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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Retired in laws won’t come pick up dog before my due date

292 replies

Oli16 · 13/07/2025 22:00

I’m due on the 12th August with my DH first baby, we have a 5 year old staffy who we love and have agreed with my in laws that they will kindly look after him for the first couple of weeks whilst me and my partner settle in with our newborn at home. We then plan to introduce dog and baby when we’ve settled in a little bit with baby at home just us two (our dog is lovely but requires a lot of attention!)

My partner tonight said his parents “aren’t keen” on driving to London to come and pick up our dog (they live up north 4.5 hour drive each way) so want my partner to drive halfway to meet them to drop the dog off but this would be 9 days before my due date - which makes me VERY nervous that DH might be driving on the motorway whilst I might go into labour…

AIBU to be stressed out that DH would be leaving to drive 4 hours away 9 days before my due date? AIBU to be annoyed that my retired in laws won’t offer to come down to us, stay over and take the dog back with them?

OP posts:
BMW6 · 13/07/2025 22:32

Sending your dog away then bringing it back to meet your baby is the worst idea I've ever heard!

Absolutely stupid. Poor dog. Poor baby......

AbzMoz · 13/07/2025 22:33

It’s unreasonable to expect them to do the drive, but it’s far more unreasonable to uproot the dog. This is not a recommended approach for successfully introducing a baby.

This timetable of several days pre labour is stressful to the dog and likely to cause more anxiety.

DancingDucks · 13/07/2025 22:34

YABU. It's 9 days. You may even have had the baby by then. Even if you go into labour the second he walks out the door he could just come back and YABU to expect your in laws to do a 9 hour round trip. I also think it's mad to unsettle your dog like this too. We put ours on kennels for two nights and he was home as soon as DH was, it's his home too. I don't think what you're doing is a good idea at all.

flowersandfoil · 13/07/2025 22:35

As a dog owner, I think you’d be doing more damage to the dog to send it away for 2 weeks than to just keep the dog at home

GuevarasBeret · 13/07/2025 22:35

BaggyPJs · 13/07/2025 22:03

Why on earth are you sending your dog 4.5 hours away so you can settle in with a baby? It's the dogs home and you're just unsettling her even more by kicking her out and bringing her back to a different home.

Do what everyone else does, keep the dog separate and happy while you introduce the new human.

Yes OP, get your priorities straight: fur babies first!

Back in the real world, they are doing you a big favour, and you are being pretty ungrateful. (Sorry, but you are!) their suggestion is very practical.

DBSFstupid · 13/07/2025 22:36

And once again the pregnant woman has put the Dog to the bottom of the pile.
Sick of seeing the same old story peddled out on MN.
The next step will be the poor dog being re-homed.

Delphiniumandlupins · 13/07/2025 22:36

First baby, at the most your DH will be just over 2 hours away, if you have started labour he doesn't go. His parents obviously feel 4.5 hours, including driving into London is too much. They're doing you a favour. Had you mentioned them staying over or was your original plan that they should do 9 hours round trip in one day?

Rachie1973 · 13/07/2025 22:37

Oli16 · 13/07/2025 22:00

I’m due on the 12th August with my DH first baby, we have a 5 year old staffy who we love and have agreed with my in laws that they will kindly look after him for the first couple of weeks whilst me and my partner settle in with our newborn at home. We then plan to introduce dog and baby when we’ve settled in a little bit with baby at home just us two (our dog is lovely but requires a lot of attention!)

My partner tonight said his parents “aren’t keen” on driving to London to come and pick up our dog (they live up north 4.5 hour drive each way) so want my partner to drive halfway to meet them to drop the dog off but this would be 9 days before my due date - which makes me VERY nervous that DH might be driving on the motorway whilst I might go into labour…

AIBU to be stressed out that DH would be leaving to drive 4 hours away 9 days before my due date? AIBU to be annoyed that my retired in laws won’t offer to come down to us, stay over and take the dog back with them?

I’m shaking my head at the unnecessary kerfuffle.

saraclara · 13/07/2025 22:37

That's a really good easy to unsettle your dog. He spends two weeks away (which he doesn't understand) finally gets to come home, really excited to see his people, and gets there to find this 'thing' which appears to have taken his place.

It's pure madness. You're asking for the dog to hate and resent the baby. In fact you couldn't do a better job of it if you tried.

AngryBookworm · 13/07/2025 22:38

This seems incredibly dramatic of you. They're doing you a favour and it's not as though you're likely to go into labour at that time - but as PP have said even if you did, you can get a cab. Maybe give a local friend a heads up for that one day just in case?

