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Original poster

Feel uneasy with my partner’s suggestions on splitting food/toiletries costs

334 replies

Amber991 · 13/07/2025 20:08

Hi all, I am looking for some second opinions. I moved in with my partner a few months ago. All has been going well, but recently he has started saying we should have a fairer split of our food and toiletries bill, which we usually halve.

Every time we do our main weekly shop, he now goes item by item with the receipt and splits this out. But it goes to the length of him even taking into account if I have leftovers for lunch the next day, and putting a weighting towards this so I pay more. If he thinks I’ll have an extra pack of crisps from a multi pack, he will weight that.

I have a recent stomach issue which I’m seeing my Doctor about which means I’ve been going to the loo more than usual and have been really uncomfortable. So when he went through the receipt yesterday and there was loo roll, I had to pay more on the basis I’ve been using more.

I find this really OTT! Does anyone do similar in terms of the split or do you agree it’s strange?

OP posts:
Travelfairy · 14/07/2025 00:30

Run. A. Mile.

Pallisers · 14/07/2025 00:33

And while you mull on the advice on here to run a mile, buy a copy of Last Chance Saloon by Marian Keyes and see a fictional depiction of your boyfriend.

Anyahyacinth · 14/07/2025 00:34

His brain would explode then in a split based on ability to pay, in proportion to what you earn. He is feeble...reminds me of a US man who said pregnancy costs were her healthcare and thereby not for him to fund. A mind like his, processing in that feeble way is not evolved for love or a partnership. Yuck

Devianinc · 14/07/2025 00:35

Ibelievetheworldisburningtotheground · 13/07/2025 21:23

I'd flat out tell him you will not put up with such controlling, mean behaviour and are putting him on notice that your relationship will end if it doesn't stop immediately.

Why bother, just go and when your leaving laugh in his face.

Tahlbias · 14/07/2025 00:44

Do u you share all the household chores, cooking etc? If not and you do the majority, charge him for it!

Mmhmmn · 14/07/2025 00:46

If this is a serious post, get out of this relationship right now.

if it’s a joke, it’s not a funny one.

Devianinc · 14/07/2025 01:00

Mmhmmn · 14/07/2025 00:46

If this is a serious post, get out of this relationship right now.

if it’s a joke, it’s not a funny one.

I agree with you and am sort of hoping it’s a joke bc it doesn’t seem to be something that anyone would put up with. It’s bizarre

cherish123 · 14/07/2025 01:03

I agree, if you live with a boyfriend or girlfriend, everything should be split equally. However, it's a bit tight with the loo roll!

Nanny0gg · 14/07/2025 01:19

Amber991 · 13/07/2025 20:11

No, he earns well (I do too but less than him) but struggles with spending and prefers to save

Show quote history

Dump him

Life is much too short

Dancingintherainxxx · 14/07/2025 01:49

He's showing you who he is.

Controlling.

Run

jandalsinsummer · 14/07/2025 02:35

It’s seriously great that you have found out what he is like before you get too enmeshed. Do you think this is normal in a relationship? Do you want to stay in this relationship?

Devianinc · 14/07/2025 04:16

I’ve really thought about this a would count everything he’s touched. The exact count every piece of anything he touched. I wouldn’t let anything pass you buy
it and then watch him lose his shit on the minutiae of his bullshit. Count the last counts in everything. You could make it fun. lol, but only for a second. He needs deep mental health therapy. I’d not be bothered by him anymore and run like hell has frozen over.

LillyPJ · 14/07/2025 04:47

Devianinc · 14/07/2025 04:16

I’ve really thought about this a would count everything he’s touched. The exact count every piece of anything he touched. I wouldn’t let anything pass you buy
it and then watch him lose his shit on the minutiae of his bullshit. Count the last counts in everything. You could make it fun. lol, but only for a second. He needs deep mental health therapy. I’d not be bothered by him anymore and run like hell has frozen over.

Edited

Yes- count how many blobs of ketchup he's used, how many hours of TV he's watched, how much toothpaste he has, how long he's in the shower... If he's a bit heavier than OP, he'll be wearing the carpet out more. Pettiness can know no bounds - and you can bet he'll be able to think up plenty more. Probably easier to just leave immediately - and take with her the extra toilet paper she's had to pay for.

Bananalanacake · 14/07/2025 06:33

Two years is way too soon to move in with someone if they are stingy, can you move out again and date him, taking turns to pay on dates.

ThatCyanCat · 14/07/2025 07:10

Haffiana · 13/07/2025 22:20

Tightness is an incurable mental health illness, just like hoarding is.

