Retired in laws won’t come pick up dog before my due date

[Oli16]

I’m due on the 12th August with my DH first baby, we have a 5 year old staffy who we love and have agreed with my in laws that they will kindly look after him for the first couple of weeks whilst me and my partner settle in with our newborn at home. We then plan to introduce dog and baby when we’ve settled in a little bit with baby at home just us two (our dog is lovely but requires a lot of attention!)

My partner tonight said his parents “aren’t keen” on driving to London to come and pick up our dog (they live up north 4.5 hour drive each way) so want my partner to drive halfway to meet them to drop the dog off but this would be 9 days before my due date - which makes me VERY nervous that DH might be driving on the motorway whilst I might go into labour…

AIBU to be stressed out that DH would be leaving to drive 4 hours away 9 days before my due date? AIBU to be annoyed that my retired in laws won’t offer to come down to us, stay over and take the dog back with them?

Just to be clear - the child actually is more important than the dog here. But I'm sure you recognise that? Surely?

Sending your dog away and reintroducing him once baby is born is daft.

OP you know your dog. If you have the tiniest concern about your dog and the baby before/during/after your babies birth then the dog should go.

This is exactly good advice. Please understand that sending your dog away, even to a place he trusts, with such a change is going to at the very least confuse him and maybe make him behave out of character. Why wouldn't you just do introducing slowly and oversee their interactions?

When my very prem baby came home, I had 2 very docile but huge gentle giants. I was not worried for any sort of attack etc but clumsiness. First encounter was my dog putting his head very very gingerly into the basket a quick sniff and laid down next to them. I obviously oversaw every interaction and they were never left alone.

My point being if your dog is trusted, especially a Staffie and if he has shown no aggression and you are responsible parents and dog owners. There is no reason to send your dog away.

So they are taking the dog from 9 days before your due date to 2 weeks after the birth which could potentially be over a month and then a very confused and over-excited staffie is coming back to find your attention completely consumed by a small creature which has appeared in his absence.

Can't see what could go wrong.

Madness, I mean, personally, anyone with a Staffie doesn't really register on my normal register. Even more so if they have a baby. But you obviously have absolutely no idea of how babies and dogs work. Hint: big scary dogs and babies don't. Your poor inlaws. For goodness sake, people are bonkers these days.

OP,
We had a baby girl 4 years ago. We also had a lovely mature male lab. The dog instantly 'got it', and was very gentle & curious about his new little human companion. The lab was honestly the best influence we could have wished for on our little bundle of joy. As she grew up, she loved helping to feed him, & helping to put him to bed, and putting her teddies in with him whenever he was having a nap. It was all very cute & wholesome.

However, if he was a staffie I wouldn't have ever dared to try it tbh. These dogs are a very different breed to loving labs tbh, & have very different temperments, and can be very dangerous, frankly. I suspect the reason you want the in laws to take the dog for the initial weeks at all is you're a bit apprehensive. And you're right! The trouble is, with a staffie, you only need 1 bad day, or just 1 bad incident that will make you regret ever even considering keeping the dog.

So do yourself, your DH, your in laws & your unborn baby a really big favour, and rehome your (potentially) dangerous dog before your child arrives, so it never harms a member of your family. Good luck OP!!

Hopefully not in real life 😂

I don't know anything about dogs, but your plan is to send him away at 9 days to due date, and PIL to have him till 2 weeks after birth?

What if your baby is late?! You could be up to 2 weeks overdue! So that's 5 weeks potentially your PIL will have your dog?! Surely that can't be what you're intending?

Well, it's always interesting just reading the OP's posts. My sympathies are entirely with the in-laws and the dog.

You are ridulous, entitled and downright cruel to your dog.
Dogs are family he needs to be with his and you need to be more considerate towards people doing you a massive favour and stop being so selfish.

You’re being unreasonable, but pregnancy (late stages) tends to do that. My first was a very quick labour at 12 hours, and I’d had premature labour twice. I was told to expect at least 24 hours for a normal first time. I’d miss my dog too much to be separated weeks, we were parted for 48 hours with both dc. Couldn’t wait to get back to him. He also really helped get me up and moving when home. Make sure to send something with your dog with your smell to your in laws (as the baby will smell like you), and when born mail a baby blanket with the baby’s smell, have your in laws put it in the dog bed.

