Dd(10) uninvited from party

[freddiewini]

Dd (10) was invited to a girl in her classes leavers party after their last day. She’s not best friends with this girl, just friends but she was excited. All the girls invited( only 8 in total ) some of the boys.

She has now been uninvited because the boy the girl fancies told his friends he fancies dd. Dd doesn’t even like this boy or care about boys in general (thank god) But the girl doesn’t want dd at her party because he will be there. Dd has since been called names and been made fun of by this girl at school.

Her mums answer when I queried was just sorry but you know what girls that age are like when it comes to boys.

I would be unreasonable to let dd have her own party here wouldnt I? Dds best friends mum is encouraging me to. We have more room and a swimming pool and I know dd is generally more liked, girl has history of being mean and upsetting people.
What if we have it this weekend, (they breakup Tuesday after) inviting the other girls but obviously not the one who’s been mean to her? I

Do it

You dont mean you'd hold a rival party at the same time, surely?
?

You don't mean the same day do you?

But the other girl uninvited your dd, so you’re just doing this so your dd gets to go to a party.

How mean of them. A 10 year old we can forgive - just needs told what’s what on that nonsense. However she’s sadly got a weak, ridiculous parent. Go ahead and throw your daughter a party. I think I would maybe invite the other girl to show the mother how to behave properly.

You are entitled to throw a party for your child whenever you want to and invite whoever she wants to. The only time it would be unacceptable is if you planned it for the same time as the other one, which you aren’t, so go ahead and give your DD a great party to celebrate in her own way with people she likes

Have a party but invite all the girls and boys.
Demonstrate better manners and it's utterly ridiculous at 10 that this kind of behaviour is allowed

Surely you should go for it but also invite the mean girl? Then you teach the lesson (she can’t exclude your daughter) and keep the high road. Otherwise I think it makes you look as bad as her really, even though she started it.

I think it is ok to hold another party, but obviously NOT at the same time - if only because you put all the nice kids and their families in the impossible position of having to ‘choose sides’.

Do it, order pizza as well

Do it.
Your daughter is your priority. Give her an amazing time.

Was the original idea is that they would, being a leavers party after the the last day of school.

If this is what it takes to live in your world then do it (only if your pool is heated to 30 degrees as a cold pool is just so naff and depressing).

I would take my DC out for the day and not be drawn into an American teen drama situation.

Have a movie day with your DD. Heathers, Pretty in Pink and The Breakfast Club may help you weather the storm!

I wouldn't want to teach revenge and spite myself but there's no reason you can't hold your own summer party at another time to this one. Whilst horrible for your dd it's these experiences that allow them to learn. Choose good friends who don't behave like this and hold your head up and recognise the other person is at fault.

I wouldn’t invite the mean girl, you don’t need to invite people that have bullied you to your party. In fact, that’s really encouraging her to have no boundaries whatsoever. Being mean would be having the party, inviting her, then uninviting her, and then bullying her in the playground. Your DD is just having a leaving party given she’s not able to go to the other one that’s been scheduled.

Oh and it wouldn’t come across as DD being the ‘bigger’ one given the mother and her daughter clearly don’t have the same standards. I think being the bigger one sometimes is akin to the dreaded ‘be kind.’ Girls don’t need to be kind to people who are not being kind to them. She owes her nothing.

This girl is bullying the OP's daughter - inviting her isn't taking the moral high ground, it's prioritising someone who's been really unkind over her own comfort in her own home.

And why should this girl get to choose whether she attends or not - she's not a friend and shouldn't have the power to make the OP's daughter feel on edge at her own party. At 10, shes old enough to understand that this is the natural consequence to her behaviour.

First poster has it.

I can be a bit petty but even i wouldnt do it same day.... I'd do on the last day of school so the day immediately before the other girls party.

I'd def do Pool and pizzas and say a small prayer everyone is telling mean girl how lame.her party is vs your dds.

Then I change my answer to no. In your OP, you said this weekend not next Tuesday.
Doing it on the same day makes it into a popularity competition and this child sounds like they have shitty self-esteem as it is, if they need to be validated by the opposite sex
TLDR: weekend fine, same day not

Do it! I would, no hesitation.

You’re right - OP’s daughter should have the choice about whether to invite the mean girl.

@BoredZelda

It helps by supporting her in not sinking to the mean behaviour.

Doing something nice with her whilst party is on would help. Organising a pool gathering or two at over the summer and having an end of summer, pre secondary school party would be good.

Teaching her that poor behaviour is a good response is not helpful. It will not be the last time she encounters this kind of behaviour. Recognising ‘mean girl’ stuff and not descending to retaliatory unkindness is, in my view, a good skill

I’d do it the day after.

Would be awful if the invited kids were talking about the pool party during the leavers party.

But I’m in a bad mood today. I RL I’d do it at the weekend!

This is true - she owes her nothing. I wonder if they are going to the same high school?

Definitely do a party but not on the same day. It puts so many kids (and parents) into an uncomfortable situation and you might not like if parents without the full story pick a birthday over a ‘just because’ party. Bringing the pool and bigger house into it is definitely a draw, but to be frank makes you sound a bit dickish/buying friends (which I’m sure isn’t your intent).

On the party day take DD out, have a nice time, etc etc. but don’t sink to the competing level as that’s no way to end a school year (or let that fester into high school!)

I'm a bit confused, only one pp had said no when you posted this?

If you have the means and energy to do it then have a party. Why not? Bullies shouldn't win