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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dd(10) uninvited from party

613 replies

freddiewini · 13/07/2025 18:56

Dd (10) was invited to a girl in her classes leavers party after their last day. She’s not best friends with this girl, just friends but she was excited. All the girls invited( only 8 in total ) some of the boys.

She has now been uninvited because the boy the girl fancies told his friends he fancies dd. Dd doesn’t even like this boy or care about boys in general (thank god) But the girl doesn’t want dd at her party because he will be there. Dd has since been called names and been made fun of by this girl at school.

Her mums answer when I queried was just sorry but you know what girls that age are like when it comes to boys.

I would be unreasonable to let dd have her own party here wouldnt I? Dds best friends mum is encouraging me to. We have more room and a swimming pool and I know dd is generally more liked, girl has history of being mean and upsetting people.
What if we have it this weekend, (they breakup Tuesday after) inviting the other girls but obviously not the one who’s been mean to her? I

OP posts:
ShallIstart · 13/07/2025 20:12

I would have told my dauvhter to stop being mean and the party would be cancelled if i was the mother of the other daughter.
I would have the party. Make it amazing, but also invite the girl. And the boy. To show you wont stand for bullies and just generally are a nicer person.

OakleyAnnie · 13/07/2025 20:13

Rise above it. Make the party. Invite all the children including the mean girl. And the boy in question. Mean girl can choose to come or not if she doesn’t want to see your dd and the boy

Livpool · 13/07/2025 20:13

I’d don’t own party but not at the same time
as the other one. You’d be causing people a lot on angst!

If I have agreed for DS to go to a party, I wouldn’t cancel and go to another one. That’s just rude.

BunnyLake · 13/07/2025 20:13

PopThatBench · 13/07/2025 19:47

We don’t, but if this causes the parents a headache, they must have an easy life.
If I was put in this position as a parent, I’d just ask my child “which party do you want to go to…”
The children are in Year 6 so they can decide for themselves.
They’re about to go into high school where there will be hundreds more children/more parties/more clashes etc.

Show quote history

Lots of things at school can cause a headache but in the wider world are nothing. Such a cliche to say must have an easy life, just because it’s not global headline newsworthy.

If I have RSVPd then they are going to the first party.

SmallBox · 13/07/2025 20:14

Have the party, invite the boys AND her, then accidentally push her in the swimming pool with her clothes on.

Ultravox · 13/07/2025 20:14

This is ridiculous from the other parent. They are 10!!! The girl and her mother sound absolutely horrible.

I wouldn’t absolutely have another party and not invite her, but I wouldn’t have it the same day as any decent person would honour the original invitation if they had accepted it.

Have it the day before or the day after.

Gemmawemma9 · 13/07/2025 20:15

DO NOT invite mean girl. What some kids are missing nowadays is a healthy taste of their own medicine. A lesson needs to be taught, her parents clearly won’t do it!!

PinkGlitterNails · 13/07/2025 20:16

Gemmawemma9 · 13/07/2025 20:09

Fuck that kid and her mum. You’re not teaching your daughter to be spiteful, as per previous holier than thou poster 🙄 you’re teaching her you’ve got her back, not to accept shitty behaviour and not to be a pushover. Also that mean girls don’t get their own way. I’d do a pool party, same date, same time, all bells and whistles and really push the boat out. And invite every kid but the mean one.

Great adulting 🙄

SheridansPortSalut · 13/07/2025 20:17

Have the party but don't leave out one child.

diddl · 13/07/2025 20:18

I wouldn't invite the mean girl-bully?

How about some girls from dance also then if they are changing schools?

yesIknowbut · 13/07/2025 20:18

Will they both be going to the upper/high school?
If so, bringing drama into the move is not good.
I get why you'd do the alternative party but all of it smacks of mean girls.
I'd go back to the original girl's mum, say you think it's shitty, then WhatsApp all the other parents of the kids going to tell them what's happening and suggest that letting their Kids attend is complicit with bullying.
I too was bullied for teeth gap and being a bit different to every one else, high ground is best here.

runningonberocca · 13/07/2025 20:21

Quicksilver15 · 13/07/2025 20:11

Definitely do it, but invite the mean girl, that’s taking the higher ground whilst still celebrating end of school with your daughter so that she gets some fun too. You also need to share with her that despite some of the name calling she’s experienced if never pays off to exclude people on purpose in the long run. She might not come anyway given the circumstances and then you’ve really lucked out 😂

Edited

Feck the higher ground! Do not invite the mean little bully to your home. Adults wouldn’t invite a bullying colleague over - why should the OPs daughter have to feel uncomfortable in her own home at her own party?

lovemetomybones · 13/07/2025 20:21

Two wrongs don’t make a right. By holding it on the same day you are putting the other children in a terrible situation where they have to choose between your child and the other. And if you triumph and they come, the other child’s party is ruined that’s a lesson of revenge and that’s just awful making you just as bad as the original issue. If you don’t’win’ them your child is going to be doubly hurt.

hold a party but on a different day. Invite the girl in question, so you are teaching her a lesson that excluding people is wrong and never justified. Play some girl power songs and show both girls how to overcome social issues.

as Michelle Obama said’when they go low, you go high’ don’t teach your girl how to combat hurt with revenge it will never ever work out well.

