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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was my BBQ hosting ‘stingy’ as my friend has suggested

474 replies

SingingJess · 13/07/2025 20:50

DH and I hosted a couple of friends last night - we usually go out for dinner etc but with the nice weather agreed we would host a BBQ which they were very much up for. We exchanged messages in the week on what we’d cook and any drink preferences.

Here is the issue:

-Friend (wife) asked me where the food was from. I said most of it was Tesco’s finest BBQ range (we had a mix of chicken, burgers etc - it wasn’t cheap). She called this ‘not a bad budget option’ and said that when they do a BBQ, they raid the local farm shop. I’m sure that’s lovely, but also out of our budget.

-One of the drink requests was for flavoured gin which the husband likes. Now my DH also likes gin, and we have a lot of bottles here. So rather than spend money on a new bottle, we put out the gin that we have. Friend (wife) whilst in the kitchen with me pointed out a bottle of gin from Lidl and casually said that I ‘can’t expect her husband to touch something from there’.

-Later in the evening, she told me she thought it was a bit stingy of us to ‘recycle’ gin we already have rather than buy a new bottle for the occasion.

They both said thanks at the end of the night for us hosting and for the food, but I got the impression they were unimpressed.

My question is - was I being tight or do you not see an issue in us not investing in a brand new bottle of something we already had plenty of?

OP posts:
BeMintFatball · 13/07/2025 20:58

Why did you answer her regarding where you shopped? So rude of her.

find better friends @SingingJess

Mayflyoff · 13/07/2025 20:58

She really lacks class. I'm guessing she doesn't mind not being invited back.

Wadadli · 13/07/2025 20:58

SingingJess · 13/07/2025 20:50

DH and I hosted a couple of friends last night - we usually go out for dinner etc but with the nice weather agreed we would host a BBQ which they were very much up for. We exchanged messages in the week on what we’d cook and any drink preferences.

Here is the issue:

-Friend (wife) asked me where the food was from. I said most of it was Tesco’s finest BBQ range (we had a mix of chicken, burgers etc - it wasn’t cheap). She called this ‘not a bad budget option’ and said that when they do a BBQ, they raid the local farm shop. I’m sure that’s lovely, but also out of our budget.

-One of the drink requests was for flavoured gin which the husband likes. Now my DH also likes gin, and we have a lot of bottles here. So rather than spend money on a new bottle, we put out the gin that we have. Friend (wife) whilst in the kitchen with me pointed out a bottle of gin from Lidl and casually said that I ‘can’t expect her husband to touch something from there’.

-Later in the evening, she told me she thought it was a bit stingy of us to ‘recycle’ gin we already have rather than buy a new bottle for the occasion.

They both said thanks at the end of the night for us hosting and for the food, but I got the impression they were unimpressed.

My question is - was I being tight or do you not see an issue in us not investing in a brand new bottle of something we already had plenty of?

Your “friend” is a cheeky fucker and if I were you I’d dump her sorry arse!

TheSwarm · 13/07/2025 20:59

Your friends are dickheads.

BusWankers · 13/07/2025 20:59

BeMintFatball · 13/07/2025 20:58

Why did you answer her regarding where you shopped? So rude of her.

find better friends @SingingJess

I'd be all "oh I found it by the side of the road".

Iloveacurry · 13/07/2025 20:59

Very rude. You need to make nicer friends.

TheChosenTwo · 13/07/2025 20:59

They sound exceptionally rude. Who slags off someone else’s hosting?

We do use our butchers because it’s genuinely brilliant and the quality does far exceed what you can from the supermarket but my god I’d eat what I was given at someone else’s house and not pass
comment other than compliments and gratitude.

If they wanted a very specific gin they should have brought it with them. Mind you if you’d asked preferences she was probably expecting this was because you were looking at what to buy. Still, doesn’t excuse her rudeness. Honestly some people are bloody awful! At least you know not to bother inviting them again 🥳

GonnaeNoDaeThatJustGonnaeNo · 13/07/2025 21:00

Your friend is a snobby CF and I wouldn’t invite her back.

ghastly behaviour

PhaseFour · 13/07/2025 21:00

Sorry, OP, but is this a wind up? I genuinely find it hard to believe that people can be quite so rude, entitled & down right snobbish. If it's all true you are most certainly NBU. Don't let them cross your threshold again!

Nopersbro · 13/07/2025 21:00

They should have brought a bottle if they wanted to drink something specific. Did they bring anything (besides attitude) - a contribution to the meal, a bottle of something, a gift for the house? Regardless, yeah, they were rude. And stupid, as Lidl carry name brand alcohol (sometimes quite upmarket, if just depends on supply) so while they might have had an issue with the specific kind you have available, he can indeed "touch something from there".

ethelredonagoodday · 13/07/2025 21:00

Incredibly rude!

TheAutumnCrow · 13/07/2025 21:00

<shrugs> They’re your mates, OP.

Mumofsoontobe3 · 13/07/2025 21:01

I don't find that stingy at all. I find it quite strange she was asking where the food was from and suggesting it was weird to use a 'recycled' bottle of gin. I mean.. gin is gin if it's branded or not??? Tesco finest is still really good and expensive.

Hoppinggreen · 13/07/2025 21:01

Your "friends" have no class whatsoever

fireplaceember · 13/07/2025 21:01

Can you invite me? I live alone and if someone gave me an undercooked burger and a glass of tap water I would be over the moon not to have to cook Grin

Redflagsabounded · 13/07/2025 21:01

She knew she was being rude and ridiculous on purpose. She's got some beef with you for some reason. Think hard about this 'friendship'.

Isitreallysohard · 13/07/2025 21:02

Don't invite them back, how rude.

MissFancyDay · 13/07/2025 21:02

It all sounds very nice, I would love to go to a barbecue like that.

Also, I wouldn't waste expensive farm shop meat on a barbecue. Very snobbish and rude.

mummymetalhead · 13/07/2025 21:02

Omg what a snobby cow! I wouldn’t bother speaking to her or her arsehole husband again.

ShamrockShenanigans · 13/07/2025 21:02

fireplaceember · 13/07/2025 21:01

Can you invite me? I live alone and if someone gave me an undercooked burger and a glass of tap water I would be over the moon not to have to cook Grin

This really tickled me! 🤣🤭

RaininSummer · 13/07/2025 21:02

They rude, snobby and crass.

DysgwrCymraeg · 13/07/2025 21:02

RobinStrike · 13/07/2025 20:56

She sounds like Margot from “The Good Life” if you are old enough to know the reference.

I actually think that's a bit unfair on Margot! She might have been a snob but she would have the good manners to graciously accept whatever someone else (ok...Tom and Barbara) offered!!

Endofyear · 13/07/2025 21:03

God, why are you friends with these ungrateful toerags?!

SummerEve · 13/07/2025 21:03

Not sure I even believe this. If it is true, I have to ask why some people consistently set the friendship bar so low.

fireplaceember · 13/07/2025 21:04

ShamrockShenanigans · 13/07/2025 21:02

This really tickled me! 🤣🤭

Honestly I loved being in hospital, the fact that food and cups of tea just turned up was brilliant. Catering loved me and kept feeding me “just a little slice of cake” Grin
lived alone for 24 years and still not trained the cat to make a brew