Retired in laws won’t come pick up dog before my due date

[Oli16]

I’m due on the 12th August with my DH first baby, we have a 5 year old staffy who we love and have agreed with my in laws that they will kindly look after him for the first couple of weeks whilst me and my partner settle in with our newborn at home. We then plan to introduce dog and baby when we’ve settled in a little bit with baby at home just us two (our dog is lovely but requires a lot of attention!)

My partner tonight said his parents “aren’t keen” on driving to London to come and pick up our dog (they live up north 4.5 hour drive each way) so want my partner to drive halfway to meet them to drop the dog off but this would be 9 days before my due date - which makes me VERY nervous that DH might be driving on the motorway whilst I might go into labour…

AIBU to be stressed out that DH would be leaving to drive 4 hours away 9 days before my due date? AIBU to be annoyed that my retired in laws won’t offer to come down to us, stay over and take the dog back with them?

I think you would be better off not bringing a stressed dog back to meet your baby for the first time, might be more likely to be seen as an interloper and cause jealousy.

Isn't the dog trained to stay downstairs or out of certain rooms or whatever/?

You are being ridiculous and have lost perspective.

unfair on your in-laws, unnecessary, and a very bad way of introducing a family pet to a child.

A 9 hour round trip is an immense undertaking. I'd only agree to that in an emergency. Taking on a staffie for that long is also a huge commitment, especially one that requires a lot of attention. If you are 2 weeks late they could have the dog for at least 5 weeks. My empathy is entirely with them. You're very lucky they agreed to it, definitely allow your husband to drive half way and start looking for a huge, expensive gift of thanks.

In what way is your dog a "nightmare"? That will be very challenging with a newborn.

Take a spare blanket with you to the hospital so it gets baby’s scent on it then when you come home give it to the dog so he knows it’s a familiar scent. I wouldn’t be sending my
dog away for weeks for him then come back to a massive change, it’s unfair!

Mine was super fast😰

It takes an average dog about 2 weeks to transfer its affections and allegiance from one person/ situation to another. We recently looked after a friend's dog for 7 weeks and for the first couple of weeks it was clearly wondering what was going on while settling into our routine. After the first fortnight it was our dog: our home was its home and it had bonded with us. So much so that when its owners arrived to take it back it wasn't thrilled to see them and didn't want to leave. Apparently it took more than a fortnight to settle back at home.

You might be making a massive mistake by sending the dog away, having it bond with your in-laws, then bringing it back home only for it to find that a baby has been brought into the house when it wasn't there. Get specialist advice, but I think you might be accidententally creating difficulties.

You sound entitled

As @lnks said, it's one of those posters.

OP: AIBU?
Majority of MN: Yes.
OP: No I'm not and you've all got sticks up your arses.
Majority of MN: 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Your inlaws are being perfectly reasonable.

Well, they are doing you a favour.
They are better than me - I wouldn't.

Sorry, but your dog, your problem.

Especially as your ILs are doing you a massive favour taking on a dog that they don't really know - especially one that you said yourself requires a lot of attention.

I'm sure they're happy to help out. I know my mum would do anything in the world to help out her adult children, but you do have to be reasonable.

Plus, the likelihood of baby making an appearance in the exact 4 hour window your partner is away, 9 days before your due date, is probably pretty close to zero.

This OP. Your dog will feel even more “left out” or pushed aside. I wouldn’t be sending the dog anywhere. You can look after animals and a newborn. I had three cats, horses, guinea pigs and rabbits and managed it all.

I've had 2 labours, first was 6 hours start to finish and a day early(induced due to movements) & second was a day late, 5 hour labor only 2 in the hospital as arrived at 8cm 😅

You're being incredibly precious.

Also, I'm concerned about why you want to send the dog away, he should be part of the family plus your partner will be there to walk him. Is the dog dangerous?

IMO you need to rehome that dog. Any dog that needs a lot of attention is going to be trouble around a newborn especially the staffie variety - one momentary loss of control and those jaws will do damage. As for expecting inlaws to drive so far to pick dog up, you are being ridiculous, they are doing you a big favour by agreeing to come part way and look after dog for two weeks. People come before dogs.

Entitled much. Your in-laws need to start as they mean to go on. Just because they are retired doesn't mean they have to be at your beck and call. They dont need to be doing 9 hour round trips to keep you happy.

Congratulations Op on your pending arrival. We have always had dogs since I left home so when our eldest arrived we had 2 dogs at home.
We packed a cheap baby blanket in our hospital bag and when our son arrived and had been cleaned up we wrapped him in that one, when visiting hours were finished my DH took that blanket home with it and left it where the dogs could have a good sniff.
We had already set up all the babies things in the house prior to his arrival so the dogs were used to them and used a travel cot with newborn shelf in downstairs instead of a Moses basket as travel cots are a lot sturdier if they accidentally get knocked.
When we were discharged my DH carried in the baby and I made sure I was empty handed so I could greet the dogs (we had been kept on for a week so they were very pleased to have me home).
I never forced interactions with the baby and dogs, I see some videos off people bringing the baby down to their level etc but I didn’t want to put any pressure on them.
We kept up the dogs usual routine, got a dog walker to take them out at their usual time that they had previously met etc
We now have had multiple dogs alongside our multiple children and I’ve never sent our dogs away.
Top tips I have are to stay calm, don’t over compensate and obviously never leave them together/in reach of each other. If your dog is used to having free access to the entire house now is the time to pop in a couple of baby gates so there are some restrictions in place (our dogs were only allowed in the lounge once they had had a good run so they used to hop straight up on the sofa for their snooze so we had a baby gate in the doorway to that room) and if it sleeps on the bed to encourage them to sleep in their own bed in your room.
Our dogs and kids are besties, is a wonderful relationship and teaches kids so much.
Staffies are known as nanny dogs and usually very good around children, family members have them and they love all the kids in the family.

I agree with this.
The dog will be much more happier and relaxed, being included straight away with new baby.

Rather than having to adapt to staying in a different home and then returning to a VERY different, unexpected situation in his own home.

Dogs are fine with new babies. Just introduce him gradually and supervise and you'll soon find he will become the baby's biggest ally and protector.

to be fair to OP, with my first, my waters didn't break and from noticing i was in labour to holding my baby was a shade under 4 hours

OP,
Didn't like the way you used the word "retired" in your title.

Often people seem to think that being retire means they have all the time in the world to cater to others needs.
But sometimes they don't, they often (hopefully) lead busy lives themselves.

No dog experience but I wouldn’t worry about your DH being a couple of hours away from you. The early signs of labour give you a LOT of warning the baby is imminent.

Nah, it shouldn't take 2 weeks, that must be a very anxious dog.

Sure... but that will be incredibly rare!

And lucky 😁