To tell a child-free friend not to bring a vegan meal to my BBQ?

[BBQDramaQueen]

Hosting a casual family BBQ next wknd, mostly neighbours, school mums, a few mates, nothing fancy. Got the usual sausages, burgers, chicken etc. One of my oldest friends (childfree, v into animal rights, been vegan since forever, v vocal about it) asked if she can bring her own food. I said yeah fine, no biggie.

DH now saying it’s actually rude of her and it’ll put ppl off eating their food if she’s sat there going on about lentil sausages and dead animals (his words not mine lol). He reckons if we’re hosting, she should just eat what’s provided or not come. I said she obviously can’t eat what’s provided and she wasn’t making a fuss, just asked. He thinks I should message and say no now.

Tbh she can be a bit preachy but I’d rather that than her not come. Also not sure why anyone else would care what she’s eating unless they’re being nosy? But now I’m wondering if I was too quick to say yes.

AIBU to let her bring her own food? Or is DH right that I should’ve said no and it’s a bit off to bring your own stuff to a BBQ if you don’t have allergies etc?

All of the above.

My God, of course you couldn’t expect her to eat what you’re having.
Are you so influenced by your husband that you really have to ask?

She'd be more than welcome to bring vegan food if it were me...although id be catering for her (as I too love vegan food). However, if she started preaching about her beliefs there, she'd be swiftly shown the door.

But wtf has her being children got anything to do with it?

I think your DH can't wait to dangle sausages in her face then when she makes a comment she's a crazy preachy vegan.
Tell him to grow up.

Each to their own, but I personally would not invite a vegan to a barbeque. It would be like inviting a crusading teetotaller to a cocktail party, just not appropriate.

Am trying to understand what the issue is. If it is simply that your DH doesn’t like that she is bringing vegan food because she is vegan but otherwise would be a perfectly pleasant guest then he’s being a right dick and you should be catering for her. A couple of vegan burgers or sausages, can be cooked separate or cooked in the oven and a salad is easy enough

If he doesn’t like that she is bringing vegan food AND she’s likely to have a go at all your meat eating guests then he has a point to an extent but her bringing vegan food isn’t the issue, her behaviour would be

Why is child-free relevant?

If you invite someone to your home who has a dietary restriction of course you should cater for the. What does your DH think she should eat at this event out of curiosity.

Clearly she shouldn't be talking about dead animals and the like at the event, that would be inappropriate.

Your DH clearly doesn't like your friend.

Your husband is an ass. Of course its fine for your friend to bring food. I fact as a decent host you should have vegan foods for ger cooked before meat stuff

This.

100% this. What a nasty prick he is.

Please LTB.

I love vegan food, so set up a separate barbie for us nice Mumsnetters and we'll hang out with your vegan mate whilst having a right laugh at how much of a wanker your STXH is.

AND we'll help you get your ducks in a row once the barbie is over, leaving twatface to clear up all the fatty, greasy, meaty mess.

You sound like you have no back bone and your DH sounds like a narrow minded awful person

If this is genuine then I would just tell her she’s not welcome (as she clearly isn’t) and find a new husband who isn’t a dickhead.

DH now saying it’s actually rude of her and it’ll put ppl off eating their food if she’s sat there going on about lentil sausages and dead animals (his words not mine lol)

Is what you said above likely? Because personally I'd have no problem with someone bringing their own food, but major problems if she views other guests as an audience to be "preached" at

For me that would be completely unacceptable at a social event, and while you might prefer her to come in spite of it I'd consider the likely feelings of the majority and not just me

It means she doesn't eat children or animals.

Bet he'd be apoplectic with rage if you went to her home and she only provided vegan food, ranting on about how it's disrespectful to his beliefs that she isn't providing a guest what he wants to eat.

Does he feel threatened by her usually because she doesn't agree with him on everything and puts your feelings and needs as a friend above him, by any chance?

People can be so weird, she is a guest and therefore you should be providing her vegan food never mind her bringing her own

You should be providing her with vegan food as you're the host.

I was going to say her husband’s a knob but same difference.

Your husband is wilfully ignorant, such a turn off in an adult (I’m not vegan or vegetarian).

Tell him to engage his brain and stop being an arse (or dick or knob).

You should tell your DH that fixating on what another adult puts into their mouth is not a good look.

Controlling AF.

You should provide vegan meal for her!

You should be catering for her as with any dietary needs. Would you expect a Muslim friend to eat your sausages? I do hope not!
I wonder what reaction she's had before from you/DH that she feels obliged to bring her own to make sure she can eat...

It really depends on whether you were going to provide some vegan food/dishes for her? It you were going to do that then I think it's reasonable to say to her, actually we've catered for you so you don't need to bring your own food. If however your DH is expecting her to eat meat/fish/dairy then it's very reasonable for her to bring her own. Just in the same way as it you were catering for people who don't eat beef or pork for religious reasons you wouldn't make them eat it, you would be polite and cater for them. That doesn't mean everyone else can't eat meat etc but you should make an effort to cater for all guests. Seems like she's being thoughtful and saving you the bother.

This.
You both sound awful and like you don't actually like her at all.

Would your husband feel the same if a recovering alcoholic brought zero alcohol beer to the bbq? Or a parent brought gluten free burger buns for their child so they could be part of the fun and not feel left out?

What has her being child free got to do with anything? Also, it’s good manners to cater for ALL your guests, so I’m assuming your dickhead husband is suggesting you get some vegan food in for your friend, not that you expect her not to eat anything from your meat filled bbq?