To think DH is losing the plot re: DS’s new girlfriend??

[LittleMarmiteQueen]

DS (17) has a new GF, been seeing her a few weeks. She seems nice enough, a bit quiet maybe, but polite, comes from the next town over. He’s been asking if she can stay over one weekend (they’ve been spending a lot of time here anyway, mostly watching films in his room, door open etc)

DH has suddenly decided he’s “getting bad vibes” off her. Couldn’t really explain what he meant, just that “something’s off” and “you never know these days” 🙄

He’s now saying he wants to hire a private investigator to do a background check before we let her stay the night. A PI!!! For a 17yo girl!!! He’s already been Googling local firms and tried to act like this is totally normal and responsible parenting.

I told him he was being ridiculous and over the top but he’s digging his heels in and going on about “protecting DS” and how “she could be hiding something” and we need to be “vigilant”. Honestly I’m half wondering if he’s watched too many Netflix docs lately.

FWIW we’ve met her twice, she’s been nothing but respectful, and DS is completely smitten. I think if he finds out we’re even considering this he’ll go nuclear.

AIBU to think this is a completely mad overreaction?? Or is this just modern parenting now and I’m the one who’s too relaxed?

This!! If someone did
this to my daughter I’d be telling her to dump him and that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and she doesn’t want to date such a paranoid delusional family!

If I was your son and found out your husband was doing this I’d move out and never ever bring a girl to meet you again even one I was marrying and having kids with!

Or just a racist bigot!

I think this is nothing to do with the girl but actually all about your husband and whatever secret he's trying to hide

This 💯

The angle that he knows the family from nefarious dealings in the past is intriguing, and the PI suggestion is completely nuts, but just from my own experience (and echoing some PPs)...

My BIL's first serious girlfriend was stunning, tall, and mixed race. My FIL absolutely could NOT handle his teenage son having a sexual relationship with her, under his roof, at a time when he was having a bit of a crisis about being older (which also manifested in an affair, he isn't a good guy). It didn't quite get to this levels of paranoia but FIL was very disruptive and angry about the relationship, it was all very, very weird – and quite obviously a combination of jealously (I think men sometimes find the idea of their sons being more virile, sexually active and attractive than them challenging) and racism. They didn't stay together for that long, but the jokes on FIL now as he ended up with five mixed-race grandchildren.

I've met a few overprotective parents but this is far and away the most bonkers idea I've heard from any of them. Save him from himself! The only possible way it makes sense is if he secretly knows there's dirt already but doesn't want to say how.

If my husband was police or social services I might listen but @LittleMarmiteQueen has not indicated that

Thank you for proving my point regarding people becoming defensive. I never said you were racist just that the assumption you made was based on a racist schema.

My apologies. I know that it wasn't you who called me a racist, it was the pp who initially highlighted my post.
PP said I was a racist like OP's DH.
I'm sorry that I wasn't clear in my reply highlighting your response.
I was upset about it because I truly battle against racism whenever I see it and I genuinely wasn't connecting race to class as that would be extremely stupid.
There is rich and poor across the whole of society.
I'll shut up now. 🩷

If DH can't tell you why, besides saying 'something's off', then it would be horrible to go and hire a PI.
If DH doesn't want to say what happened, then he has to learn to share with you, his life partner!

Either way, I'd only go through with this in extreme cases with founded suspicion!

They have only been seeing each other a few weeks and she's spending the night already?

Is there a schedule for when you’re allowed to sleep with someone?

This made me laugh.
maybe its true though 🤔

I was thinking this too! it wouldn't be the first time ive heard of situations like this happening.
Read a story in a magazine once where a man in his 30s had started a relationship with a much younger woman in her late teens, they'd been together for months before being invited to meet her family. Had the shock of his life when he met her mother and realised he'd had a brief sexual relationship with her many years before and had no idea he'd got her pregnant. His girlfriend turned out to be his daughter and both of them had had no idea. Can you imagine the shock.

Trying to think of motive here…

is it possible he knows the mother of the girl…

Sorry to hear you are in this predicament OP.

Maybe you can casually invite DS's GF and her mum to lunch with your family. Then you can observe how your DH is.

this potentially interesting thread is becoming almost unreadable with the unending stream of pps delivering the same ‘bold’ idea as if it’s brand new

Yes, I need an update on why he's so nuts.

OK. Just to sum up. He's a racist who shagged the mother 18 years ago and is concerned that this might be his love child, who also has her own Only Fans channel.

Do you think he is her secret father
and your son is her half brother that’s why he is so panicky

Don't be ridiculous – that's so far-fetched! It's obvious what the real story is.

He's clearly an immortal being, Highlander-style, and recognises the GF as an incarnation of his arch-nemesis, who has shaken off her transdimensional prison shackles and tracked him to Earth in order to disrupt his comfortable incognito human life by alpha-brainwashing his son ... through her OnlyFans account.

Sounds reasonable, @zaxxon …

No word of a lie this happened to a friend. Best friend met a boy when they were teenagers and fancied the pants off him. Was telling her parents about him. Long story short he was the love child from her dads affair.

I think he knows something but cannot say how or why/what and is trying to find a way of getting the info out in the open without harming himself.

@LittleMarmiteQueen are you ok? this all seems very overwhelming

Oh did someone call the thread police?