Retired in laws won’t come pick up dog before my due date

[Oli16]

I’m due on the 12th August with my DH first baby, we have a 5 year old staffy who we love and have agreed with my in laws that they will kindly look after him for the first couple of weeks whilst me and my partner settle in with our newborn at home. We then plan to introduce dog and baby when we’ve settled in a little bit with baby at home just us two (our dog is lovely but requires a lot of attention!)

My partner tonight said his parents “aren’t keen” on driving to London to come and pick up our dog (they live up north 4.5 hour drive each way) so want my partner to drive halfway to meet them to drop the dog off but this would be 9 days before my due date - which makes me VERY nervous that DH might be driving on the motorway whilst I might go into labour…

AIBU to be stressed out that DH would be leaving to drive 4 hours away 9 days before my due date? AIBU to be annoyed that my retired in laws won’t offer to come down to us, stay over and take the dog back with them?

I could tell from the first post that this is a woman feeling a bit nervous and unsure. What's with all the snarkiness?

So the in laws look after it for how long? 2 years? 5 years? Forever?

Maybe look at the insults she posts when people don't agree with her.

@Oli16 I don't understand why a dog you have loved for good few years should be removed from their home whilst you give birth. It's so important to keep everything as normal as possible, which includes treating your as you usually would. The dog will be aware something is going on, and sending them away is cruel. It's best your dog is there to meet the baby when you come home with them, then slow introductions can take place.
If you send the dog away then they come back you have a wriggly screeching thing in its place the poor dog won't have a clue what's going on.
During both my pregnancies my dogs stayed at home, with someone walking and feeding them, first dog was a rottweiler and second time it was a boxer.
I never had a single issue, but obviously didn't leave the baby alone with them.
I think you are being extremely unreasonable and could cause issues further down the line. Your dog has been family for 5 years, let them be there when you bring the newest family member home!

ps: everyone on Mumsnet has such a stick up their arse!!! But thanks for a sensible reply :)

yeah, OP, everyone is wrong and you are right. I wonder why you came to us with this "problem" - just to have your idea confirmed and for us to all say how awful your in-laws are? or combined hundreds of babies worth of experience saying "keep the dog with you" or "don't be daft" or "that's a long way to drive, meet half way or take the dog"

Unless you’ve felt any twinges I really wouldn’t worry. First time labour generally takes ages and 9 days is a fair way off.

This is good advice

You’re forgetting that 4.5h each way is 9h in total. You can’t expect someone to do you a favour and then also break their backs in doing so.

send DH on his own to drop the dog off? Why do you need to be in the car? 😅

100% agree, the dog might find it more difficult coming back after a couple of weeks and finding a new addition usurping them when they are used to lots of attention.
Imo, and everyone thinks differently before someone pounces, I wouldn't send the dog away, it could give the wrong message to the dog possibly leading to resentment or jealousy.

Keep the dog in its own home. It will be fine.

Sending your dog away for the first couple of weeks is a really bad idea. You're setting yourself up for problems going forward.

You said you're not sure what other people do so here's what worked for my family:

-working with a dog trainer for advice (my dog is small and calm, I'd 100% prioritise this with an excitable staffy)

-putting baby gates up a long time before I gave birth and getting my dog really comfortable with being put in another room. This meant that I could easily separate the dog from the baby when needed (positive reinforcement with treats and a cosy place to relax helped).

-playing recordings of babies crying, starting quietly and increasing in volume as the dog became comfortable with the noise.

-putting things like the bouncer, changing caddy, and a couple of toys out long before the baby arrived. This meant they weren't novelties when the baby was born and our dog had already been trained to leave them alone. We also took him on a few pram walks without a baby to get him used to walking alongside it.

-DH took a blanket that smelled of the baby home for the dog to sniff before we came home

-making sure the dog still had enough attention and all his needs met

Good luck with everything OP. Having a dog and baby can be hard work, but it's fine as long as you put the work in.

Rehome I'm afraid. Never a popular opinion on MN, but safety first. I love dogs, I am sat with 5 now, but I just would not have a staffy with a baby.

Why are some many first time parents so dramatic. Give your head a wobble.

You are being very unreasonable. The thought wouldn’t have entered my head to part with our dog and 3 cats when DS1 was born, we are a family, pets included. Just something you need to do. Tbh I wonder if the in-law disagree with the idea and that’s why they are unwilling to support you on this, I don’t blame them at all. What will you do if baby number 2 arrives, send your toddler to the GP. I think you are overthinking things and once baby arrives everything will settle very quickly and you will wonder why you worried so much. Good luck.

Try reading the OP's snarky responses.

I had 2 dogs when I had my first child. Never thought of sending them anywhere, other than to my parents the day I went into labour (appreciate yours are further away so you can’t call them to do this).
Do you have someone that can look after your dog for the time you’re in hospital?

I’d also book for a dog walker for the first few weeks if you can.
Buy baby gates (usually for sale on marketplace quite cheaply) to separate you and the dog so you can introduce slowly. Buy the dog some new chew toys, a kong, snuffle mat to occupy him
He will adjust as will you all to a new baby.

I understand why you’re considering this but I think you’re just delaying the inevitable and possibly unsettling your dog. We brought a newborn home to two excitable staffies and there was no issue with the baby. We sent something home for them to smell with baby’s scent on it and tried to continue to make a fuss of them while closely managing all interactions. The dogs were more interested in us than the baby. They liked to be near her but figured quickly she wasn’t going to give them any attention or play with them. I would say I was a bit demented at home breastfeeding a newborn (often stuck on the couch) and trying to manage the dogs. We already had a dog walker and we doubled the walks for 3 months so that I could get more peace during the day, which worked well. A dog walker to tire the dog out might work well for you.

I agree it is unusual, however a long first labour cannot be guaranteed.

Honestly I wouldn't be sending the dog away, you will have to get on with it at some point so you may as well start as you mean to go on. Yes the early days with a baby are difficult but they are still difficult a few weeks/months/years later, it just changes.

I had 3 cats when I had my first baby, one of whom was very needy. We gave him as much attention as was realistic and only shut him out when we weren't there to supervise like if I went to the toilet.

Can you not train the dog to settle/leave or put up a baby gate? We started getting the cats used to being shut out of the room a couple of months before I was due just so that they were used to it and it wasn't a shock. Since we used to take it in turns sleeping in with the baby, the one who didn't have the baby had the cat.

I don't think you can expect anybody to drive such a long way twice just so you don't have to look after your dog for a few weeks. If they lived close by then fine although it's not something I would do but I don't think your plan is realistic. Can you not use kennels if you absolutely need to?

A human child is more important than a pet. I’d not have an untrained Staffie near any child. 🙄

I think for everyone's sake (yours, dogs, baby's, PILs) you should find a new home for that dog now.

We had 3 ddogs when ds was born. Way ott sending ddog away.

I agree. If the dog requires a lot of attention, the worse thing to do is send it away.

why should you in-laws drive so far to do you a favour???

If your waters haven’t broken when he leaves then the chances of you going into labour before he gets back are vanishingly small. You’re being very precious.

Totally agree with this.