Dd(10) uninvited from party

[freddiewini]

Dd (10) was invited to a girl in her classes leavers party after their last day. She’s not best friends with this girl, just friends but she was excited. All the girls invited( only 8 in total ) some of the boys.

She has now been uninvited because the boy the girl fancies told his friends he fancies dd. Dd doesn’t even like this boy or care about boys in general (thank god) But the girl doesn’t want dd at her party because he will be there. Dd has since been called names and been made fun of by this girl at school.

Her mums answer when I queried was just sorry but you know what girls that age are like when it comes to boys.

I would be unreasonable to let dd have her own party here wouldnt I? Dds best friends mum is encouraging me to. We have more room and a swimming pool and I know dd is generally more liked, girl has history of being mean and upsetting people.
What if we have it this weekend, (they breakup Tuesday after) inviting the other girls but obviously not the one who’s been mean to her? I

Bollocks, her DD will actively miss out on a leavers party if op doesn't host her own one. How is that fair?

I'd send another message to the mum pointing out your child has done nothing wrong and she is teaching her daughter to pit herself against other girls from a young age. It's really terrible parenting to let a little girl do this to another girl.

Then tell your daughter she can choose one or two friends to invite for a sleepover or something another time. I wouldn't do a rival party.

We don’t know if dd has cousins locally. What about putting parents into a conundrum, what did they do to have to negotiate this headache?

Oh, this rubbish. Children's parties. Drama and possible resentment from a young age.😭

it was dds best friends mums idea, not mine. So at least her dd would prefer to come to dds party. But I’m pretty certain most of the other girls would too.

Oh wow, that’s so early!
It’s 31st August in England for the cut-off.
I’m 40 weeks pregnant so this baby will be another young one in her class.

Very good, sensible advice. I hope OP takes it.

In that case, maybe ask if her best friend could come to yours instead and you'll set up the pool for them both. Rather than a whole rival party?

Yeh, I had no idea it was different here to England. Makes me look really stupid on this thread haha

I get why you want to but I'm not sure what it would really achieve.

Some might go to the other girls as they have accepted & their parents make them.

Some might go to your daughter's purely for the pool!

Surely better to have it on another day so the kids aren't conflicted?

Well if I had already rsvp’d for my child to the first party and got an invite to the OPs at best I would have to decline as already committed, at worst I would think OP is pretty pathetic for organising a rival party, regardless of the reason

Either way it’s the OPs DD I feel sorry for. Having to deal with Regina George at school or risk having a party with no attendees because of her mum

We don’t, but if this causes the parents a headache, they must have an easy life.
If I was put in this position as a parent, I’d just ask my child “which party do you want to go to…”
The children are in Year 6 so they can decide for themselves.
They’re about to go into high school where there will be hundreds more children/more parties/more clashes etc.

Whoopie😏 My advice is to take @Toomanyweedsoutthere advice. It’s excellent and has value. Unlike a lot of spiteful nonsense on here. (Two spites don’t make a right).

That is my concern but I also think overwise I would be teaching her it’s okay to let people be mean and bully you and you should just take it.
someone will be upset and excluded and I don’t know why it should be my dd who hasn’t done anything wrong

Her mums answer when I queried was just sorry but you know what girls that age are like when it comes to boys.

Eh? They're 9! What an inappropriate comment. And to encourage interest in boys over kindness to her friends is just gross. Sounds like your DD is so much better off without them.

Have a great pool party.

The children may prefer to go to your daughters party, but bare in mind a lot of parents wouldn’t let their child go if they had already agreed to go to a different party, because it would be seen as rude.

OP, I’m not sure I would take advice from this poster on what spiteful behaviour is, given they are displaying it themselves.

I meant I was expecting everyone to say no.

My brain was trying to do the maths as well.

Be the bigger person here.
Yes organise another party but doing it the same day just looks petty. As others have said it could also backfire. If my child came home having already accepted an invite to the first party then I would not be letting them suddenly go to another party instead.

It sounds like this is an unofficial thing anyway and just what some mum has decided to do rather than a school event as you mention only some boys have been invited and not all, so your DD won't be the only child not going to this event.

This is why these parties become ridiculous with it becoming a popularity contest and parents competing!

I would 100% have a party and not invite the other child. But I wouldn’t do it on the same day. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

Did you respond to the mum? I would have to say something about it, she’s behaved appallingly. Her daughter has clearly learned her behaviour from her spiteful mum. How pathetic.

Im astounded that this is even coming up at this age? Dd is just leaving primary school and this wouldn’t even occur to her. Some
of the kids in her class have been boyfriend girlfriend but it’s been so innocent and very random. I’m not sure they even fancy each other 🤣

She doesn’t turn 11 until august, in time for secondary school in September.

I would do it, on the last day and I would include the other girl so you have the moral high ground for any parents who feel bad about coming to yours after agreeing to go to the other girl.

Edit - surely the mum would have to politely decline anyway after excluding your dd. If not at least it will be super awkward for the mum. The dd is being horrible but it is the mum not correcting her behaviour that is the real issue.

Just to add - if someone did this to a child in DD’s class and I got a new invite that clashes with the one I already accepted, I actually would pull out of the first party because of how they have treated your daughter. And I would tell the mother that too. No way would I go along with such spiteful behaviour.

Unless there is a backstory and you and your daughter are a nightmare 🤣

There’s nothing wrong with holding another party as long as it doesn’t clash, but I wouldn’t exclude any of the children. Either the behaviour is wrong, or it’s fine. If it’s wrong (which excluding a child clearly is) then I wouldn’t be teaching my daughter that it’s acceptable.

Take your daughter out for something really fun on the day of the party that she’ll be missing!