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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dd(10) uninvited from party

613 replies

freddiewini · 13/07/2025 18:56

Dd (10) was invited to a girl in her classes leavers party after their last day. She’s not best friends with this girl, just friends but she was excited. All the girls invited( only 8 in total ) some of the boys.

She has now been uninvited because the boy the girl fancies told his friends he fancies dd. Dd doesn’t even like this boy or care about boys in general (thank god) But the girl doesn’t want dd at her party because he will be there. Dd has since been called names and been made fun of by this girl at school.

Her mums answer when I queried was just sorry but you know what girls that age are like when it comes to boys.

I would be unreasonable to let dd have her own party here wouldnt I? Dds best friends mum is encouraging me to. We have more room and a swimming pool and I know dd is generally more liked, girl has history of being mean and upsetting people.
What if we have it this weekend, (they breakup Tuesday after) inviting the other girls but obviously not the one who’s been mean to her? I

OP posts:
goldenquestion · 19/07/2025 18:11

I’m all for this. I threw my 15 year old daughter a party on valentines day because a handful of her group of friends had planned a galentines sleepover and not invited her and a couple of others and then tried to keep it a secret (while simultaneously talking about it non stop 🙄). I let DD invite a load of her friends (girls and boys) and she said to the others sorry I know you can’t make it cos of the sleepover. They were annoyed because house parties are very few and far between in their circle as none of us particularly want to give up our house for a loud group of teens.

Sometimes petty makes you feel better 🤷 .

Jonesboot · 19/07/2025 18:13

Hope you the party goes well and your daughter and her friends have a great time. I don't see anything wrong with what you're doing.

TheaBrandt1 · 19/07/2025 18:15

Love it golden! The girls who at primary used to leave dd out are still in their fixed all girl friendship group having sleepovers at 16 and are dying to be invited to the glamorous parties dd now goes to with her fun mixed cool crowd. Do enjoy abit of karma.

Hopefulhousebuyer1 · 19/07/2025 19:04

I hope your daughter enjoyed her leavers party with her friends. Well done mum 👏🏻 I would have done exactly the same. Your dd knows you have her back and that mean girls dont win.

Fridaynightfish · 19/07/2025 19:08

Hope the party went well and your DD had an amazing time!

You did the right thing giving your DD the same experience as the others without inviting the bully!!

TheBusyCritic · 19/07/2025 19:12

Throw the party! You’ve got a swimming pool! Your daughters aura points are gonna be sky high 😂

LivelyMintViper · 19/07/2025 19:21

Another hoping DD had a great time. Too many are frightened to call out bullying. Well done for making a stand

Comeonbabyblue · 19/07/2025 19:29

I'd do exactly what you've done! Hope your dd has the best time.

Solobanana · 19/07/2025 19:32

I’d have a party too. Hope you’re DD had a great time x

Kazzmarie12 · 19/07/2025 19:59

It's not really the lttle girls fault, her mom should speak too her about being spiteful it's learned behaviour obviously off the mother who is endorsing her daughter too act that way ! personally I'd throw my daughter a pool party but invite the girl too show mother your not petty or spiteful and maybe the girl will learn a valuable lesson off you and your daughter about being kind.

carly2803 · 19/07/2025 19:59

freddiewini · 15/07/2025 12:20

Again. What would going high mean? Let my daughter be bullied, not let her have a party to celebrate with her friends, make her invite bully to her party?

Show quote history

hope your daughter had THE BEST party !

I would have done it too OP!

Howtotrainarabbit · 19/07/2025 20:49

If your DD is upset and a party would help then go for it

user1491396110 · 19/07/2025 21:09

Well done for putting your daughter first and letting her enjoy a get together with her friends when she's been excluded. I can't understand why others would put a bully above their own child's feelings. It's not like you are doing the get together on the same day, I can't understand the issue at all.

We have a girl like this in my daughters class, its a nightmare as it's such a lovely class otherwise.

I hope your daughter is having a great time with her friends.

Newusername3kidss · 19/07/2025 21:15

DO THE PARTY!! Also invite the whole class including this girl…

her mum is ridiculous for encouraging this “aah it’s liking boys” nonsense . They are 10/11 years ago. They all just all friends .

murasaki · 19/07/2025 21:34

Newusername3kidss · 19/07/2025 21:15

DO THE PARTY!! Also invite the whole class including this girl…

her mum is ridiculous for encouraging this “aah it’s liking boys” nonsense . They are 10/11 years ago. They all just all friends .

This girl has been horrible to OP's daughter. I hope she enjoyed the party without her.

pineapplesundae · 20/07/2025 05:16

Can you hold your party the day before?

TheGreenUser · 20/07/2025 07:10

freddiewini · 13/07/2025 18:56

Dd (10) was invited to a girl in her classes leavers party after their last day. She’s not best friends with this girl, just friends but she was excited. All the girls invited( only 8 in total ) some of the boys.

She has now been uninvited because the boy the girl fancies told his friends he fancies dd. Dd doesn’t even like this boy or care about boys in general (thank god) But the girl doesn’t want dd at her party because he will be there. Dd has since been called names and been made fun of by this girl at school.

Her mums answer when I queried was just sorry but you know what girls that age are like when it comes to boys.

