Retired in laws won’t come pick up dog before my due date

[Oli16]

I’m due on the 12th August with my DH first baby, we have a 5 year old staffy who we love and have agreed with my in laws that they will kindly look after him for the first couple of weeks whilst me and my partner settle in with our newborn at home. We then plan to introduce dog and baby when we’ve settled in a little bit with baby at home just us two (our dog is lovely but requires a lot of attention!)

My partner tonight said his parents “aren’t keen” on driving to London to come and pick up our dog (they live up north 4.5 hour drive each way) so want my partner to drive halfway to meet them to drop the dog off but this would be 9 days before my due date - which makes me VERY nervous that DH might be driving on the motorway whilst I might go into labour…

AIBU to be stressed out that DH would be leaving to drive 4 hours away 9 days before my due date? AIBU to be annoyed that my retired in laws won’t offer to come down to us, stay over and take the dog back with them?

I've never understood this sending away your dog when you have a baby nonsense.

Looking after a baby doesn't get miraculously easier after 2 weeks, if anything I'd say that's when it starts to get harder as the first week or so the baby sleeps loads. I say this as a mum of three (one who is 7 weeks old) who also has 4 large boisterous dogs!

I was nearly 10 when my brother was born. This was in the dark ages when women routinely stayed in hospital for 7-10 days after having a baby.

My DF took 2 weeks annual leave (no paternity leave in those days!) to look after me and our dog, and went back to work when DM and DB came home. The dog (German shepherd) was absolutely fine with the new baby.

It was the custom then to put babies out in the garden in the pram for a while during the day, so they could get fresh air. The dog used to sit by DB's pram, and when he woke, she would come and get my DM's attention. She was a very efficient baby monitor in the days before they were invented.

I've had 2 of my 4 babies while having a Staffordshire Bull Terrier at home. Obviously I was cautious around him/baby each time, but he was wonderful and truly lived up to the nanny dog status. I wouldn't have dreamt of sending him away for 2 weeks, he was part of the family. Doing this is OTT.

(and to the PP, American Staffies are a different breed to a Staffordshire Bull Terrier)

Also OP, my last labour (admittedly baby number 4), my OH stayed at home with the kids and I just laboured alone at the birthday centre with a midwife. It didn't make any difference, I'm always far too focused to pay any attention to anyone in the room with me. So if your husband is on the motorway, just get a taxi to the hospital and don't panic. The midwife is your true support. Your husband will get there when he can.

If it’s any help I was worried about how my dog would react when we bought home baby I was convinced in my irrational brain that he would eat the baby as he hadn’t been around lots of kids and would tolerate my friends but preferred to be at a distance from them. How wrong I was, OH introduced him and it was live at first sight for our pooch. In that moment they became partners in crime until he sadly passed away in 2018.

i wouldn’t send your dog away they are part of your family.

Haha! I played baby crying sounds from YT around my Cyprus poodle before I had my eldest. My family took the absolute piss out of me but I swear it helped!

He was a rescue so we didn't know much about him,but everytime he started wandering around the house as if he was looking for an actual baby - so we guessed he must have lived with one briefly before I adopted him. Once we brought the baby home,he took one good look and a sniff them went and sat in his bed which had a baby blanket from the hospital.

Ended up being a very easy introduction, he was in his home all the time and so was already used to new furniture/layout like baby gates, cot etc. We also made sure his bed,eating area and stuff wasn't moved.

She's right though, you didnt ask a question regarding what was best to do with a dog and new baby.

We had our DD’s dog when she gave birth; one less thing to worry about with walks etc. So I think that’s fine.

But equally, nine days before it’s highly unlikely that you will go into labour or that anything will happen within that four hour slot.

You in-laws are doing you a massive favour (we didn’t really want the dog and I bet they’re not thrilled but they’re doing it for you). They’ve said what works for them, so you need to listen.

My daughter had her baby last year she has a 7 year old staffy,(anyone who has owned one knows they can be a bit hyper). But I was at her house with the dog as she was in hospital for a week,she came home made a fuss of the dog the dog had a sniff of baby all good so far. Now it is the fun stage where baby thinks it’s funny to drop her food out of the highchair to feed the dog. Don’t send the dog away it will make it harder .Good luck for the birth.

Not always. I was just under 4 hours with my first and just under 2 with my second.

This is the OP’s first pregnancy. Labour will take a long time, guaranteed. Short labour for a first is unusual.