They're having the dog for ages and doing you a huge favour so if you don't like their solution, feel free to pay for a dog sitter somewhere more convenient.

Ilovelifeverymuch · 13/07/2025 22:38

You sound very entitled, if you're so upset pay for a kernel for the dog.

justasmalltownmum · 13/07/2025 22:39

This is so dramatic.

ThatistheWayItIs · 13/07/2025 22:39

This just can't be real, another ‘click’ thread?

Up the traffic with a common, much discussed topic ( in laws)!

Daisy4569 · 13/07/2025 22:39

Um yes this whole thing sounds like an odd idea. You risk the dog feeling completely pushed out and reintegrating at a later date. I totally understand that you have reservations about introducing them but honestly my very bouncy and needy dog met both my little ones in 24 hours and you’d be surprised at how quickly they adapt. I wouldn’t have sent him away and risked him feeling confused on his return though.

StarDolphins · 13/07/2025 22:40

I would reconsider this. There’s absolutely no need imo for the dog to be away so you can settle the baby in. The dog will be far more unsettled with this set up. The dog will accept the baby fine and it’s the dogs home too. 100% wouldn’t be sending the dog anywhere. I was away one night haveung my DD and when I got back, baby and dog had loads of attention and then we all got on with it. No issues whatsoever. Treat your dog like any other family member that has to get used to a newcomer. He will have to get used to being back home AND a new baby, it’s going to be stressful for him. Just let him stay at home and wait for you & baby to get back. You wouldn’t send your kid away when you got a new puppy!

Yeoldlondoncheese · 13/07/2025 22:41

Brefugee · 13/07/2025 22:04

you are unreasonable to expect them to do everything your way when they are doing you a massive favour.

TBH your DH should be taking the dog to them.

Pay for kennels, and leave the in-laws out of it.

Yes this. I thought you were going to say they agreed to look after the dog when you went into labour but have now backed out!! You are so unreasonable

howshouldibehave · 13/07/2025 22:42

Blimey, I hope this is a reverse (much as I hate them!). You want your in laws to drive 9 hours to do you a massive favour, rather than your husband meeting them half way?!

If they are being kind enough to have your dog for weeks, you should be taking it to their house!

Sort out some paid care for your dog if you aren't happy with what these (perfectly reasonable) family members are offering!

PurpleFlower1983 · 13/07/2025 22:42

YABVU but it’s likely hormones! It’s crazy you expect them to do this for you!

Chick981 · 13/07/2025 22:44

Not just being unreasonable to ask them to get the dog, but also to send your dog aways for such a long time! Poor thing.

Canonlythinkofthisone · 13/07/2025 22:44

I assume you've never owned a dog before. You don't send it away for a month to reintroduce it to its home with a new member of the pack.
Idocy at its finest.
Also yabu

legoplaybook · 13/07/2025 22:45

The chances of you having a baby 9 days early, in the 4 hours your DP is driving, are so small as not to be worth worrying about.

StarDolphins · 13/07/2025 22:46

saraclara · 13/07/2025 22:37

That's a really good easy to unsettle your dog. He spends two weeks away (which he doesn't understand) finally gets to come home, really excited to see his people, and gets there to find this 'thing' which appears to have taken his place.

It's pure madness. You're asking for the dog to hate and resent the baby. In fact you couldn't do a better job of it if you tried.

Edited

Agree with this! Do the right thing by your dog and just leave him home and give him some credit. Imagine being sent away from your home and arriving back after missing your family to find there’s a new family member. Just leave the dog in his home, he’ll adapt just fine. You’ll just unsettle him.

Moveoverdarlin · 13/07/2025 22:46

You are asking way too much of the in-laws. There’s helping out and then there is being taken for mugs. Just leave the dog at home, you don’t need to send it away for two weeks.

Goodluckanddontfitup · 13/07/2025 22:46

As others have said, it seems an unreasonable ask for your in laws to do that round trip, and entirely reasonable for your DH to meet them half way so far ahead of your due date. But again, as others say, obviously you know your dog best, but this doesn’t sound like the best idea in general. If you send the dog away they are going to come back unsettled as it is, nevermind a new baby. In my experience it’s best to settle into family life straight away, introduce the dog carefully as soon as you get home and make her feel part of it so she can bond, rather than rejected.

Gunz · 13/07/2025 22:46

I am of different generation - we had a dog before having my son. It would not have crossed my my mind to ship the dog off pre baby. In order to integrate the dog with the baby - we kept the dogs regime the same. The dog had the same walks and had the same amount of fuss. For me it was quite a nice break post birth to take the dog for a walk. We had no problems with the dog and the baby.