I would be unreasonable to let dd have her own party here wouldnt I? Dds best friends mum is encouraging me to. We have more room and a swimming pool and I know dd is generally more liked, girl has history of being mean and upsetting people.
What if we have it this weekend, (they breakup Tuesday after) inviting the other girls but obviously not the one who’s been mean to her? I

Canadian Lol GIF

Please do it and make sure you invite that boy too!!

FartNRoses · 20/07/2025 08:15

KitsPoint · 14/07/2025 07:18

It would be one thing if OP’s daughter was already due to have a party (etc upcoming birthday), and OP and DD decided not to invite this other girl. That would be quite understandable/reasonable.

Ditto, to want to do something nice for OP’s daughter to cheer her up after being disinvited and missing out.

But to organise a party the main/only purpose of which is to exclude a 10 year old, and to rub her (and her mother’s) face in it?!

Yep that’s stooping to the same shitty, petty, relational bullying level of the other mum and daughter.

Sloe hand clap for anyone that thinks that’s the solution here.

And…..
so the OP and daughter stoop to the same level. They still get a party, a happy 10 year old and a mother who will see her daughter included in her own soirée.
Moral of the story: When you’re treated unfairly, it’s okay to stand up for yourself and surround yourself with people who value you.

Minglingpringle · 20/07/2025 08:35

Have the party, it sounds fun.

Invite the other girl. Don’t repeat the behaviour that you found so unacceptable. That would make you as bad as the other mum.

Also, excluding her would burn bridges and create bad blood that would probably echo down the years into the future. Possibly escalating with ever-bigger tit-for-tat retaliations.

Also, it’s the mum who’s an idiot, not the girl, so try and teach the girl better ways. What mum agrees to uninvite a friend because the boy you like fancies her? And why is this ten year old so sexualised?

Merryoldgoat · 20/07/2025 08:41

Moral of the story: When you’re treated unfairly, it’s okay to stand up for yourself and surround yourself with people who value you.

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

Baabaa123 · 20/07/2025 08:58

BoredZelda · 13/07/2025 19:10

How does that help her daughter?

Show quote history

It teaches her to go high and not low? It stops this developing into a feud which could impact her throughout her school career? It teaches her the importance of being kind? It's outrageous that the mum has backed up her daughter in "uninviting" a child to her party because the boy she likes likes another girl(!!!???). Perhaps do something lovely with DD on the day of the party, something that's quality time with DD reinforcing that she's loved and even if other people reject her, she is still loved and can still have a good time and good life.

Allog · 20/07/2025 09:34

10 year old girls falling out over boys is crazy.

TheaBrandt1 · 20/07/2025 09:41

The world is divided into two camps it seems. Those whose response on their child being badly treated is to think sod you I’m having oir own party for my kid with people she likes and you mean girl are not one of them.

Then those that (inexplicably in my opinion) want to pander to the mean girl and actually invite her into their child’s home and shower her with treats in the misguided view that this makes them Michelle Obama or something. The mean kid would probably be baffled herself by this.

Calliopespa · 20/07/2025 12:34

TheaBrandt1 · 20/07/2025 09:41

The world is divided into two camps it seems. Those whose response on their child being badly treated is to think sod you I’m having oir own party for my kid with people she likes and you mean girl are not one of them.

Then those that (inexplicably in my opinion) want to pander to the mean girl and actually invite her into their child’s home and shower her with treats in the misguided view that this makes them Michelle Obama or something. The mean kid would probably be baffled herself by this.

No I think that's a misread of some posters, and also a massive over-simplification.

I'm definitely not in the camp of pandering to the bully. No way would I be inviting her. I actually think that borders on the ridiculous.

I was in the camp of saying just have a party and don't invite her. I actually didn't quite even see what the dilemma was or why op had posted - until I realised that the party was effectively all the girls except the bully.

I don't think it is an unusual standard of decency that most people think in any kind of situation where there is a formal delineation of a group (think class, NCT group, book club etc) its just bad form to invite almost everybody. I'd say a general rule of about half is reasonable - though obviously the numbers differ depending. 20 invited from a class of 37 I'd think was fine. Its just a case of not making the exclusions pointed.

This behaviour standard isn't about the bully or what she "deserves"; its about the op's DD. It's so pointed you might as well say to everyone:" oh you will of course notice x isn't coming, there's a reason for that which you all well know: she de-invited my DD." And of course they probably all know. But its beginning to get petty and unedifying.

My stance on bullies is don't let them make you do anything you don't want to do. I wouldn't want to be that petty person. So i wouldn't do the all-bar-one party list. That kind of justification for behaving differently out of spite has no limits: well she killed my cat first ... and so on. I just wouldn't be teaching my dc that. It feels empowering at the time but has actually instilled a pattern that isn't healthy. DH beats you up and abuses you? So abuse him back? No: know your worth and walk away, Find a better life. Be who you want to be not who the bully has tricked you into being.

I'd personally be picking a loyal friend or maybe two and doing something as amazing as you can afford for a treat op. Shame the numbers make a party tricky - but that's life, and, I suspect, why you posted in the first place. If there were 30 girls to choose from of course you could go ahead and have a cracking party.

But I would choose something else. And deep down I think you would too or you wouldn't have seen a reason to start a thread.

Calliopespa · 20/07/2025 12:53

Oh and no harm, op, in including that boy in an alternative treat ...