AIBU to think it's a bit cheeky to want our house (when we're not even in it)?

[Firstchoice333]

So, DH, the kids and I will be away soon, and some good friends of ours — who we've happily hosted when we're home — are visiting our city at the same time.
Instead of getting an AirBnb like normal humans, they've casually hinted that they could just "stay at ours" while we're away. You know, to "save a bit." 😬
DH is fine with it. Thinks it's no big deal. I, on the other hand, am firmly in the "strangers in my pants drawer" camp. Not that they'd snoop, but still — it just feels off. I’d never even think of asking to stay in a friend's home without them there. Have I turned into a Victorian maiden aunt, or is this just a bit CF?
So, AIBU to find the whole idea a bit... much?
TL;DR: Friends want to stay in our house while we’re away. DH thinks it’s fine. I think it’s weird. Enlighten me.

i have friends I would do that with no hesitation and some i am not comfortable with as much so hard to say. How long would that be?

No no no no no

Would not bother me at all. Sounds like a brilliant idea. These are your good friends. Your house is will be empty. You can save them money and ensure your house/ garden are looked after and secure while you are away. Why would you not?

She’s a really lovely person so I didn’t make a huge fuss but yes had it been me I would have thoroughly checked everything , but I am quite paranoid about leaving things on. Thankfully none of us smoked because I’m not sure if the place (and us) would have gone up when we walked through the door if someone had a cigarette in their hand. 😬

I have no problem saying "no" to people when it comes to this kind of favor. And I get asked A LOT.

Just say "sorry, we've got family staying" or "sorry, we'll have workmen there during that time with the water and electrics off" if you need to make an excuse.

Or just say "oh no, we are happy to host you while we're also at home, but really that's the only time"

whatever.

Nope.

I used to live in a popular tourist city and was away quite a lot. I had no issue with some people staying there without me.

The problem here is the type of people who would ask without you offering are exactly the people who could cause problems. If they can't afford their trip they shouldn't have arranged it.

I had a friend of a friend ask me once in company. We were having some drinks in our mutual friend's apartment. They had obviously discussed it with mutual friend possibly suggesting it as mutual friend was nodding enthusiastically at me when the woman asked.

I was so completely taken aback (we were in company, I didn't know this woman's surname even(, I got totally confused and overwhelmed and stammered "sorry... my house? when? why?" She then replied with the dates and said really cheerfully "because otherwise we would have to pay for a guesthouse" I remember sort of staring at her wondering if she was serious. Of course she would have to pay otherwise, that's kind of part of the deal of going for a holiday. Mutual friend then interjected reassuring me the dates were fine as she and I would be abroad together. I sat like a lemon nodding and saying I'd come back to her. Then "shouldn't i just take the keys now? It's not that far away. I might not see you in the meantime."

The next day, sober and with my thoughts collected I messaged mutual friend to say I've given it some thought and my answer is no. She then threw a full on strop. Her friend she told me is the 'nicest, most respectful person ever, I could not hope for a better guest.' I was so livid I didn't trust myself to answer.

In the times since I have heard of various instances of the friend creating drama around our friend. She also did end up in my house one time with mutual friend. They invited other people back and couldn't understand why I wasn't ok with their loser mates being on my couch getting wasted when I was starting my work day.

Don't do it.

Another point; it doesn't matter if everyone else would be fine with it. It's your space. End of.

@Firstchoice333 YANBU OP. Like you, I'm am also firmly in the "strangers in my pants drawer" camp 😂 and it would be one thing if I offered (because I absolutely trusted those friends) but for them to hint is definitely CF territory.
Alternatively, you could agree, but leave an array of eye-wateringly large sex toys lying around in the bathroom - bet they'd never ask again! 😂

Absolute no from me.

But I've fallen out with DP about similiar. At our previous house we let his friend stay at ours whilst we were away. Guest bedroom was set up for them....

Returned to find they'd invited guests who used our bedroom. And intended to stay another 6 days when we got home. DP was willing to let them all stay. I was an arsey cow and wanted them gone (I think I allowed for 2 more nights). I just came across as uptight and horrid so I'd go for not letting them stay in the 1st place.

I wouldn't fancy it personally....

It really depends on the level of friendship: there’s very few people I’d trust like this.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say no.

My in laws have tried this with visitors a few times - in laws live near us and don’t have enough room for visitors so if we’re away they say “oh Dave and Barbara plus their 3 kids and dog can stay at yours”. No they bloody can’t. I’ve refused every time but it still gets dropped in to conversation from time to time.

No, they are serious CFs.

Tell them, no sorry, we’ve got family staying.

It really depends on how much of a friend they were. Close friends I wouldn't have a problem at all - more of a friend that you see only when they're in the country then probably not. Though it would depend for me on what type of a person they were. I'd want to help for sure.

The idea of this gives me the creeps. If you are thinking of agreeing to it, check with your home insurance company first.

My OH wanted to do this and I got out of it by reading the small print on our home insurance. Our cover would have been void.

Mine would laugh and ask who was going to tell them.

I think it's a completely personal thing - some folk wouldn't hesitate to offer whereas others would absolutely hate the thought of someone living in their space. I'm a bit like you, and wouldn't feel comfortable either, and it's perfectly reasonable not to offer. It's irrelevant if hubby is ok with it, because you'd both have to be ok with it for it to be an actual option.

I wouldn't hesitate to offer. I've often done it for others. Think it's pretty selfish not to, to be honest

So it is MY house with my stuff? Why can’t I have that boundary

and why should having that boundary be pushed by those who don’t want to spend money paying for accommodation

This.

What's the problem? What do you think they are going to do? Nobody is interested in your knicker drawer.

Cheeky feekers, absolutley not !

Only a CF would even hint at this.
Say no and make sure Dh doesn't say yes by letting them know yourself.

This all made me think of this article...
https://www.upworthy.com/askers-vs-guessers

Some people are Askers, and in "ask culture," it's normal and expected to ask directly for the things you want. It's also normal to say no to such requests. Asking culture is upfront, direct, and generally okay with saying no and being told no. If you want something, you simply ask for it without an expectation of any particular answer.

Other people are Guessers, and in "guess culture," you don't ask for things unless you're quite sure the answer will be yes. You might drop hints or make vague allusions to what you want as you try to gauge whether the person would say yes, or even to get an offer without having to ask. If you think the answer might be no, you simply don't ask.

Where Askers and Guessers clash the most is in the saying no part. Askers know sometimes the answer will be no, but they ask anyway. Because Guessers won't ask if the answer might be no, they might assume Askers expect all of their asks to be answered with yes. Saying no is uncomfortable to a Guesser, so being put into the position of having to say no to someone's ask feels rude.

You’re perfectly in your rights to say no, so say no 🤷‍♀️ In my opinion, these are the sort of people who wouldn’t even return the favour so don’t put yourself out.

Personally I consider myself very lucky to have a lovely house. I remember when I was younger with not much money, I received the kindness of friends and strangers many times. I'm delighted to pay it forward to others, and allow others to stay for free and experience my city. I'd consider it selfish to leave my house empty, not being used by anyone at all, just sitting there doing nothing for anyone