I think sending the dog away for that long is over the top. A night or so maybe but 9 days before then 2 weeks after your baby's born that's a long time for the dog and DILs.

Is there a,reason you can't go with you DP could make a day of it go for lunch etc.

I understand the nervousness around it all but sending the dog away just now might not be the best solution. We were really nervous about introducing our dog to our first born but followed lots of advice about installing baby gates, me going in to see the dog before the baby comes in and letting her sniff some of the baby clothes.

Luckily my dog was besotted with our baby and was great but there were times when we shut her out of the room or asked family &friends to take her for the day so she could get a good run around somewhere.

I think you need to do what’s best for you in this situation, if that’s keeping your dog away then do it, you know your dog better than anyone. However, you’ll need to be really sensitive when reintroducing the dog to your home as the home they knew will have changed drastically, they won’t be used to the smells or the crying sound and may become anxious. so if you’re going to have the dog stay elsewhere then I would
also think about a slow introduction so the dog isn’t moving straight back in all in one go, that might be a bit too much for them. Idont know if this is possible with your in laws living so far away.

I do think you’re being a bit unreasonable though both expecting the in-laws to travel the full way when they are already doing such a big favour for you .

So you didn’t actually want to know whether others thought you were being unreasonable. You have decided you aren’t, so you’re just dismissing the 98% who say you are, as unhelpful.

I've had staffys all of my adult life, so I know from my own experience that taking him from his home for a few weeks while you settle in with your baby and then bringing him back to introduce will be a far far far more difficult and not in the slightest bit calm. He's going to be beyond excited to see you both again, excited to be home, excited at the new smells and new things scattered everywhere, and you know how much that head and tail hurts and how much they lack any awareness of both.

I agree with a previous poster, get a dog walker now to get the routine in place and a house/dog sitter for your hospital stay. It'll be less stressful for you all.

But you're not the OP'S in-laws, who may have specific reasons for being unable to drive so far. In the past year I've gone from being able to drive very long distances without a qualm to suddenly getting very tired indeed if I do.

Ok that is good you’ve found a good one .
some are just a bunch of cages with dogs barking & crying are looking sad.

We had similar advice but in our case were told to send a wet nappy home so dogs .would recognise baby when we got home. We had 3 dogs, worked beautifully with 2 of them, eventually the one that couldn't accept baby was rehomed. I think the problem was we couldn't predict which one would have the problem, I feel guilty when I look back as I do think one slip up from us would have left our baby in a very dangerous position, if I could go back I'd have rehomed him before baby arrived although it broke my heart when he went.

You’re expecting them to drive for NINE hours to pick up YOUR dog which they have kindly agreed to dog sit for you (for a pretty long time at that). And then what, they have to drive for nine hours again to drop it back off afterwards?

No. This is not normal. If someone is looking after your animal for you, you take it to them. They are already doing to a huge favour and saving you the cost of putting the dog in kennels.

Just thinking about timing, you say they are having dog for the first couple of weeks but are sending him 9 days before you are due and first babies are often late so how long do you realistically think he will be away? If you first baby has similar timing to mine it will be over a month which is a long time.

I wish my parents were still alive to ask - my brother was born when I was almost 9 and we had a 6 year old Boxer dog. I can't remember what was done to introduce my baby brother to the dog but I know there were no issues, he loved my brother as much as he loved me and our elder brother and the 'baby' got his own Boxer dog as soon as he moved into his own home!

Driving into London is a mission, meeting halfway seems reasonable - but I'd keep the dog at home and introduce from day one. I'd worry the dog would see the baby as an intruder otherwise.

ps: everyone on Mumsnet has such a stick up their arse!!! But thanks for a sensible reply :)

You sound delightful.

@Oli16 They are very nice to mind the dog and even drive 2.5h each way to meet your husband halfway. You are lucky with in laws who are helpful and probably should learn to be more grateful. Your initial post did not sound very nice at all.
lots of people have dogs and then had babies, I kept mine around and introduced them on day 1

Retired people tend to be older and tireder, OP, hence why they have retired. Being retired doesn't mean having the same amount of energy and clear-headedness but more free time than younger people. Meeting DH with the dog halfway is still a generous offer, but surely there's a better option than sending the dog away at this point. Maybe a paid dog walker locally and/or a friendly neighbour who would do a bit of doggie day care would work better.

I look after dogs for a living. No way on earth would I be having a staffy in the house with a baby. Far too risky. I would not have trusted my husky with a baby either. Strong prey drive. Just don't chance it.

misses point of thread