To tell my bro his wife is secretly preventing pregnancy?

[MyameVyce]

About 2 years ago my bro told me he’s trying for a baby with his wife. He was really excited and was hoping it would happen quickly for them because he can’t wait to be a dad. With it being a personal sensitive topic I would not ask further updates, but he’s made a few rueful comments about how it isn’t happening. He mentioned that his wife had said she doesn’t want fertility investigations or treatments and if it doesn’t happen naturally she’d be ok with that.

Problem is that SIL made a weird kind of confession to me where she basically told me she’s on contraception and my bro doesn’t know. Conversation was bizarre. She giggled and saying “ssshhhh” don’t tell him.

I have no interest in getting involved in someone else’s marital problems but I told my best friend about this and she strongly thought I needed to tell my bro.

AIBU to keep this info to myself?

Whilst I agree with you about her body etc, lying and deceiving your husband is totally unforgivable! If you don’t want kids then that needs to be an honest conversation. Can you imagine the other way around and her losing the opportunity to have children because of his deception! It’s unforgivable.

I think you have to tell him. I’d worry that she’d deny it and it would end up damaging your relationship with him. But it’s an absolutely despicable thing to do to someone and I couldn’t sit back and see my sibling treated like that. Would you tell
him if she’d confessed an infidelity?

Honestly- I wonder if she's told you so you'd tell him and she wouldn't have to. Whatever she says i wouldn't trust her she's proven a liar. This is a huge betrayal for your brother. I would tell him. Sounds like she wants out of the marriage but is too chicken shit to do it herself. I can't imagine why else she would have disclosed this to you. She's also knowingly put you in a shitty situation and is intentionally causing conflict. She's a nasty piece of work.

This, she either needs to tell him or you do.

Very unfair of her.

I don't really believe this happened.

Of course you need to tell your brother! But give her a chance to tell him first. Did she really expect you to keep this to yourself?

I’d tell my brother, I would tell SIL I’ll be telling my brother to give her a chance to do it first.

I don’t know what your brother is like but mine worships the ground his wife walks on (deservedly in his case, she’s lovely), he’d be heartbroken over something like this. It’s just not ok to lie to someone like this.

My loyalty would be with my brother. He's wasting his life with a liar. I'd tell him without a shadow of a doubt.

I might give her chance to come clean first, tell her if she doesn't tell him by X date then you will.

But either way, there's not a chance I'd sit on the knowledge of this type of betrayal. Especially not when I know first hand how soul destroying it can be to desperately want a baby and for it not to be happening.

Bros before hoes.
Tell him.

What an awful person your SIL is, I would tell her either she tells him or you will. He deserves to know. This isn’t some small thing what she is preventing its life changing.
How old are they?

I agree. Speak to SIL and say she must talk to her DH about it or you will. Set up a meeting with your brother in advance to give her a date to do it by. I can see why some would say keep out of it but she's stringing your brother on. If she doesn't want kids that's fine but she needs to be honest with him so he can make his choice.

Well yes of course it’s ’her choice’ whether she has a child or not. Nobody would dispute that.

However…she’s actively deceiving her husband, by pretending to no longer be on birth control, pretending she wants a child with him and pretending that she’s on board with ‘their’ decision.

This is not a simple ‘her body, her choice’ matter…she’s denying her husband the chance to be a father and HE HAS NO IDEA!

She needs to tell him, so that he can make an informed decision about whether or not he stays married to her…and be childless…or end the relationship, with the hope to try again with someone else.

The SIL isn’t wrong to not want children…but she is very wrong, cruel in fact, to lie about it.

My first thought is that I’d tell her that she has to tell him or you will. But, as manipulating and deceptive as she is, I’d be concerned that she’d say something like she was only joking or similar to cover herself. For that reason I’d tell him yourself.

I'd tell him!

Of course you should tell him. She’s made her choice and now he’s allowed the opportunity to decide how he responds to that choice.

I’d tell my brother in a heartbeat. I’d have told him as soon as she said it to me.

it’s a horrid thing to do!

She shouldn't have told you. It's not up to you to keep her secret. Tell your brother if you want to. But beware it might be a case of shoot the messenger.

I think I'd tell him too. He's your family.

At some point she may tell him what she's been doing and that you knew.. I personally think you should tell him

It’s also his choice whether to remain with someone who doesn’t want kids.

if this were the other way round we’d be telling a woman to consider leaving a man who doesn’t want kids and find one who does.

her body, her choice. But with that she needs to give him the same courtesy of choice and tell him she doesn’t want children.

I asked her what she wanted me to do with that information and that’s when she said to keep it a secret and giggled. I said to her after that comment that she needed to tell him because he really wants to be a dad. Then her mum called so she picked up the phone and left pretty soon after

Nor do I.

His personal agency is being ripped from him!

He has a right to decide whether he wants to remain in a relationship with someone actively manipulating and deceiving him.

@tripleginandtonic would you say the same if SIL wanted kids and DB confessed he’d had a secret vasectomy, but wanted to deprive his wife of the chance to be a Mum by keeping her with him under false pretences?

This
Awful deceitful woman sil sounds