Retired in laws won’t come pick up dog before my due date

[Oli16]

I’m due on the 12th August with my DH first baby, we have a 5 year old staffy who we love and have agreed with my in laws that they will kindly look after him for the first couple of weeks whilst me and my partner settle in with our newborn at home. We then plan to introduce dog and baby when we’ve settled in a little bit with baby at home just us two (our dog is lovely but requires a lot of attention!)

My partner tonight said his parents “aren’t keen” on driving to London to come and pick up our dog (they live up north 4.5 hour drive each way) so want my partner to drive halfway to meet them to drop the dog off but this would be 9 days before my due date - which makes me VERY nervous that DH might be driving on the motorway whilst I might go into labour…

AIBU to be stressed out that DH would be leaving to drive 4 hours away 9 days before my due date? AIBU to be annoyed that my retired in laws won’t offer to come down to us, stay over and take the dog back with them?

Your partner wouldn’t be 4hrs away if he’s meeting halfway.
It will be fine

sorry but I think your plan has disaster written all over it
it’s going to be massively unsettling for the dog to be up rooted then when it does return home there’s a baby on its territory and all new rules for it and noise

I think it will be incredibly jealous if the baby given that it’s a staffy as well I would genuinely fear for the babies safety

To add to the baby blanket thing, did the same with our dog, my husband brought used baby grows back while I was in hospital and let the dog sniff them calmly, if he got too pushy sniffing them he was corrected. Also while you have this window, get your dog used to baby crying noises off Alexa or something. Staffies are usually fantastic with kids, it’s like they have an instinct, hence the ‘nanny dog’ nickname. I’m sure all will be fine.
regarding the journey you asked whether you should be annoyed about, yeah that’s a step too far and I think you have to take the comments on the chin about being a bit entitled there 😂
good luck with baby! X

Wow if you're this entitled about a dog, I hate to see what kind of parent you'll be! 😬

THIS. ⬆️ Surely the dog is a family member?

Yikes, I’d never have a staffy near my baby.

Ah, OP, I know you've had a lot of harsh responses here but wanted to let you know I do understand your perspective. I was really nervous before having my first (and only) baby and I think I would've been worried about this too. Rest assured it's pretty unlikely you'd go into labour that early and have things progress so quickly that your husband missed the important bits.

Obviously you know your dog and home best, but wanted to share my perspective of how things went with my lovely but VERY excitable, young, mouthy, large dog. We didn't send her away as we thought unsettling her might complicate things further on her arrival home if suddenly everything had changed while she was gone. We ensured dog was used to "baby stuff" around the house, set up stair gates so she could be shut in certain parts of the house and tried to get her used to largely staying downstairs (she used to sleep on our bed!) beforehand. A relative looked after her just while we were at the hospital and then dropped her back home shortly before we came back, giving her a bit of time to chill first. We then did extremely gentle introductions either side of a baby gate, and worked up gradually to having them in a room together but always always under very close supervision and being quite strict with the dog to keep her distance. Dog and baby were actually almost always kept apart. Family member came to walk dog frequently for us, just to take the chore off our hands for a couple weeks and ensure dog wasn't going too stir crazy.

In the end, dog did amazingly and seemed to actually "grow up" a lot - I suppose because she was no longer being treated as a baby herself! If anything she was quite wary of the baby and very tolerant. There was absolutely no bouncing around the baby!

I was however fairly miffed when my MIL came to meet baby at a weekish old and brought her own dog with her without checking with us (no reason dog couldn't have stayed home with FIL). Then we had two dogs to manage, and ours was more wound up by the visitor dog. Sigh.

OP I do hope everything goes well. Unless you are concerned your dog is unsafe (which would obviously be a long term problem) I'd consider keeping them home and arranging for a dog walker / friend to walk and fuss over dog for a couple of weeks. It's a big change for you all and you'll want to make the transition as smooth as possible. Good luck!

I think you are being unreasonable. Why can’t you keep your dog at home with you? So unsettling for him.

Are you the first person in the entire world to be pregnant and own a dog? You're acting like you are. honestly, I'd be more worried about life at home with a baby and a staffie. I would not trust my baby for a moment around one of those.

I don’t think they’re being unreasonable, to be honest.

What will you do if he doesn’t act well? I had to rehome my dog with a lovely older couple with no children after my dog could not cope in a home with a new baby and the dog ended up attacking my toddler causing A&E worthy injuries. They made it very clear to me at A&E that my child was not safe with the dog and I made a hard choice to rehome. I don’t miss the stress and anxiety of always having to seperate the dog from my children. I suspect you know this may happen and my advice is to not delay the inevitable. This dog cannot be around your baby.

