AIBU to think it's a bit cheeky to want our house (when we're not even in it)?

[Firstchoice333]

So, DH, the kids and I will be away soon, and some good friends of ours — who we've happily hosted when we're home — are visiting our city at the same time.
Instead of getting an AirBnb like normal humans, they've casually hinted that they could just "stay at ours" while we're away. You know, to "save a bit." 😬
DH is fine with it. Thinks it's no big deal. I, on the other hand, am firmly in the "strangers in my pants drawer" camp. Not that they'd snoop, but still — it just feels off. I’d never even think of asking to stay in a friend's home without them there. Have I turned into a Victorian maiden aunt, or is this just a bit CF?
So, AIBU to find the whole idea a bit... much?
TL;DR: Friends want to stay in our house while we’re away. DH thinks it’s fine. I think it’s weird. Enlighten me.

I would have said no even before they’d finished speaking! I wouldn’t want to stay in any of my friends or family’s homes either.

Is 'enlighten me' the new 'discuss'?

Why should she? 😅 No is much easier.

I would not want anyone other than my parents staying at my house when gone, especially as these friends aren’t doing it to watch your house but to USE YOU. HELL NO.

My gut feeling is no. Not something I’d be particularly comfortable with. In saying that if I thought someone was really stuck for somewhere to stay (and didn’t just want a free holiday for example) I might consider it. It would be absolutely dependent on the person though.

Right off the bat my brother would be a no. How he lives in his house and how I live in mine are poles apart. He’s visited regularly enough that I know he just wouldn’t respect my home how I would expect and I’d come home to stuff dirty or damaged

No! If they cant afford the trip paying for accommodation then its not on you to fix that.

What is wrong with you - as you can see from the replies some are fine with the proposal so it's nothing to do with "our culture" is it.

Perhaps your username gives a clue why some people would not be happy with it..........

Yanbu.

I've vaguely considered asking friends/family for a favour like this, but when it boils down I have never actually suggested it because for each person who I am.close enough to that it wouldn't be a massively cheeky ask, I realise I really wouldn't want to travel there and not see them because I like them so much. Nor would I want to remedy that by overlapping but offsetting holiday dates a bit so that we could see them immediately before or after, because no one is at their best immediately before or after a holiday.

I think the only circumstances where this wouldn't apply would be if I had friends who lived somewhere where there is an annual event which is avoided by locals but which I wanted to attend. If they had said "oh god we always time our holiday to coincide with (event) as (city) just gets intolerable during (month)" and the event was one I wanted to attend but I knew my friends didn't want to, then it might be reasonable.

Gosh, I find this thread quite depressing. I frequently have friends stay in my flat while I’m away - it’s a win/win: someone looks after my plants and stops the post from building up, and my friend/s get a free stay in a nice city. I think lots of cities have too many airbnbs in them, driving down the availability of flats for people who actually want to live there, so I think helping friends (& even friends of friends) avoid using Airbnb is more sustainable for the city that I love to live in.

I can’t imagine worrying that my friends would “snoop” or judge me for having a dusty shelf or whatever - I’ve never done either of these things in someone else’s’ house so why would anyone do them in mine? I don’t have the kind of friendships where anyone judges anyone else for a dusty shelf and I’m astonished that anyone else does.

I’d allow good friends without a second thought.

id put clean bedding on before I left and leave them clean bedding to put on when they go.

I wouldn’t even have cinsidered close friends would have any interest in snooping through my underwear drawer - but then I’m not not friends with weirdos!

If they're good friends I would 100% offer this and my friends would do the same.

Lolz I do this all the time for friends

and I stay at others houses or we house swap

we ever stayed in random people we met in Thailands house in Malaysia one time while they were away 😆

they are staying in ours over Christmas while we are away

I’m amazed at the poll responses, with the vast majority considering this unreasonable. I’m not a very relaxed person, and I’d find it a bit stressful in this situation tbh but I wouldn’t consider it cheeky & would absolutely offer. I’d be really happy if someone could make use of my home instead of paying for accommodation.

I’m in Ireland, almost anyone I know would be the same so I’m wondering if that’s anything to do with the replies?

Exactly this!

I wouldn't be against it in principle but it depends 100% on what the friends are like!

Some I would happily leave in charge, especially as they could look after our kitties. Others, however...

Personally I think if it had been my idea to offer "oh you're coming to town for a few days while we're away? Shame we'll miss you but why don't you stay at ours? You can water the plants/feed the gerbil/be human burglar deterrents/get a big shop in for our return..."

But for them to ask? Hell no.

This is blatantly a chatGPT response to a prompt asking for a mumsnet style OP. The sentence structure and formatting is a dead giveaway.

That's very irresponsible on your friend's part. I can understand you being apprehensive after that but I would still trust my good friends to check these things and not burn my house down.

This and they hinted rather than asked

I wouldn’t like it and I wouldn’t allow it either……my home, my castle!
If anything went wrong and you needed to claim on your home insurance there might be a clause voiding claims if you weren’t in residence yourself…….a bit extreme perhaps but nevertheless worth considering. How can you be confident they’d lock up properly etc?

Exactly this. And if they did snoop in my underwear drawer, they would just find knickers, bras and socks. It would be very mundane but even if I had whips and chains, who gives a fuck.

Speak for yourself! We stayed a couple of times in a friend's house when she was away, it gave us a base and it gave her assurance that her house was safer from burglars but I never, ever opened drawers etc., wouldn't dream of it. She has also stayed in our house when we ere away to keep an eye on our teens.

Absolutely not from me.

I recently had to be in MIL’s house, with DH, when she wasn’t in and it felt really intrusive. I just couldn’t imagine staying in someone’s house when they’d gone on holiday.

Both view points are very widely held - they're not being unreasonable asking, you're not being unreasonable saying no.

My personal line in the sand is that I'm happy having people in the house (I've got a few different pets, so I actually prefer having someone in the house if I'm away) but I wouldn't want them sleeping in my bedroom.

I haven't RTWT but...on the one hand, I'm as territorial as a wolverine with a headache. Every fibre of my being protests at the thought of someone prowling around my private space. YNBU to object to the idea. On the other, I've been burgled (three times over) and for sheer awfulness, it left mere CFs in the dust. Can you frame their sojourn in your house as something that benefits you as well as them? Apart from deterring burglars, they can water plants, look after pets (most cats and probably dogs too, would rate staying in their own home with human company over a cattery or kennels) and make sure there are a few groceries waiting for you when you return.

I wouldn’t dream of snooping when staying in someone’s house. Anymore than I’d read someone’s diary or phone messages or peak through someone’s window.

I’d feel like some kind of sick voyeur if I did snoop - very uncomfortable with myself. I just wouldn’t.

Surely this is normal for the majority?