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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dd(10) uninvited from party

613 replies

freddiewini · 13/07/2025 18:56

Dd (10) was invited to a girl in her classes leavers party after their last day. She’s not best friends with this girl, just friends but she was excited. All the girls invited( only 8 in total ) some of the boys.

She has now been uninvited because the boy the girl fancies told his friends he fancies dd. Dd doesn’t even like this boy or care about boys in general (thank god) But the girl doesn’t want dd at her party because he will be there. Dd has since been called names and been made fun of by this girl at school.

Her mums answer when I queried was just sorry but you know what girls that age are like when it comes to boys.

I would be unreasonable to let dd have her own party here wouldnt I? Dds best friends mum is encouraging me to. We have more room and a swimming pool and I know dd is generally more liked, girl has history of being mean and upsetting people.
What if we have it this weekend, (they breakup Tuesday after) inviting the other girls but obviously not the one who’s been mean to her? I

OP posts:
diddl · 13/07/2025 19:54

Her mums answer when I queried was just sorry but you know what girls that age are like when it comes to boys.

Almost feel sorry for her for having such a mum!

Catcatcat111 · 13/07/2025 19:54

I would, as long as it didn’t clash with the original party.

Devonmaid1844 · 13/07/2025 19:55

Another vote for do it, but invite the girl, also the boy that caused the bother.

It should teach your daughter that bullies can't have their way, but also to take the high ground and include people in what sounds like a small school/ local community.

Much better than teaching her to be a mean girl and show off her 'nicer' things

TomatoWildFlowers · 13/07/2025 19:55

Why wouldn't you OP? The mean girl doesn't own the concept of a end of term party does she? Don't let your DD be excluded.

Crinkleybottomburger · 13/07/2025 19:56

Do it. I’d even do it on the same day.

Dramatic · 13/07/2025 19:56

Absolutely do it!! Your daughter doesn't deserve to be left out and the only way that will happen is if you throw your own party.

Player62 · 13/07/2025 19:57

A party is a great idea, just not on the same day. And don’t feel that you have to invite the other girl. Perhaps follow your DD’s lead on this one, but I wouldn’t encourage her to show ‘kindness’ by inviting her bully into her home.

AvidJadeShaker · 13/07/2025 19:58

10 seems very young for fancying other DC.

Sunaquarius · 13/07/2025 19:58

I read your post as throwing a party on the same day which I would not do personally. I find it just as toxic as what that girl did uninviting your daughter.

I feel ike it's teaching your daughter to waste her time and energy getting wrapped up in revenge on people who don't matter.

Presumably they aren't going to the same secondary school as could backfire and cause more conflict between them.

I just don't see revenge as a healthy way to manage conflict.

If you mean throwing a party on a different day then sure, I think that's empowering, teaches your child to take things into her own hands, not let a bad experience spoil things and also you are free to not invite the mean girl because why would you after she's been so mean and it will teach her a well deserved lesson.

TheSilentSister · 13/07/2025 19:58

Primary school kids fall out all the time. I've always been quick to talk down any bad mouthing. It usually passes so quick. Next minute they're best friends again.
In your case OP, absolutely host a party for your DD. Sorry, but I'd be petty and not invite the other girl, unless your DD was gracious enough to invite her of course.I wouldn't be talking her into it though.

pinkdelight · 13/07/2025 19:59

freddiewini · 13/07/2025 19:48

That is my concern but I also think overwise I would be teaching her it’s okay to let people be mean and bully you and you should just take it.
someone will be upset and excluded and I don’t know why it should be my dd who hasn’t done anything wrong

Show quote history

So if your DD does something wrong and mean that makes it okay? I don’t think this girl has acted well but it’s her party and not beyond the realms of comprehension, esp as your DD is already more popular, more fancied, and from a wealthy family with a pool etc. Feels like a major bitchy move to do what being vaunted. Sure it can be justified but it’s still a low move. There are other ways to lift your DD’s spirits without being vengeful, dramatic and making this insecure girl feel publicly humiliated.

5128gap · 13/07/2025 19:59

Throw the party, that's a great idea. But let DD decide whether to invite the girl or not. Its her party, her friendship group and should be her decision.

runningonberocca · 13/07/2025 20:00

Absolutely! Go for it! Hope she has a fab party.
For those saying that you’re teaching her to be a mean girl - you’re not. You’re teaching her her worth and just because some boy obsessed little madam excludes her out of jealousy she can still have her own party and her own friends.
Think about it - one of your colleagues deliberately excludes you from an event. Do you then warmly invite them to your home? Of course not!
And it may do the other kid a favour - and teach her while she’s young that ditching your pals for boys doesn’t work out well and can isolate you.

