Was my BBQ hosting ‘stingy’ as my friend has suggested

[SingingJess]

DH and I hosted a couple of friends last night - we usually go out for dinner etc but with the nice weather agreed we would host a BBQ which they were very much up for. We exchanged messages in the week on what we’d cook and any drink preferences.

Here is the issue:

-Friend (wife) asked me where the food was from. I said most of it was Tesco’s finest BBQ range (we had a mix of chicken, burgers etc - it wasn’t cheap). She called this ‘not a bad budget option’ and said that when they do a BBQ, they raid the local farm shop. I’m sure that’s lovely, but also out of our budget.

-One of the drink requests was for flavoured gin which the husband likes. Now my DH also likes gin, and we have a lot of bottles here. So rather than spend money on a new bottle, we put out the gin that we have. Friend (wife) whilst in the kitchen with me pointed out a bottle of gin from Lidl and casually said that I ‘can’t expect her husband to touch something from there’.

-Later in the evening, she told me she thought it was a bit stingy of us to ‘recycle’ gin we already have rather than buy a new bottle for the occasion.

They both said thanks at the end of the night for us hosting and for the food, but I got the impression they were unimpressed.

My question is - was I being tight or do you not see an issue in us not investing in a brand new bottle of something we already had plenty of?

Pair of wankers

Also bear in mind, the guest's husband had specifically requested fancy gin for himself (which is cheeky as fuck, to be quite honest). Yes, you open a nice bottle of wine or two for an occasion, but you don't go out and buy a whole new bottle of spirits (£20 at least) just for ONE guest! Especially someone who's essentially a plus-one. Madness!

I can think of a few times l’d love to have been brave enough to say this !!🤣

Sums it up nicely !!

Yep. Aldi gin is really nice too.

As is their fizz. Absolutely delicious and cheap as chips (well, all things being relative!)

Don't invite Hyacinth Bucket over ever again.

@SingingJess I would still like to know what you said to your rude guests when they complained.

I ask this not to be confrontational @dilema2024 , but out of genuine curiosity...what have I said in this thread that makes me 'insufferable'?

That if my partner and I invite a couple to our house for a BBQ instead of going to a restaurant, we'd buy nice food from a butcher?

That I think spending £100 (£25 a head) as a much cheaper alternative to a meal out is reasonable for me?

That it would never occur to me to comment on what I was fed if I was a guest?

This website is crazy sometimes. People on benefits get absolutely slated for having the audacity to expect even the most basic quality of life, or expecting the state to help support their children. Then in the next thread along, people who work their arse off to afford private school for their kids or - shock horror - prefer meat from a butcher, are labeled 'insufferable', and told they shouldn't moan about taxes.

I use my local butcher/grocer/baker as often as I can because I want to support local, traditional, family run businesses at a time when they're dying out. I've worked hard all my life to be in a position to do the things I want to do, rather than the things I have to do.

Please, explain how that makes me 'insufferable'.

What a couple of tight fisted arseholes they are not to bring their own gin. And imagine even ASKING someone where the food that is being made for you for free came from! Get rid.

people who work their arse off to afford private school for their kids or - shock horror - prefer meat from a butcher, are labeled 'insufferable',

Not everyone works their arse off for the money to send kids to private school.

I had a boss who earned £500k pa plus bonuses who did very little. Some people just get lucky.

The ‘I worked my arse off’ line gets very wearing. We all work, no one cares about your arse wearing off.

@nomas Exactly! People who boast that they've worked hard to deserve their fancy car/massive house/expensive holidays seem to think that others just don't work hard enough. I doubt if anyone works harder than some on minimum wage with two or three jobs just trying to get enough to pay the rent and feed themselves. It's mostly luck - the right contacts, right school, right line of work - but they just don't see it.

