To think DH is losing the plot re: DS’s new girlfriend??

[LittleMarmiteQueen]

DS (17) has a new GF, been seeing her a few weeks. She seems nice enough, a bit quiet maybe, but polite, comes from the next town over. He’s been asking if she can stay over one weekend (they’ve been spending a lot of time here anyway, mostly watching films in his room, door open etc)

DH has suddenly decided he’s “getting bad vibes” off her. Couldn’t really explain what he meant, just that “something’s off” and “you never know these days” 🙄

He’s now saying he wants to hire a private investigator to do a background check before we let her stay the night. A PI!!! For a 17yo girl!!! He’s already been Googling local firms and tried to act like this is totally normal and responsible parenting.

I told him he was being ridiculous and over the top but he’s digging his heels in and going on about “protecting DS” and how “she could be hiding something” and we need to be “vigilant”. Honestly I’m half wondering if he’s watched too many Netflix docs lately.

FWIW we’ve met her twice, she’s been nothing but respectful, and DS is completely smitten. I think if he finds out we’re even considering this he’ll go nuclear.

AIBU to think this is a completely mad overreaction?? Or is this just modern parenting now and I’m the one who’s too relaxed?

Yeah, expecting a drip-feed here; DS is a minor royal, and has taken up with <gasp> a member of the lower classes 😧

I know this is a joke, but the first thing that came to my mind was he knows something about her but can’t come clean what it is so wants it to come out another way!

He's nuts.

It’s deeply depressing when you think about how astonishingly unlikely it would be for the converse to happen. A middle aged woman wants to stalk her DD’s boyfriend because she was consuming his porn.

All the

Is he mentally unwell? It’s an odd decision to jump to

Awful way to find out your husband is either racist or mentally ill.

Are you landed gentry with millions in the bank, while she has 2 or 3 rich dead husbands behind her?? Coz unless that’s what’s going on… your husband is a nutcase and I’d be sitting him down for a bit of an intervention with some serious consequences if he doesn’t explain himself and then get some help.

Yes. He sounds paranoid

This is actually hilarious 🤣

I mean it's very worrying but if DP came out with something like this seriously id be questioning his IQ, getting a mental health assessment or telling anyone and everyone just to highlight how nuts he's being and wait for everyone else to tell him that to bring him back to reality.

Also I PI wouldn't investigate a child. You can't even do Claire's law on a child. She won't have bank accounts with registered addresses and debts etc. She won't have a work history or historical paper trails. What exactly can they investigate? Watching her go to school? Watching her do homework? Watching her cycling to a friend's house?

It's actually so nuts it's funny.

Even if he were racist, then unless he had mental illness he wouldn't be considering a PI because of the information above. There wouldn't be any information to gain. He'd just quietly seethe.

I actually think he's attracted to her so wants to know more about her. Sometimes people become obsessed with someone because they desire them, want to know everything about them etc He may not be comfortable with these feelings or want to consciously acknowledge it so instead feels 'somethings off', because he feels something about her and it causes him discomfort but he can't own up consciously to the attraction.

I’m afraid that the only rational explanation is due to her heritage. He’s uncomfortable because she has different coloured skin, your ‘darling’ husband is xenophobic.

There is more to this. You need to sit him down and point blank say to him that you know something more is going on here and he needs to tell you what it is.

I would expect any decent PA to contact the police as a safeguarding concern. If her parents find out I would expect they will contact the police. How would you feel if girlfriends parents became obsessed with your child to this degree?

he has seen her on only fans, and wants the PI to investigate and "find" this

Jesus Christ. I think the girl/her family would be right to pursue legal action tbh if they found out your DH is paying someone to stalk her basically. What’s this about really???! It’s definitely not about the girl imo.

He’s even her in porn. Awful for her. Grim of him.

Or possibly his daughter from a ons.

🤔PI

i Came to say this. But not really the issue I guess.

On one hand, the OP says, "they’ve been spending a lot of time here anyway, mostly watching films in his room, door open etc".

On the other hand, OP has only met her twice. Can it be both? Who's enforcing the open-door-rule if the OP and her DH aren't around when the GF is visiting a lot of times...?

And now the 17-year old who accepts the open-door-rule is asking for his GF to stay over. Will the door to his bedroom stay open over night? Or will she be staying in a different room from DS, possibly with the door locked?

Someone ought to get a PI to look into this contradictory story...

For everyone saying he viewed her content on only fans, as she's 17 is that not child sexual abuse images OP's husband would be accessing?

So best case scenario is he's a racist 🤷

He sounds like he could be unwell? Schizophrenia perhaps?

He fancies her so this is a way to spy on her legitimately.

Is it legal for an adult to stalk a teenager?

What the actual fuck, he is absurd.

If I were you I'd be seriously worried about him.

I think this poster has it.