Windowlight · 13/07/2025 20:00

I would 100% throw a party but definitely not on the same day. Partly because it really lacks class to do that and teaches bad behaviour to your daughter but also because it could result in a poor turn out. Pick a date (ideally before the original party) and go with that

I personally would invite the mean girl because again that shows the higher moral ground and more class. She will either decline as they’re not friends and it would be awkward to come, or she will agree and have to come and behave and it will diffuse the whole situation. If you invite her, your daughter will have played an amazing power move, but with class. She will have shown that she has plenty of friends and can throw her own party and does not need this girl, but will have also demonstrated that there is no need to be mean and leave people out, but equally she won’t be a victim

carly2803 · 13/07/2025 20:04

Disturbia81 · 13/07/2025 19:11

In this case I say go for it. Petty is usually undignified but DD has been shittily uninvited for a reason that isn’t her fault, and is pathetic. It’ll be a good lesson.

this

absolutely bloody do it!!!!!!!!!!

Tiswa · 13/07/2025 20:04

@freddiewini will this girl be at high school with her? A friend had something similar and the fall out at high school with the rumours and trouble caused by the other girl was immense

how about doing something special just with her best friend after school and the pool party another day

Cakeandcardio · 13/07/2025 20:05

In the past I would have said don't have the party. But why should your child be punished and miss out because of something she hasn't done and can't control. The other girl's mother should teach her daughter how to behave. Your daughter deserves to be included and have fun too.
People like this other girl's mother really are not on.

latetothefisting · 13/07/2025 20:06

I also expected everyone to be saying no!

How about having your party the day after? Still makes the point that actions have consequences because the other girl won't be invited (and kids will all be excited about yours and talking about it in school before they break up) but the other children won't have to choose between them, and won't make you look quite so petty as you can pretend you're taking the high road (no shade, I'd be very tempted to do exactly the same!).

If you had it the same day I'd feel bad for the few kids whose parents might (reasonably, I might do the same) make them honour the first commitment and thus be stuck at bitchy girl's on their own while the rest of the class had an amazing time at yours. Also ensures that more children will come to your dd's - I appreciate her best friend's mum is on your side but the others might feel too awkward to say 'Sorry, we've got a better offer' and dump the first invite.

Gemmawemma9 · 13/07/2025 20:09

Fuck that kid and her mum. You’re not teaching your daughter to be spiteful, as per previous holier than thou poster 🙄 you’re teaching her you’ve got her back, not to accept shitty behaviour and not to be a pushover. Also that mean girls don’t get their own way. I’d do a pool party, same date, same time, all bells and whistles and really push the boat out. And invite every kid but the mean one.

Pipsquiggle · 13/07/2025 20:09

Do the party. Invite everyone.

I would make it clear to anyone who asks why you have decided to hold it.
I would also tell this girl's DM that you would never exclude a DC from a party due to a petty crush as it teaches DC ALL the wrong life lessons.

Original poster
freddiewini · 13/07/2025 20:09

I don’t think I could let dd invite this girl whatever day it is. The last week she’s been laughed out, called ugly, had her curly hair and gap in her teeth made fun of. I don’t want this girl in our house.

OP posts:
CorneliaCupp · 13/07/2025 20:10

I would absolutely not do it on the same day, that is unbelievably petty. And if my DC had already accepted an invitation to the first party there is no way I would let her swap for something else, really rude behaviour.
Obviously you could do something else fun with your DD on the party day, and then maybe do something separately another time, but don't teach your daughter to repay cruelty with cruelty, that is an awful lesson.
And it's not being weak, they don't have to be friends, it's jljust not being as awful as she was.

Moonnstars · 13/07/2025 20:11

Would you actually be telling people why you are hosting a different party? Reading some of these comments it sounds like you would be or people are assuming you are. I would actually think both adults sound immature and in a popularity contest and I am not sure I would want my child going to either party anymore (however if I had to choose I would still say the first one as that was accepted first). Other posters have also made a good point about secondary school and not wanting to cause trouble if going to the same one. Also another good point is that they may have fallen out now but be best if friends in a week's time, so you will end up looking silly and the girls will both be blaming the mums for the drama!

Quicksilver15 · 13/07/2025 20:11

Definitely do it, but invite the mean girl, that’s taking the higher ground whilst still celebrating end of school with your daughter so that she gets some fun too. You also need to share with her that despite some of the name calling she’s experienced if never pays off to exclude people on purpose in the long run. She might not come anyway given the circumstances and then you’ve really lucked out 😂

Original poster
freddiewini · 13/07/2025 20:12

Tiswa · 13/07/2025 20:04

@freddiewini will this girl be at high school with her? A friend had something similar and the fall out at high school with the rumours and trouble caused by the other girl was immense

how about doing something special just with her best friend after school and the pool party another day

Unfortunately yes, only 4 of the girls from the primary, one is dds best friend. Dd also already also has friends going from dance so I hope will be able to immediately separate herself

OP posts:
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