To think DH is losing the plot re: DS’s new girlfriend??

[LittleMarmiteQueen]

DS (17) has a new GF, been seeing her a few weeks. She seems nice enough, a bit quiet maybe, but polite, comes from the next town over. He’s been asking if she can stay over one weekend (they’ve been spending a lot of time here anyway, mostly watching films in his room, door open etc)

DH has suddenly decided he’s “getting bad vibes” off her. Couldn’t really explain what he meant, just that “something’s off” and “you never know these days” 🙄

He’s now saying he wants to hire a private investigator to do a background check before we let her stay the night. A PI!!! For a 17yo girl!!! He’s already been Googling local firms and tried to act like this is totally normal and responsible parenting.

I told him he was being ridiculous and over the top but he’s digging his heels in and going on about “protecting DS” and how “she could be hiding something” and we need to be “vigilant”. Honestly I’m half wondering if he’s watched too many Netflix docs lately.

FWIW we’ve met her twice, she’s been nothing but respectful, and DS is completely smitten. I think if he finds out we’re even considering this he’ll go nuclear.

AIBU to think this is a completely mad overreaction?? Or is this just modern parenting now and I’m the one who’s too relaxed?

YANBU. This is completely mad.

Honestly, unless he has some kind of trauma in his past...
He sounds ill. Has he ever reacted to anything so oddly before?

Is he quite mad? Or is he dealing with a lost youth?

He’s spotted her on his onlyfans account …

I mean, I am grasping at straws, but is there anything in the girl's background that might trigger him?

If I found out my teenager DD boyfriends father had done this I would be talking to her seriously about the type of family bf is from!

This is frankly disgusting

A private investigator? For a 17 year old? That’s insane.

What does he think she is going to do ? Is your son heir to a massive fortune or something ? He needs to butt out and stop being ridiculous

Thats crazy ! Does he want to his ds to leave home ASAP? If so he will probably get his wish.
If you took him to the gp and explained what he is trying to do and how paranoid he is over a 17 year old girl. Then i bet the gp would suspect some mental health problems

This is crazy. Tell him to get a grip.

I would be very concerned that he was seriously unwell to be suggesting something so completely insane.

If this was a film it would be because he's just realised he might be her father. I'm not suggesting for a moment that that's the case, I'm not insane too! But that's the level of crazy you've got here.

I think if he finds out we’re even considering this he’ll go nuclear.

Don't lump yourself into this! Your DH is considering it, you think it's ridiculous!

Oh no. I bet that’s it. He’s seen an onlyfans account or heard something really unsavoury about her but can’t tell you because then he’d have to confess how he knows, so he’s pretending to hire a PI so the PI can “find out” for him. I really hope that’s wrong given how young she is.

its either that or he’s had a bit of a mental break tbh.

Not “we’re”: he, ie your H. What a knob! 🤣

Madness

Until you mentioned the private eye, I must admit my first thought was that your DH had tried it on with her, and she'd told him he was old enough to be her Grandad or something, so he just wanted her gone from your lives. However the private eye thing, is something different altogether. Have you looked at her socials OP? Has your DH, and seen something that's given him a bad vibe about her? If not, then I agree with the other posters, he either needs to see a doctor, or you need to tell him to stop being such an idiot, as if his son gets wind of what he thinks, he'll be moving out for sure!

How is he going to keep track of DS when DS leaves home?

Oh dear.

This sounds like paranoid delusions. Does he have a history of mental illness? Dementia in the family?

he probably fancies her

Is she a different race/religion/social class to you and your husband can’t specify that this is what’s making him uncomfortable?

Is there possibly something about her that's sparked it and he's trying not to say as he knows it's ridiculous?

The father of one of my DDs friends did something like this when she had a boyfriend and it was as basic as he'd managed to hide the fact he was a raging racist until his daughter had a non-white boyfriend...

I would worry that he’s seen her on an only fans or something. ~ otherwise he sounds batshit

The only think I can think of that she could be hiding that would be a real danger to your son is if she an adult under a false identity grooming him or planning to exploit him in some way. While that's possible, it sounds a little far-fetched especially if no one else believes it and there's no evidence or even odd behaviour that suggests something like that. And I doubt she'd be rushing to stay at mum 'n' dad's house if that were true; she'd be trying to isolate your son.

Given that she's from nearby, does your son have friends or acquaintances in common that know here, maybe someone who goes to school with her? How did they meet? Getting to know her a little bit better will give a better idea if there's really an issue than playing detective.

I would be very worried about this. If it's out of character, very scary. If he had form for being super paranoid, well very scary too.

I've read some mad shit on here but fucking hell this makes the top 5!! A fucking PI for a 17yr old girl to stay over with her boyfriend?? Tell D(elusional)H to wind his neck in