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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think DH is losing the plot re: DS’s new girlfriend??

489 replies

LittleMarmiteQueen · 13/07/2025 19:05

DS (17) has a new GF, been seeing her a few weeks. She seems nice enough, a bit quiet maybe, but polite, comes from the next town over. He’s been asking if she can stay over one weekend (they’ve been spending a lot of time here anyway, mostly watching films in his room, door open etc)

DH has suddenly decided he’s “getting bad vibes” off her. Couldn’t really explain what he meant, just that “something’s off” and “you never know these days” 🙄

He’s now saying he wants to hire a private investigator to do a background check before we let her stay the night. A PI!!! For a 17yo girl!!! He’s already been Googling local firms and tried to act like this is totally normal and responsible parenting.

I told him he was being ridiculous and over the top but he’s digging his heels in and going on about “protecting DS” and how “she could be hiding something” and we need to be “vigilant”. Honestly I’m half wondering if he’s watched too many Netflix docs lately.

FWIW we’ve met her twice, she’s been nothing but respectful, and DS is completely smitten. I think if he finds out we’re even considering this he’ll go nuclear.

AIBU to think this is a completely mad overreaction?? Or is this just modern parenting now and I’m the one who’s too relaxed?

OP posts:
upandleftthenright · 15/07/2025 20:59

Just bizarre

almay8830 · 15/07/2025 21:23

FrenchandSaunders · 13/07/2025 19:07

He’s spotted her on his onlyfans account …

Yep

dogsflying · 15/07/2025 21:50

Wow wtf

Alltheyellowbirds · 15/07/2025 23:00

@LittleMarmiteQueen Hope you’re ok tonight, and that things haven’t escalated.

DoggingDave · 15/07/2025 23:15

LittleMarmiteQueen · 13/07/2025 19:40

To answer a few qs: no trauma that I know of, nothing in DH’s past that would make this make sense. He’s not usually like this, bit overprotective at times maybe but never this far off the rails. And yes, I do think he’s been spending too much time online lately, especially down some true crime rabbit holes.

Nothing about the girl seems dodgy to me. We don’t know her in depth but she’s not exactly giving off scammer/spy/serial killer vibes. DS met her at a party via mutuals, normal enough stuff. She’s still at sixth form. I did ask if DH had seen something online about her and he got all cagey and just said “I can’t put my finger on it” which is about as useful as a chocolate teapot tbh.

I do worry there’s something else going on, whether he fancies her (grim but not impossible, someone said it and I can’t unthink it now) or if there’s something buried like unconscious bias about her background. She’s mixed race and we are very white middle class suburbia, so maybe something’s been triggered and he can’t admit it even to himself? I don’t want to believe that but…

And yes, noted! Not “we”. He wants to hire a PI. I told him flat out I wouldn’t be a part of it but he thinks I’m being naive.

Honestly I’m tempted to warn DS before DH does something unforgivable. But I also don’t want to blow it all up unless I have to. What a mess.

Sounds like he needs to chill out something isn't right I'd say he has some sort of dodgy connection to somone she knows or somone he knows does.

ThankULord · 16/07/2025 01:49

My first thoughts were:-

  • He fancies her
  • He tried it on with her
  • He suspects he is her father

With your second update:

  • He really really fancies her
  • He suspects he is her father
  • ??????????????racist, hmmmm, not sure

Your last update:

  • HE KNOWS THE MOTHER - he is her father
  • HE KNOWS THE MOTHER - did he have a thing with her, did he treat her badly, did they do silly things together, did he do silly things with friends of hers/family member(s) of hers
  • HE KNOWS THE MOTHER - does she have a secret on him
  • He tried it on with DS's GF
  • ???Onlyfans ( & he is just using the Facebook thing as an excuse)
ASongOfRiceAndPeas · 16/07/2025 16:04

This is such a weird one, I’ve been racking my brains for days now to try and understand what your H could be up to. Please keep us updated? I couldn’t let this lie if it were me! Hope you’re you’re okay OP

Tearsinheavens · 19/07/2025 11:42

@LittleMarmiteQueen please do update us if you can!

TherapyFrog · 22/07/2025 21:42

Wow …I have just come back to this thread and this must be absolutely awful living through this and trying to get some answers @LittleMarmiteQueen
The updates do indicate racism, or perhaps knowing her family. I hope he is able to be clearer with you soon so you can all figure this out and settle things before your son or his gf becomes aware

Benefitbettyquestion · 01/08/2025 20:46

I'm curious what the outcome was

okydokethen · 01/08/2025 20:53

Surely he knows something you don’t

FleshLiabilities · 02/08/2025 14:04

@LittleMarmiteQueen Did you ever resolve this? Or is your husband sectioned?

BrickBiscuit · 02/08/2025 15:50

FleshLiabilities · 02/08/2025 14:04

@LittleMarmiteQueen Did you ever resolve this? Or is your husband sectioned?

They rarely come back.

Healdgreen · 02/08/2025 20:11

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