Retired in laws won’t come pick up dog before my due date

[Oli16]

I’m due on the 12th August with my DH first baby, we have a 5 year old staffy who we love and have agreed with my in laws that they will kindly look after him for the first couple of weeks whilst me and my partner settle in with our newborn at home. We then plan to introduce dog and baby when we’ve settled in a little bit with baby at home just us two (our dog is lovely but requires a lot of attention!)

My partner tonight said his parents “aren’t keen” on driving to London to come and pick up our dog (they live up north 4.5 hour drive each way) so want my partner to drive halfway to meet them to drop the dog off but this would be 9 days before my due date - which makes me VERY nervous that DH might be driving on the motorway whilst I might go into labour…

AIBU to be stressed out that DH would be leaving to drive 4 hours away 9 days before my due date? AIBU to be annoyed that my retired in laws won’t offer to come down to us, stay over and take the dog back with them?

On a different note, one idea to introduce the baby to the dog is for your husband to bring home a singlet the baby has been wearing in hospital and let dog sniff it, but don’t give it to dog, much like the baby, we will hold them for dog to smell but dog doesn’t get to run off for a chew with baby. He can do this whilst you are in hospital with baby.

I think you're making a mistake sending the dog away. He will be super hyped up when he returns. It's better to keep everything as normal, just introduce the baby.
Get help with walks etc.
If you really need to send him, can't you go with?

If you are so confident that the dog will be fine with the baby, why are you doing all this?

I’m not sure Mumsnet is going to be for you OP if you behave like this , being rude , accusing all of us of having sticks up our arses. …..

In this case , this is definitely a you problem. Your poor in-laws are doing you a favour and you are throwing a strop.

Do stick around though , you could be one of those posters who always bring hilarity . Then we can reply
YABU
Surely no one is this entitled
I cry reverse

I'm in total agreement

when my dd had a baby she had a dog and used the honest midwife dog section talk to find out how to introduce the dog to the baby

it worked well in practice as its the dogs home and the baby was brought home to the dog not the other way around

the second baby the dog knew when I arrived back from the hospital, that there was a new person as he constantly sniffed only my arm i'd held the baby.

If you can bring home something that smells of baby to the house before baby arrives and let the dog smell the item - these things help.

if baby is 4 hours away thats not going to happen though, as taking a scent to another house and letting him smell isn't going to be the same

I totally get why it was your first idea as practically it solves the issue of not having to worry about dog and baby straight away.
My only worry would be that if he’s spent that time in another environment which, if your DIL are retired I assume would be very quiet plus he would be getting a lot of attention, may actually in the long term make the issue worse. Agree with pp that if he could stay at home with help from dog walkers etc that would be my personal choice.

The Honest Midwife offers a class called "Barkers & Babies" specifically designed to help families prepare their dogs for the arrival of a new baby. This class, led by an accredited dog trainer, provides tips and advice on introducing new sights, sounds, and smells to the dog, as well as teaching them appropriate behaviors around the baby.

Poor in laws and poor dog.
Unnecessary drama here.

if your DIL are retired I assume would be very quiet

Seems like they might actually have a life.

I wouldn't have a staffie around babies. They are lovely dogs but very prone to biting, even "lovingly" so. Which can cause irreversible damage to a baby. I would (sadly) rehome the dog to someone with older children (because they are very energetic and love to play).

Yanvvvvu. Your poor inlaws and dog. That's a very long journey. They doing you a favour so totally understand why they don't want to do that journey.

(they live up north 4.5 hour drive each way) so want my partner to drive halfway to meet them to drop the dog off but this would be 9 days before my due date - which makes me VERY nervous that DH might be driving on the motorway whilst I might go into labour…
AIBU to be stressed out that DH would be leaving to drive 4 hours away 9 days before my due date?

If your DH is meeting them half way, then he'll be no more than around 2 hours drive away from you, should you feel the need to phone him and tell him to get back home NOW. (Presumably he and the parents can plan so DH isn't driving through rush hour)

Which is a reasonable commute that many DHs to very pregnant wives will be doing 5 days a week

Labours for 1st babies aren't very often like you see in films, there's often no great rush or panic. They start off gently, like cramps, then get stronger over the hours. I knew I was in labour at 7am, waved my DH off to work because he had an important thing to get done that morning and phoned him at lunch to come home. Went to hospital about 4pm. Had the baby 10 hours later.

Congratulations OP 💐

Really? My dog goes to an amazing kennel, it’s the absolute best dog care solution we’ve ever had in 30 years of having dogs. She loves it there so much. (as do lots of friends dogs who recommended it.)

ps: everyone on Mumsnet has such a stick up their arse!!! But thanks for a sensible reply :)

You're a joy aren't you?

Loopy as fuck and utterly clueless, but sure......criticise us 🤣

People are being unkind, and it’s uncalled for. Yes you’re being unreasonable, but you’re also very pregnant and I for one was also unreasonable when I was expecting my first.

Sounds like you’re getting some good advice about introducing the dog and baby to each other, and your time now might be best spent baby/dog proofing and perhaps training the dog if you’re concerned about its behaviour.

Hope you have a healthy rest of your pregnancy and that the birth goes well x

keep the dog home. Dont send him away. Its scary when you have a dog and your first baby, but if this is your own dog that youve had for 5 years, then he will already know that something is up.
He will need extra walks and training and a bit of extra fuss.A lot of supervision, but your suggestion of sending him away for a bit, is not a good idea.

Poor dog...

Wouldn’t it be risky to send your dog away and then they come back to a baby too? Wouldn’t that make the dog more jealous

Not to mention more stressed and confused.

The poor animal will be uprooted from his home and his "pack", then get settled in, only to be uprooted again, taken back home, but home will be different and there'll be this new creature present.

I think sending the dog away is a huge mistake and likely to cause more difficulties in the poor dog adjusting to the change.

Ugh, you sound delightful, OP. 🙄

I would rehome your Staffy to someone with a great home who loves a Staffy for free.
Seriously, children are sometimes bitten by American Staffies.
Do some research.

You’re the exception then. Average length of Labour for 1st baby is around 10 hours for the first stage.

Honestly. This has to be a wind up? Keep the dog at home, it’s your dog so either you look after it or you do the travelling to take it to there you want it to be. As for your husband driving a couple of hours 9 days before your due date….come on, you need a reality check! My husband is a lorry driver and was driving miles away everyday til the very end of my pregnancy, never even crossed my mind

So he won’t be anymore than 2.5 hours away as he’s only going half way? It’s extremely unlikely if you went into labour you’d need him before then anyway. Nine days before I was still working an hour from home

Why do you have a dog?

I would start with the dog at home and see how you get on. Gates and maybe a crate as a safe space for him if he gets overwhelmed by the baby/lack of attention. Lots of info online on how to introduce dogs and babies which might be helpful.
In-laws as a backup if needed.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.