PopThatBench · 13/07/2025 20:21

BunnyLake · 13/07/2025 20:13

Lots of things at school can cause a headache but in the wider world are nothing. Such a cliche to say must have an easy life, just because it’s not global headline newsworthy.

If I have RSVPd then they are going to the first party.

Edited
Show quote history

If asking a 10 year-old to choose between two parties gives somebody a headache, yes, they must have an easy life.

itsgettingweird · 13/07/2025 20:22

Madisnttheword · 13/07/2025 19:41

Oh okay. Must be different in northern Ireland. The cut off point is June 30th so someone with an August birthday would have been one of the eldest in the class

Show quote history

Yes in England it’s 1st Sept to 31st Aug.

Moonnstars · 13/07/2025 20:22

yesIknowbut · 13/07/2025 20:18

Will they both be going to the upper/high school?
If so, bringing drama into the move is not good.
I get why you'd do the alternative party but all of it smacks of mean girls.
I'd go back to the original girl's mum, say you think it's shitty, then WhatsApp all the other parents of the kids going to tell them what's happening and suggest that letting their Kids attend is complicit with bullying.
I too was bullied for teeth gap and being a bit different to every one else, high ground is best here.

If I got a message like that I would think both mums are insane and want to avoid them both!

Gemmawemma9 · 13/07/2025 20:22

PinkGlitterNails · 13/07/2025 20:16

Great adulting 🙄

Show quote history

Get off your high horse, you tit.

Lookuptotheskies · 13/07/2025 20:24

I'd tell DD she is welcome to invite some friends round on the day of the party that she has been disinvited to.

If kids are invited to both it's then their choice. She could also invite her dance class friends maybe? Make it a focus on celebrating her GOOD friends that are kind.

If I was mean kid's mum I'd be telling her no to be so mean and petty. "You're not invited to my party anymore" is such year one behaviour, and even then it's not acceptable.

Throw a party op. Why should your kid be sat at home sad knowing the bully is having a lovely time.

PinkGlitterNails · 13/07/2025 20:25

It might be best to remember we are all adults here - I am parent to a DD. It’s not an American film, it’s real life and these are ten year old girls. As an adult parent, I behaved like a decent adult parent. I would have let my almost 11 year old DD decide who to invite to her leavers’ party. As someone 40 years older, I don’t really remember the mean girls from primary school, but I certainly remember the mean Mums.

Cheesetoastiees · 13/07/2025 20:25

Rather than a party could she just invite one or two of the girls, her best friend for a really fun day out (that rivals the party) or something similar? Rather than holding a statement party, explain to those mums the situation. Might be better than a full on party and taking all the guests but enough to make your daughter feel less rubbish and have something to look forward to rather than feeling rubbish about it all.

Teanandtoast · 13/07/2025 20:26

Do it! Especially that it's on a different date, enjoy it!

lovemetomybones · 13/07/2025 20:26

some of this ‘advice’ is exactly why children become adults who can’t solve issues without being nasty ‘teaching them a lesson’ it’s utterly heartbreaking. If we approach every issue with compassion maybe the world would not be so full of haters.

JRsandCoffee · 13/07/2025 20:27

Hmmmm what does your daughter want to do? I’d say this is key.

Without getting into the already widely discussed moral/ parenting angles a rival party on the day is going to take some social nerve and confidence to carry off heading into secondary. If the other kid has form for meanness, name calling etc and they are heading to the same school she won’t hold back and with a much bigger pool of kids who don’t know your daughter she could cause problems in the first day that could take months to clear. I know mine would opt to do something else nice on the day and a trip or pool party with close friends at a later date.

SENNeeds2 · 13/07/2025 20:27

I would prob have the leavers party the night before - ie if the last day is the friday I would have it on the Thursday after school.
You won't look spiteful but also all the girls at the friday party will be talking about your party .... so you are being sneakily spiteful.

NoBodyIdRatherBe · 13/07/2025 20:27

I would host a party another day and definitely won’t invite the bully. Just because of the situation it might create for your guests. Do something nice with your DD on the day of the other party.