuine lovely person to do this for your kids & friends.
But don't let ppl take advantage of you.
They should have the money ready and hand it to you at collection.
Even offer extra to get all the kids a treat, (as apprection).
I know it's awkward asking for money, text saying, hey can you send the £15 from last and week, thanks x, and going forward I would ask for cash only. No explanation.

As so often on mn the issue wouldn't arise if people learned to "use their words" (must remember to put that on the thread of "phrases that make you cringe")

Message again! I’d be mortified if I forgot and you said nothing. Life happens sometimes.

May well be a genuine mistake, forgot, thought they did it, did it wrong. I would query just say I was checking my bank and I don't seem to have got the £15 can you check it went through OK?

The other posters don’t get nasty or defensive like you do. Instead of back chatting everybody why don’t you listen to what people are saying? Maybe you are negative? Maybe you do jump to unfair conclusions? Just try be a bit kinder then you won’t get people responding to you the way they have, I’m not the only one who has called you out so obviously you are grating on people.

I would definitely message again but not during the work say as she may be busy with work, reply but then forget to do it. So can you message tonight at say 7 or 8pm when she should be free to actually action it? Or set up a delayed message to a time you know she’s free.

Ask again. If she's a decent sort she'll rush to pay and apologise. She won't think YOU are cheeky.

If she continues to "forget" or gets the huff then you'll know what you're dealing with and avoid doing her favours, especially ones that cost you money!

How am I nasty? Lol. I backchatted because I got thrown names at me, when I didn’t call anyone names. Again, sounds like you have form of forgetting people like other posters. Okay, I’m negative whatever blah. Really don’t care what a stranger on a forum thinks of me tbh.

The poster saying she was nasty minded was referring to the fact that the poster immediately went to the woman owing money being a CF, a nasty person and taking advantage of the OP. That is such a reach.

It didn't occur to her that it could have also been a simple, innocent mistake in that she forgot to pay. In recent updates the OP has stated that this is a good friend and they are often pinging each other money so it seems the latter explanation is nearer the truth.

'Just giving you a nudge about the £15 from last week'. That's all it takes, she will probably be horrified that she's been so tardy with it if you've not previously had issues with her.

Hi Other Parent, we will be going to X next month if your two want to join. The cost will be Y all-in. Can you also transfer the 15 from the last trip, it hasn't come in. See you soon.

I am English but lived overseas for a lot of years. I do think its really only the English who get embarrassed to ask for something they are due.

You just have to say - "can you send me that 15 quid for the food from last week? thanks!"

and she'll send it. you're not being rude / pushy / out of line / embarrassing you're due it.

I'm an absolute scatterbrain so try to write notes to remember important things like this. Honestly, I have forgotten in the past, 100% my fault, but I've been so upset when I've finally remembered and wished I'd been reminded. I can promise you it was absolutely never a choice, though.

If she's busy and has never forgotten before, I'd take the child on one more trip, let them know how much they owe you in total, clearly stating the 15 for the previous occasion, and then if you don't receive payment stop inviting the child to further days out and gird your loins for further reminders, even though uncomfortable.

You shouldn't have to remind her, of course, but you also shouldn't let her off for the money you're owed.

Definitely don't send this message.

yeah, its kind of smarmy

Have you never forgotten to do something?

its often called "taking the piss"

nah - to be fair we see a LOT of posts on here about CFs. Of course some people jumped to that conclusion.

The "nasty minded" attacks were bizarre

ETA
I also agree with the pp upthread who said it's an "English" problem. I live in Germany, firstly it would never have got this far since they would have sent the money as soon as you let them know. But if it did, say they forgot, then all you have to say is "can you send the fifteen quid" and it would be done. No embarassement, no "could you very kindly, if it's not too much bother, i really don't want to ask but i wondered if you might..." type of bollocks the English do.

This

Yes per your DH it's only £15 but it mounts up - if they were paying gif a holiday club it would have been a lot more £ and paid up front

If she still doesn't pay I would then not take her child in future and just take out the other friends children who do pay

Tbh my son is now 17 but if he were younger and you were doing this I would give you an amount ip front to cover cost etc so you were fully paid especially as you were helping me out