No doubt people in low paid jobs are some of the hardest grafters (cleaners etc). But I'm always a bit sceptical of this narrative that most high earners just got lucky. Usually people who say this don't speak from experience. For example, a lot of people don't seem to have any idea how much harder it is to get a good degree from some of the top universities and how much more effort/time you have to put in.

I said 'mostly' luck. I got an excellent degree after working extremely hard for it. Still didn't get rich though...

I don't think that people assume high earners don't graft.

I think a lot of high earners (of which there seem to be many on MN, and who like to tell everyone that they are) like to push the narrative that low earners are the ones who don't work hard.

The husband brought some mixers.
Was that the only contribution they made?
If so, they were rude. Not to mention cheap.

Well, no doubt some people are born into advantageous situations. But I do think there's a tendency by many to almost compare successful businessmen to Tory MP types who were born into wealth and attended Eton etc.

If you look at lawyers, for example, as an example of a demographic who are often high earners there's a conscious decision to study Law and then become a trainee and typically do a ridiculous number of hours/undertake a lot of sacrifice to get taken on. It doesn't just happen by chance.

Not everyone works their arse off for the money to send kids to private school.

I expect not everybody, but the vast, vast majority of high earners do. I'd love to be able to earn my current salary without working hard.

I had a boss who earned £500k pa plus bonuses who did very little. Some people just get lucky.

There are obviously a minority of people who benefit from nepotism, or appear to constantly fall upwards. Or get lucky.

But again, they are a tiny minority. There are precious few people on six figure salaries who aren't judged on their results.

I find the 'my boss/director/whatever doesn't do any work but gets paid silly money' is a sad old cliche used by people who aren't willing or able to understand the scope of the work that person is doing, just because they're not sat at a dest typing for 8 hours a day. Or that they're being paid for their experience, their influence. That their phone never gets turned off. That weekends don't exist.

They're the same people who sit in the same job for years, watching new employees get promoted above then and complaining that their 'face doesn't fit'. Doing the bare minimum while accusing anyone ambitious enough to go above and beyond of being a stooge.

The ‘I worked my arse off’ line gets very wearing. We all work, no one cares about your arse wearing off.

It was pretty wearing having people accuse me of being insufferable or desperate to impress for buying food for an occasion from a butcher rather than a supermarket.

I'm proud of the life I've made for myself through my own hard work, what am I supposed to do, pretend I'm skint just too fit in on MN? Not too skint, obviously, or I'd have people slating me for scrounging benefits.

It’s a moot point since the event is over and done now, but I think it was very poor. I wouldn’t look forward to a barbecue night with chicken and burgers. I’m not in the UK, I’m in the US, so it’s probably different here but burgers and chicken are cheap and what I would expect at a campfire. For a barbecue it has to be brisket, steak, maybe salmon sides, all cooked over wood chips or charcoal with wood. A real barbecue would never use cheap meat.

Golly, they sound like sitcom characters. Did you invite the late Hyacinth Bucket over for dinner? The Lidl comment was just rude and nasty. She should at least have had the decency not to pass critical comments in front of you.

I've never known a dinner party where guests request a specific drink from the Host. If I wanted say a bottle of Advocaat (not likely being heavily pregnant a.t.m), then I'd call off at the grocery store and acquire one on my way there.

I don't think you did anything wrong, OP and I'm sorry that you're on a tight budget.

Were there any mixers to make flavoured gin, e.g. did you have any elderflower cordial or even some cranberry juice?

Can you please call them out for their rudeness?

because I’m the biggest petty cow on the planet I absolutely would have given him a glass of
the Lidl gin just to show her that yes he would drink it and when they ask where it’s from hand him the Lidl bottle with a smug smile on my face and your wife didn’t think you would drink it but it seems like she was wrong you must take the bottle home with you.

They should have brought their own drink! And where was the offer of bringing meat also? I would never go to a barbecue without bringing along some food and my own drink.

I would block them and have your response ready to tell them it was because of how rude they were in your home for next time you see them.

I’m sorry you’re on a tight budget 🙄