Feel uneasy with my partner’s suggestions on splitting food/toiletries costs

[Amber991]

Hi all, I am looking for some second opinions. I moved in with my partner a few months ago. All has been going well, but recently he has started saying we should have a fairer split of our food and toiletries bill, which we usually halve.

Every time we do our main weekly shop, he now goes item by item with the receipt and splits this out. But it goes to the length of him even taking into account if I have leftovers for lunch the next day, and putting a weighting towards this so I pay more. If he thinks I’ll have an extra pack of crisps from a multi pack, he will weight that.

I have a recent stomach issue which I’m seeing my Doctor about which means I’ve been going to the loo more than usual and have been really uncomfortable. So when he went through the receipt yesterday and there was loo roll, I had to pay more on the basis I’ve been using more.

I find this really OTT! Does anyone do similar in terms of the split or do you agree it’s strange?

My friends SIL is married to a man like this & after 39+ years of marriage he still deducts any personal items she bought (used to be San pro) & things like tomatoes (which he doesn't eat) 2 (niw adult) kids later I thought he might have grown up. But apparently not.

id move out.

Its ok to say CUNT on MN!

Oh, how miserable.
I had a miserly boyfriend & it was a relief to split up with him, and start going out with normal people who weren't penny-pinching scrooges.

Red flag galore ⛳️🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

This makes me so sad, that you are doubting yourself, this behaviour isn't normal or fair. I really hope you move back out.

How has your vagina not completely sealed shut at his receipt dissection? Making you pay more for loo roll because you've been unwell? What the actual fuck?

Run.

100% agree. Also people like these get worse with age and their earning power is nothing to do with it. Behaviour like this is an illness. OP has invested 2 years in this relationship and may be unwilling to heed the giant red flags.

Sorry this is happening. Depending how you feel about the rest of the relationship, which is presumably good, it is worth trying to really talk about how you work it out together and what you longer term plans are. If you are considering buying together it sounds long term. You are a team now and not a flatshare, and presumably you'd help each out of either of you have a difficult time like one lost a job.

Maybe he is oblivious to how many couples do it, but we like many put both our salaries into a joint account, and get equal pocket money each month . All bills, house stuff, car stuff and groceries come from joint account. For a while he has been the bigger earner, but now I am.
This might feel too big step yet, but some sort of step in that direction, that feels right for both of you. I think its very important to be on same page as each about finances and be open and able to talk about them.

Why do you pay a contribution on top? Surely if you spilt all bills and food in halve, except for the mortgage, you shouldn’t be paying anything on top.

Do not have children with this man, he is never going to support you financially when on maternity leave and help make up any pension shortfalls.

Run as fast as you can. You shouldn’t build a life with a “man” like this. Definitely a new ick unlocked.

That sounds madly unreasonable.
Counting sheets of toilet roll and squirts of hand soap...
Ridiculous.

If you have children with this man OP, he will count every cost they incur as part of 'your share' of the bill.

He'll probably be fine with being a father as long as it doesn't cost him anything emotionally or financially.

He'll never count the cost of childcare as his responsibility, or take a day off work when he'll see it as your job as you had the children.

He'll even consider himself a good father, while expecting you to do all the work of raising them and pay all the costs of keeping them alive.

He is not marriage material.

Other than a calculator, what is he bringing into this relationship?

Run. A. Mile.

Run. A. Mile.

Run. A. Mile.

Run. A. Mile.

Run. A. Mile.

Run. A. Mile.

He sounds like a prick. I earn more than my partner (about 6x as much) so I pay much more of the bills in a similar proportion. Imo this is the only fair way.

Half and half is not really fair but I think you could live with it, especially early in a relationship. He's being stingy and selfish, such a turn off and a horrible sign for the future.

Is this a joke post? No one can be so stingy as to begrudge a few sheets of toilet paper. I can promise you he'll never make you happy or feel loved or cherished. Bin him off and look for a keeper.

Run forest. Run

This was worth posting multiple times.

Get away from this man OP.

This is exactly the type of man who would suggest you should use your savings to pay your way during maternity leave or who would forever make you feel indebted if he contributed more than you while you were on maternity. The stinginess and selfishness is surely the most unattractive thing you’ve ever come across? imagine being so stingy you start monitoring toilet roll. Thank god you moved in with him and didn’t buy so now it’s easier to escape. You dodged a bullet there.

Edited to add if this is his starting point imagine how much worse it would get with time.

I just told my DH he makes you pay for a few sheets of extra toilet paper and he just choked on his coffee. He thought I'd made it up it was so stupid.🚩