To think DH is losing the plot re: DS’s new girlfriend??

[LittleMarmiteQueen]

DS (17) has a new GF, been seeing her a few weeks. She seems nice enough, a bit quiet maybe, but polite, comes from the next town over. He’s been asking if she can stay over one weekend (they’ve been spending a lot of time here anyway, mostly watching films in his room, door open etc)

DH has suddenly decided he’s “getting bad vibes” off her. Couldn’t really explain what he meant, just that “something’s off” and “you never know these days” 🙄

He’s now saying he wants to hire a private investigator to do a background check before we let her stay the night. A PI!!! For a 17yo girl!!! He’s already been Googling local firms and tried to act like this is totally normal and responsible parenting.

I told him he was being ridiculous and over the top but he’s digging his heels in and going on about “protecting DS” and how “she could be hiding something” and we need to be “vigilant”. Honestly I’m half wondering if he’s watched too many Netflix docs lately.

FWIW we’ve met her twice, she’s been nothing but respectful, and DS is completely smitten. I think if he finds out we’re even considering this he’ll go nuclear.

AIBU to think this is a completely mad overreaction?? Or is this just modern parenting now and I’m the one who’s too relaxed?

So what's the purpose then of a PI in those circumstances? What would the PI uncover that could then be shown to OP?

This

No idea! I wonder if the "something" is perhaps illegal (drugs were mentioned by PP, could be something like that) so a PI could "uncover" that so he wouldnt have to tell OP that actually he was a customer. Or if she is a sex worker say.

OP, I have a funny feeling this is connected to the girls mum, not the girl herself.

Is there a chance your DP had an affair in the past with the girls mum?

What's being a customer got to do with being the girls father or having been with her mother though?

How the hell would I know ?! These are all just suggestions as to what it could be. He has mentioned a PI so I offered another reason why he could be going off on one.

He could be her father]
He could have had an affair with the mother
She could be a dealer he has bought drugs from
She could be a sex worker and he is/was a punter

This all pure conjecture from everyone. The only person who actually knows is him!

There’s clearly far more to this…

Grandson age 19, meets "lovely" girl at college. Girl is 17, grandson has severe dyscalculia!
Lovely girl "helps" the boy to access his Child ISA. My grandson buys the girl everything she asks for, she also "helps" him to transfer money into her account. Net result out of an ISA worth £21.5k within 2 months only £6000 is left, £8000 directly transferred into lovely girl's account.
After meeting her mother, it turns out she has done similar to at least 2 other boys. The mother wrings her hands " what can I do?" she simpers.
The police are aware and say my grandson was subject to (all kinds of) abuse. My grandson won't press charges though, he feels he's a stupid victim and everyone will laugh at him. He's fallen out with his parents over this. He's currently living with me.
Yep, everyone thought she was lovely, everyone believed the lies she told, no one could imagine that she was a wrong'un.

Your son and his girlfriend are still children, minors, at age 17. No one is going to investigate a child and your husband could get into trouble with this. I would explain this to your husband and make sure he stops.

He’s seen her on a dating site.

There must have been other strange behaviour from him. This is insane.

You are definitely right to be concerned.
All logical possibilities are sounding pretty grim and because of this I'd have my fingers crossed it's something medical that a GP can put right. Good luck 👍

Your husband sounds like a fucking lunatic.

Well thanks for the education, I’ll start using that term.

I would do your own digging. This school that her family went to….is that where your DH went? Was it a rival school? Is he from the area and you are not? Can you access his FB account, see if he has friends in common with her Mother or Father? Something is definitely off. Surely if he was just worried she was from a dodgy family and her parents were tearaways when younger, surely he would just tell you that? Regardless of whether it was seen as racist? There’s more to it other wise he’d just say ‘I’ve just worked out who her Dad is, he’s Joe Bloggs, he was a bit of a wrong un back in the day?

I would do your own digging for sure.

Bloody hell, @Gorse, that’s true??!

He sounds like a man who has had his ego damaged. Maybe he tried it on and she rebuffed him. Or maybe she “has a past” that he is aware of.

He is acting nuts though

Personally I don’t think you have anything to lose doing a little investigation. Your husband could have a valid sense… the way a private investigation works is nobody knows about it. Whats the harm?

He’s completely obsessed with her and wants to shag her. Knows that he can’t so is trying to make her into a villain to make himself feel better about it.

He’s just a standard perv.

Shocked to hear so many think that 17 year old are doing porn and are on only fans. If it's something like that then it's more likely she's sent a selfie to an ex who then sent it on without her permission. Suggest as pps to research her family yourself (Facebook, not with a pi!) to unearth any potential connections to your husband/ways in which they may have crossed paths.

From his remark about 'certain types of people all knowing each other' it makes me wonder if he knows the Mum or someone from his teenage/younger years & that they all possibly got up to some stuff that he feels embarrassed about you knowing.

Might just be the usual teenage tryout of weed/alcohol/other drugs but if your DH is anti drugs or made out that he's never touched anything illegal then that might be it?

Edit: to add he's probably worried about meeting the parents & the Mum saying 'Dave, do you remember that time at Steve's 17th birthday party & we all got stoned & you ran naked down the street & then you got stuck on the shed roof?"

Have you searched his Internet history yet?
I'd be concerned he either knows something dodgy about her or he's a weirdo/ racist or he's having a breakdown.
I'd think a little nosing online isn't crazy but to jump to a PI suggests he already knows something bad about her or he's nuts.

If he knows he is her father or has slept with her mother it makes no sense to hire a PI and tell the OP he is doing that, as what will it show? Makes no sense.

Drugs or prostitution yes that could make sense, a way of saying to OP look she is a prostitute or drug dealer without having to admit anything.

Well done for standing your ground OP.

😂😂 This was first mentioned at 20.12 last night 😂😂 And MANY MANY times since 😂😂