I think you need to keep the dog at home too, sending them away may create resentment when they get back and see a new baby. I've got an enthusiastic labradoodle - whilst I was in hospital we arranged for the dog walker to come (I did have a planned section so appreciate making plans when you don't know what's happening delivery wise may be difficult) and then DH took home baby clothes on the first night to let dog sniff to get used to the scent. When we got home kept baby in the car seat, pet dog calm down and then gradually introduced - dog really wasn't fussed.

YABU to expect your in laws to abide by your whims because they are retired.

Human child literally is more important. But I do think she should rehome. I wouldn’t trust a staffie that is scatty around a brand new defenseless baby. One issue and the dog and the baby will both be hurt (the baby possible seriously and the dog will then have to be put down).

The idea of having to have someone else’s nightmare dog, particularly a breed like a staffy would drive me up the wall. She’s lucky they even said yet!

YABU.
Your poor in-laws probably want to help you but asking anyone to drive all that way to look after your dog is totally unacceptable, plus you assume that just because they are retired they have the time to do a 9 hour round trip (which could end up longer if there are any roadworks) sitting in a hot car to sort out your dog care.
How on earth was that idea even reached?
Did you ask them or did they volunteer?
Why have you made your dog their problem?
Get a grip and sort out a nearby friend to have your dog and also think about how the dog would feel going away to a strange house only to return to a different environment with a new baby.
He is part of your family, You could be creating a massive problem in farming him out.
All in all, a very bad idea.

Agree.

They are doing you a favour so it should work when they want it too

It’s not hard, just do pretty much the same thing you would with a toddler and new baby! No one ships a toddler off for a few weeks, and I’ve never heard of anyone shipping a dog off. One dog and a baby is more than doable. You aren’t having octuplets or running a boarding kennel for dogs, just one baby, one dog🤷‍♀️.

Again, just pretty much the same steps you’d take when bringing g baby home to their toddler sibling. If you have a c-section, then hire a dog walker for a several weeks once DH returns to work, he can walk it when home surely? If you don’t have a C-section, you walking it would be the best thing, gets you out of the house, into fresh air and a nice break from a baby stuck on your boob as some ‘me time’. Just do it immediately after a feed.

There is no way I would drive into London end of.

You are being entitled and lacking in compassion to expect them to do this

Find your grace and stop being a Princess

Silly sarcastic woman. Your replies to people are pathetic. Grow up princess!!

It’s irrelevant that they are retired. It’s more straining to drive those kind of distances as you get older so I think you are being entirely too precious about wanting them to do a 9 hour round trip

keep the dog at home and get a sitter

This isn't a breed thing, to those that are saying my labrador etc. But a staffy is xyz. It's how the dog has been raised and it's temperament.

Well cared for, settled staffys are often called "nanny dogs". There are way more biting incidents with retrievers who are very mouthy.

It just seems mumsnet generally is anti dog and baby, despite dogs up and down the country living completely fine with children and often being assistance dogs. It's a lot of effort for a dog to be a crazed killer dog 🙄 Most just want food and a belly rub. I could almost bet most anti dog children posts don't even have one.

That aside, I think that you would be best of paying for a dog behaviorist to discuss and watch your dog at home. I really think it's a bad idea sending a loyal pack member away that long. As many have said, most of the time they sniff as you introduce in the car seat, show a little more inquistiveness. Then as long as you keep their routines as it was before they really don't care. And sense that it's the pack member who they have smelt in you for 9 months plus!

What do you mean by ‘nightmare’? If you’re so scared about the dog meeting the baby then it’s probably for the best to find the dog a new home and you should’ve considered this before trying to conceive. Delaying their meeting isn’t going to make things easier.

You don’t think it’s fair for your husband to drive 4 hours, but you think it’s fine for you in laws to drive 9 hours? First babies are usually late too and labour takes several hours.