Feel uneasy with my partner’s suggestions on splitting food/toiletries costs

[Amber991]

Hi all, I am looking for some second opinions. I moved in with my partner a few months ago. All has been going well, but recently he has started saying we should have a fairer split of our food and toiletries bill, which we usually halve.

Every time we do our main weekly shop, he now goes item by item with the receipt and splits this out. But it goes to the length of him even taking into account if I have leftovers for lunch the next day, and putting a weighting towards this so I pay more. If he thinks I’ll have an extra pack of crisps from a multi pack, he will weight that.

I have a recent stomach issue which I’m seeing my Doctor about which means I’ve been going to the loo more than usual and have been really uncomfortable. So when he went through the receipt yesterday and there was loo roll, I had to pay more on the basis I’ve been using more.

I find this really OTT! Does anyone do similar in terms of the split or do you agree it’s strange?

Sounds like behavior that will not change therefore not worth addressing with him or having a conversation about.
I would simply leave telling him its not working out, go back to where you were living before, and have a really good think whether you want to be together with such a mean man for the rest of your life, what a miserable existence that would be.

This is ridiculous the only thing we adjust for is alcohol as I don’t drink at home so not prepared to subsidise DH on his Saturday beers

Run as fast and as far you can.
He is very controlling.

This guy is nuts!!!!! Run. And fast! Cannot believe anyone could actually behave like this.

Another vote for LTB

He is a nit picker. It will spread to every aspect of your lives. It's already got to toilet paper usage for goodness sake! Just leave and find someone who will buy you sanitary pads when you are at home flooding and then not recharge you.

Leave!!!! Sounds awful.

This is the type of guy who will expect you to keep paying your share of household expenses whilst you're on maternity leave with reduced or no income.

RUN

And if you end up staying which form what I've seen on mumsnet is most likely, do NOT give up your financial independence for this man, do not be a SAHM and be totally under his financial control because he will make your life a living hell.

I couldn't love this man.

Has someone put it in his head that you're after his money, if he earns more and has a house / savings...or that you're getting the better deal somehow? Has he got a friend or family member who is very money oriented?

🤣🤣🤣

Bloomin eck what have I just read ! Charges you more for loo roll jeez ! Get rid pronto

Actually, I think he'll make OP pay extra as she'll be at home more, so using more utilities. And if he buys a multipack of crisps, he'll assume she'll be eating for two and charge her 2/3 of the cost...

So he earns more but you are paying more for food, toiletries and utilities according to a weighting system he has invented to make things fair? Going through the shopping receipt item by item is so undignified for someone who earns a decent wage. You can't stop him humiliating himself but you don't have to let him do it to you too.

Please, please leave this awful man. If you decide you can put up with his tight fisted behaviour then please do not have children with him. Children should never have to go without because a parent is too stingy to pay for what they need.

Been in a similar situation. It will get worse rather than better as he will always find something that is unfair and the rules will multiply. When he finds out you buy sanitary products in the weekly shop you will get billed....and more for cleaning of you leak ever. Holidays will involve owing him for an expensive cocktail or a sunbed. Jumping ahead, if you have children with him just imagine the arguments re mat leave, child costs,.maternity clothes etc.

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Run. Now.

Be thankful you had the sense to live together before having kids.

Sorry OP, that was hard to read, as just so cringe worthy 😱

Absolutely, this IS NOT NORMAL, smacks of a severe personality flaw and is just gross to boot. He professes to love you, yet monitors your toilet paper use - could you imagine doing that? With someone you loved, like your mum or best friend? Or even an acquaintance?

It also shows he doesn't see you as a "give and take" partnership - you might have used £2.40 more toilet paper than him (🤢) but maybe you spent 20 minutes longer that week cooking? Or bore more of the emotional load of the relationship? Or when you watched tv, it was something he chose, so the tv electric was really more for his benefit?? Where does it end? Madness. Weird, gross madness. Bin him off.

This is a red flag the size of a circus tent. Get out now. Making you pay more for loo roll because you have stomach issues?! This is the kind of attitude that will make your life miserable and it sounds like it already is. There is no amount of good stuff that can make up for this.

Some people are a bit on the stingy side of sensible with things like always buying cheap versions of stuff or never having coffee out - this isn't that. It's a life where you're always monitored and never feel free to do what you want. Get out now and don't look back.

Total red flag. You’re a burden to him not a respected partner. I’m sorry.

If this is actually real, it's a summer fête full of red flags.

That he even thought this was OK to think and say out loud, speaks volumes. He won't change. Imagine adding maternity leave, formula, nappies, clothes, nursery fees so "you" can go back to work, school uniforms, clothes and fees for activities he doesn't want the kids to go to into the mix.

Fuck. That.

Run.

NOT A KEEPER OP, you can’t seriously stay with someone like this. Make your plans to move back out. Warn others about him.
And what does this mean? we split the utility bills and I pay a contribution on top so it’s fair.
you split the bills..: and then you pay more to make it fair? Why does it need making fair? Your shower is 2 mins longer? ‘Woman tax’ he’s a stingy miser, and financially abusive. He’s penalising you for being unwell and living with him, bet he’s not saying I had a slightly larger meal Sunday so that’s 80p extra for me. You can’t reason with this, you can only plan your exit.

I would move back out

Why do you pay extra on top if you split utility bills 50/50?
Being a tightwad and control freak is very unattractive. Move back out.

He's not good at sharing, you don't want to live with someone who doesn't share nicely.

I know so many mums who struggle with tight partners, don't do it to yourself!

My ex husband used to share 'share' bags of sweets into two bowls so l didn't get one more than he did. And he once cut the 'extra' (we had 13 in the packet rather than the usual 12) jaffa cake in half.
But quite often l'd do a big shop then go to work on a late shift. More than once l came home to find he'd eaten seven bags of crisps out of a pack of ten. Five of which were meant to be mine. And I earned more money than he did.
Do you want to spend the rest of your life like this, OP?
Trust me, he's not going to change, and it'll likely get worse.