Also I didn’t own a scary breed like a staffie. If a staffie had attacked my toddler in the same way my child would now be dead. I had a small breed that was fine until I got pregnant and brought a new baby home, the constant noise and less attention made the dog very very unhappy, she grew less tolerant of all noice and small running children. I’d be worried about a staffie around a brand new baby too.

Also I didn’t own a scary breed like a staffie. If a staffie had attacked my toddler in the same way my child would now be dead. I had a small breed that was fine until I got pregnant and brought a new baby home, the constant noise and less attention made the dog very very unhappy, she grew less tolerant of all noice and small running children. I’d be worried about a staffie around a brand new baby too.

I think you are out of order sending the dog away tbh.

Why are you being such a dick? Picking up on people's typos? Being snarky and sarcastic if you don't like an answer? Doing passive aggressive laughing emojis?

You posted in AIBU. People think you are - why don't you listen to the advice?

FWIW, if I was worried about my dog, the last thing I would do would be to send it away so that it feels like the new baby is the cause of it's rejection. I'd be fussing over DDog to ensure he doesn't see baby as a threat.

But you do you.
Laughing emojis and all

🙄

Keep the dog at home. Otherwise when it comes back it will be expecting life exactly how it is now and you will have more problems.

I don’t know how to ‘introduce’ dog to baby but you should maybe find out how others did ‘the meet’ to help.

Start life off from tomorrow like you have the baby. Might sound harsh but things like shutting dog out for a bit / not letting it sleep on sofa etc (basically whatever is going on you know needs to change).

shutting it out / not giving usual attention you need to start in small doses, so if dog is never alone- don’t try shutting it in another room for half hour, do 5 mins. Maybe give it a toy/ healthy type dog bone and when you re meet with the dog don’t go mad and fuss it you need to be calm otherwise you’re teaching doggy it can go wild when you open the door/ baby gate etc.

I would actually do some research on dog behaviour if you haven’t already and a trainer.

Definitely sort a dog walker out asap so doggy can bond with its ‘own special person’ as doggy will need this more when baby comes. Some dog walkers may even take the dog for a couple of hours walk or back to their place for a bit to give you some time out.

I really think keeping dog at home will cause less drama in the long run.

YABU. These people are being very nice to accommodate your dog. You probably won’t go into Labour early and if you do then chances that you go from early
contractions to birthing your child in four hours is slim to none. It’s vanishingly unlikely that this is going to be an issue.

You don’t ’introduce’ the dog to the baby. You keep them separated with stairgates/doors and set up a positive reward system so the dog associates your baby’s approach/scent/presence with good things. You should not by any means allow the dog access to the baby or hold the baby near the dog.

Take a look at these links.

How to prepare your dog for a new baby | Dogs Trust

How to introduce your dog to your new baby | Dogs Trust

Owning a dog when you’re pregnant | Dogs Trust

If you have a staffy with behavioural problems and you’re genuinely worrying about his reaction to the baby then your in-laws are the least of your problems. I would be engaging a dog behaviourist to try to address this all up front. I doubt v much that sending your dog away and then bringing it back to a house with a baby is the right option. If the issues are serious enough you really need to rehome.

Sending your dog away is a stupid idea.

As others have mentioned I think sending the dog away temporarily may not be the best idea, as I suspect it would create longer term difficulties between the dog and baby. It’s better to bring the baby home, ideally with the dog already having smelt an item before the baby comes, and manage the introduction to the baby cautiously, eg dog has a look and sniff while baby is in car seat then gradually is allowed to approach you while you’re on the sofa with the baby etc. It’s positive you’ve got stair gates already but I’d also strongly recommend getting a dog crate, as the dog will benefit from having an area it can take itself off to if the noise (or touch when the child gets older) gets a bit much. You should also prep by making sure your big baby items are up now already and by occasionally playing crying baby noises.

Poor dog, being replaced by your more important human child. Being sent away for weeks, not just whilst you give birth? Gross.

It’s rare to start labour and the baby actually arrive within a few hours. It doesn't happen like the films and tv with the dramatic rush to hospital ( for the vast majority, especially for first baby). Chances are that even if you do start labour while he’s on the motorway, he’d get home well in advance of needing to get to hospital.

I dont think its about when labour might start. It's about her being nervous with first labour. Probably best to have other ppl standing by.