It will never, ever change, because the miser's primary love interest is the running balance sheet that exists where his heart should be. The love bit, the obsession he has, is in his side of that balance sheet coming off better than the other side where you and the rest of the world is. He is unable for any reason whatsoever to let the world get one up on him. He cannot give anyone anything EVER without there being a reciprocal entry in return. That will even include his own children one day.

Now you have seen this, you will hopefully develop the most enormous ick and get yourself away from him.

The only people who stay in a relationship with a miser are the poor women who end up in a co-dependant loop of constantly proving to the miser how they are not after his money and spend their lives existing on the crumbs that the feeling of denying themselves to prove how good and trustworthy they are gives them. Please do not let that be you.

Brilliant post, and yes yes yes to the point that women who stay with this kind of person feel they must put up with it and be constantly screwed over to prove they're not after his money. Funnily enough, that happened with the victims of the Tinder Swindler. They were pilloried for supposedly being gold diggers because he gave a convincing show of wealth, but they actually kept forking out for HIM long after the showy dates were no more, most likely to prove that they weren't that kind of person, until they were fleeced themselves. You can see how well it served them.

You don't have to put up with a horrible person's bullshit to prove that you're nice. This isn't sensible and careful spending or even a fair and reasonable split. It's absolutely insane meanness and miserliness from a man whose primary concern in the relationship is, as the poster says, that there is never any situation, even a packet of crisps' worth, where you "get one up on him" as he sees it. He sees it all as adversarial and he must always "win". And yes, as the poster says, it will include kids.

Just get out. Cheap with money, cheap with love. Every single time. He'll be shit and selfish in bed too.

thepariscrimefiles · 14/07/2025 07:31

This sort of mean and penny pinching behaviour from a partner who is well off and isn't struggling for money would be a complete turn-off. The 'mean with money, mean with love' saying is generally true.

Him noticing that you have been using more toilet paper due to a health issue and charging you for it would be the final straw.

Littleredraincoat · 14/07/2025 07:36

He's crackers.

I could understand if you were putting a £15 bottle of shampoo in with the weekly shop, but loo roll and left overs?

You don't want to live your life like this.

Sal17690 · 14/07/2025 07:43

There's no way I could have sex with someone like this.

and it's a real worry that you needed to ask if this is normal or not.

run for the hills before you have a mortgage and kids!

YYURYYUCICYYUR4ME · 14/07/2025 07:45

Leave now. This will get worse.

BeenThereBackThen · 14/07/2025 08:14

Not much to add to what has already been said just…

You might stay with him because you invested 2 years into this and hope he will change.

He won’t.

Choose wisely. You don’t have to pick the path leading straight down into misery. At this point you can completely avoid having that miserable experience and entangling yourself by potentially having kids/house etc with this specimen.

If you do, i guarrantee you will be rereading this thread in 5 years time wishing you knew back then what you know now. It will be too late.

This is good enough reason to dump him, his behaviour is cringeworthy. Look into why you are tolerating this too, do you feel not good enough and not worthy of being treated with love and generosity?

Alltheyellowbirds · 14/07/2025 08:22

Bananalanacake · 14/07/2025 06:33

Two years is way too soon to move in with someone if they are stingy, can you move out again and date him, taking turns to pay on dates.

How would this help? If she moves back in with him after four years do you think it’ll be different?

YellowGuido · 14/07/2025 08:26

Does he pick out his ‘extras’, too? Things that he uses more of / chooses / likes a particular, more expensive brand of? Or is it just your ‘additional costs’ that are being flagged? How much extra are we talking - pence, pounds, £50?
It smacks of early-stage financial control, and I would predict it getting progressively worse… not to mention, it is hugely unattractive!

Thepossibility · 14/07/2025 08:33

I couldn't have sex with a man like this. I couldn't live with a man like this. I would lose respect really, so unbelievably tight. Very unattractive.

user1471538283 · 14/07/2025 08:45

I wouldn't begrudge a stranger loo roll and he supposedly loves you?

I bet he eats more than you and that's okay for you to absorb that cost. If you have DC what then?

Years ago when we had very little money and I didn't eat any meat my ex would put extras in the cart for me to make up for it. He had many faults but he was generous.

This sounds completely joyless.

sandwichlover93 · 14/07/2025 08:49

He sounds like a total twat waste of space. I can’t believe this! He’ll be weighing out your dinner portion soon, to see if you’re eating more than him. Honestly run away asap or your life will be miserable. I once overheard a man in a supermarket saying to his wife ‘we’re not buying jam again, we bought it last month and I’m not paying for another jar when only you eat it’. They were an elderly couple and it broke my heart for her. She looked ashamed. They weren’t poor, it was in Waitrose and they clearly had money.