To tell my bro his wife is secretly preventing pregnancy?

[MyameVyce]

About 2 years ago my bro told me he’s trying for a baby with his wife. He was really excited and was hoping it would happen quickly for them because he can’t wait to be a dad. With it being a personal sensitive topic I would not ask further updates, but he’s made a few rueful comments about how it isn’t happening. He mentioned that his wife had said she doesn’t want fertility investigations or treatments and if it doesn’t happen naturally she’d be ok with that.

Problem is that SIL made a weird kind of confession to me where she basically told me she’s on contraception and my bro doesn’t know. Conversation was bizarre. She giggled and saying “ssshhhh” don’t tell him.

I have no interest in getting involved in someone else’s marital problems but I told my best friend about this and she strongly thought I needed to tell my bro.

AIBU to keep this info to myself?

I think that’s a huge betrayal from your SIL to him, a huge lie and divorce worthy.

If he wants a family and she really doesn’t (does she? In the future?) then he deserves to know but it has to come from her. Can you have an honest chat with her?

I think if you feel strongly he needs to know then say to his wife she needs to tell him or you will. Although I think in reality I’d keep out of it .

Ugh your poor brother. I would tell my brother but I don't think it's an easy choice. Awful!

I would speak to her and tell her that you are concerned that she is lying to your brother.

He's your brother. You do need to tell him so he can make fully informed life choices. How cruel!

I would tell her that I wasn't prepared to keep that secret and that I would tell my brother.

I think you can say “are you OK with that? It doesn’t sound like she’s really bothered about having kids if she doesn’t want to have any investigations.”

That's an awful betrayal. I'd be telling her that you love your DB and she can't expect you to keep such an awful secret. Give her the choice of telling him herself first, or you'll do it for her.

To give her an enormous benefit of the doubt, does she know you know everything? I’m wondering if she’s trying to put a brave face on struggling to conceive.

But assuming that’s not the case - yes I agree you should tell your brother.

I think it’s a really easy choice. Huge betrayal. OP must tell her brother.

What sister are you? You're literally choosing your SIL over your own brother. Awful.

Her body, her choice. Keep your knowledge to yourself OP.

I’d be telling my sil that she is lying to my brother and that she either tells him or I do.

not a secret I’d be willing to keep from my sibling.

That is a wicked betrayal of the man she is supposed to love. I've been through years of infertility and it hurts like hell, every month...and she's doing it to him on purpose?! Unbelievably cruel.

Oh, for goodness' sake.

Don't keep it to yourself, OP. It's the ultimate betrayal and he should know. She wouldn't have told you if she didn't want you to tell him. She's just a coward.

I think it's an obvious answer. Morally he is the wronged party as she is lying to him, and also your first loyalty should be too your brother rather than your sil. Unless you're worried he won't believe you?

What did you say to her when she told you?

Yes its her choice but she needs to be responsible and tell him that shes doing it! Its almost like tricking him into staying married to her, if he wants kids desperately if she doesnt then she needs to woman up and be honest and face the consequences if he doesnt want to stay.

OP, you shouldn't have told your friend - that's outrageous.
And you shouldn't tell your brother either. This is absolutely nothing to do with you - keep out of it.

Imagine he finds out that you knew!

would that harm your relationship? Would you regret not telling him?

She dumped an awful secret on you without giving you a choice. Talk to her and let her know you are extremely uncomfortable with knowing that she’s deceiving your brother. If your brother finds out years down the line when there’s still no baby he will have a hard time forgiving you

It’s your brother, ride or die! You tell her she tells him or you do! This is a massive betrayal

But the Sil didn't keep it to herself did she? She joked about it to OP - as if its funny ffs! If she wanted to keep her nasty deceitful behaviour secret she should have kept her gob shut.

OP repeat the conversation to your brother.

100% was just going to say exact same.

This way at least you give the wife the opportunity to respond and then you can set an ultimatum by which time you will tell your brother because she’s now put you in a compromising situation. He is blood and this is no ordinary secret. What if he finds out somehow later but by then he’s in his 50s and a good chance his opportunity to have kids is forever gone?

I agree with the vast majority OP. Speak to your SIL, tell her you've been thinking about what she told you, and you think she is being extremely unfair on your brother. Tell her that if she has decided she doesn't want children, or doesn't want them yet, then she needs to tell him, and if she won't you will.