Dd(10) uninvited from party

[freddiewini]

Dd (10) was invited to a girl in her classes leavers party after their last day. She’s not best friends with this girl, just friends but she was excited. All the girls invited( only 8 in total ) some of the boys.

She has now been uninvited because the boy the girl fancies told his friends he fancies dd. Dd doesn’t even like this boy or care about boys in general (thank god) But the girl doesn’t want dd at her party because he will be there. Dd has since been called names and been made fun of by this girl at school.

Her mums answer when I queried was just sorry but you know what girls that age are like when it comes to boys.

I would be unreasonable to let dd have her own party here wouldnt I? Dds best friends mum is encouraging me to. We have more room and a swimming pool and I know dd is generally more liked, girl has history of being mean and upsetting people.
What if we have it this weekend, (they breakup Tuesday after) inviting the other girls but obviously not the one who’s been mean to her? I

But why? Her daughter was invited to a party, uninvited, then bullied by the girl in the playground. She can’t go to the leavers party on the last day that all of her friends are going to, through no fault of our own, and when everybody else is celebrating with the girl who publicly bullied her.

So her mum has decided to schedule a party a few days later so that she does get to at least celebrate with her friends at some point. She’s not inviting the girl that did the bullying. Literally, how could anybody object this? It’s so strange.

Just to reiterate, on the last day of school, she will know that everybody is going to a party that she isn’t invited to. Everybody else knows this, including the bully’s mother who is OK with it. And she’s supposed to invite that girl to her own party a few days later? Really?

Agree it’s mental!!! Why is bully girl allowed to be really really mean and shitty to ops Dd yet ops Dd has to be a paragon of virtue and “go high” and pander around bully girl and still invite her to her own party ?! Absolutely fuck that! Makes no sense.

If I did something so mad Dh wouldn’t allow it anyway he has really really high standards for how he and our dds are treated which some on this thread would be horrified at no doubt. Bully girl wouldn’t cross our threshold..

I wouldn't. It's giving tacit approval to 'mean girl' behaviour. If you want to demonstrate how to do this, have the party, invite this girl, show her and her mum that petty grudges are only for petty people.

The fact that your dd's party will be better will the silent lesson taught.

And actually, MO didn't go high when she didn't turn up to Trump's inauguration.

Do as I say and all that....

Exactly! She didn’t take her own advice there did she!

Huh? Tacit approval for a bully’s behaviour would be inviting the bully to the victims party, just to try to look like you have some kind of moral highground. It’s not petty to tell girls they don’t need to ‘be kind’ to bullies. If we actually want to be kind to bullies then we’re better off not tolerating their behaviour so they don’t turn into nasty adults.

I’d go as far as saying that telling a victim that they have to invite their bully to their party is actually a form of bullying in itself.

Is it a grudge? Or is it just not wanting someone who is unpleasant towards you to come to your house? That would been considered reasonable for an adult.

ETA - and the best way to show approval of the bully’s behaviour would be to invite her!

I just think we have so many girls who go on to be women that put up with abusive behaviour due to societal conditioning. This thread is rife with it and I’d say a lot of the posts themselves have a bullying, faux-sanctimonious tone towards the OP. Never take adevice about bullying from bunnies. Nobody is telling OP’s daughter to bully her bully, they’re just saying she doesn’t have to invite her to a party. A party she’s having as she’s not allowed to go the original party.

I’d actually go on to say that, if you were actually going to take advice from a bully, I’m pretty sure if they were honest they would tell you not to be a doormat. That way leads… more bullying.

Totally agree. You only have to look at threads on here. Not just relationship ones, but people with horrible friends, colleagues who are totally taking advantage, siblings who walk all over them, but they don’t want to seem “mean” or “unkind” so they put up with it.
I genuinely don’t understand how anyone could argue with the idea that you don’t have to invite the person bullying you to your house.

"Never take advice about bullying from bunnies"

The best, if not the most bizarre, advice of the day.
🐰

😄 I was going to say bullies or bunnies but I’m fine with the bunnies, actually,

The bunnies would probably give better advice than the “be kind / go high” numpties on this thread!

You’re right. I’m sticking with the my bunnies (and not just because it’s too late for me to edit 😂)

#behind

But, only if you are the OP and her upset daughter, not the bully or the bully's mum.

🙄

Wow.... this is what girls this age (10) are like??!!! with boys????!!! Mines not!!!. Why on earth has the mother of this 10 year old let this happen. My daughter is 10 and there is no way I would let her behave like this. And certainly not over a boy. I mean I can't believe it really what utter shit these stupid people are perpetuating.

What she said!!!!🙌🙌

I remember this did happen at my children’s junior school and I know it’s normal development for some kids (it’s usually innocent ‘liking’ or pretend ‘going out with’) but what made me cringe myself inside out were the mothers that encouraged it with cutesy dates and pictures on Facebook.

Agree you cant ask the bully op.

That would be wet.

But I think there is a middle ground between being a "wet wipe" and stooping to the same level of behaviour. The other girls mum probably thought she was teaching her dd to be strong and just get exactly what she wants.

ETA ...when actually she was just letting her dd be a twat.

i Wonder if they’re inviting the same people that’ll attend bully girl party

I recall that there's an overlap. The daughter is friends with the other girls in the class - there's only a small number - and a few of the boys. Some posters have expressed concern over the fact that the other girl will be the only girl not to be invited, but that's almost inevitable given that boys are in the majority in the class.

If it doesn't clash, I would do it.
And girls aren't 'boy mad' at 10 at all. Nonsense. Yes, there may be a bit of low-level fancying but this girl/mum is being ridiculous.

I just feel like your self esteem doesn't have to depend on other people's validation.

So you were excluded from a party, that says more about them than it does about you.

Make a mental note that this child is a nob that you don't want to be involved with and move on.

I don't think taking other people down is what a healthy person does, a healthy person focuses on protecting themselves not attacking others.

I think retaliating is the opposite of strong. I think it's is weak, it shows that your self esteem is fragile, that you need to hurt others to feel good about yourself. I think a strong reaction would be to not invite them to future things that you hold and throw your own leaving party on a different day. Don't let her take a away a leaving party from your daughter by throwing your own and show that you don't accept her mean behaviour by not inviting her to it.

She’s is throwing it on a different day.

I agree with you 100% let your daughter have an amazing party. Show her that you will show up for her and have her best interests at heart. She will always remember how you had her back and that’s the most important thing.

I actually disagree, as you will be doing the same thing back to this girl. Be the better person (it’s very hard) but hold your head high and ignore them