To tell a child-free friend not to bring a vegan meal to my BBQ?

[BBQDramaQueen]

Hosting a casual family BBQ next wknd, mostly neighbours, school mums, a few mates, nothing fancy. Got the usual sausages, burgers, chicken etc. One of my oldest friends (childfree, v into animal rights, been vegan since forever, v vocal about it) asked if she can bring her own food. I said yeah fine, no biggie.

DH now saying it’s actually rude of her and it’ll put ppl off eating their food if she’s sat there going on about lentil sausages and dead animals (his words not mine lol). He reckons if we’re hosting, she should just eat what’s provided or not come. I said she obviously can’t eat what’s provided and she wasn’t making a fuss, just asked. He thinks I should message and say no now.

Tbh she can be a bit preachy but I’d rather that than her not come. Also not sure why anyone else would care what she’s eating unless they’re being nosy? But now I’m wondering if I was too quick to say yes.

AIBU to let her bring her own food? Or is DH right that I should’ve said no and it’s a bit off to bring your own stuff to a BBQ if you don’t have allergies etc?

So you don't engage with anyone...

Veganism might be protected by the equality act but it doesn't apply to domestic get togethers such as these so not sure why you are quoting the equality act. In fact, not all restaurants cater for vegans or can guarantee no cross contamination. No problem with people being different to myself, but I do have a problem with "preachy" people whether it's those trying to convert people's religions or those who try to convert peoples food choices. It's up to the OP if she wants to cater for her friend, but if she knows the friend is a "preachy" person not sure why she'd invite her in the first instance. I'd say the same about anybody who could attend an event and potentially make guests feel uncomfortable in any respect.

I find it strange that OP couldn't just tell her friend that she'd get a few vegan bits for her friend instead of agreeing to her friend bringing her own food to the bbq. On the other hand it could be that the OP couldn't guarantee no cross contamination or the friend didn't feel confident that OP could provide her with food that hasn't been cross contaminated.

Obviously I am not a mind reader, so I don't really know why OP mentioned about her friend being childless. I don't feel that it'll be fair on OP for us to assume or be judgemental. It could be that OP felt the need to say this to let readers know that the friend isn't bringing her own food to satisfy a child's dietary requirement. Who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️.

I hope all these people who are advocating for the OP to make seperate vegan food and who are fighting for her friend's right under the equality act would also make sure they will make a fully nut free cake and nut free party food which they can guarantee hasn't been cross contaminated, for any of their own invitees with nut allergies. If you have children and have hosted childrens parties , think back , have you ever fully catered for a child with allergies or intolerances? If you have, thrn kudos to you. I have been to many a children's parties, the children with allergies never get catered for. They never get to have a slice of the birthday cake. Off you go with Haribo. The equality act ends where convenience begins.

Unfortunately, as many vegans here attest, it’s usually non vegans who launch into a diatribe, mindlessly buying into stereotypes, demanding explanations for dietary choices, then when you do explain that’s suddenly the vegan being opinionated and mouthing off.

Oh the irony!

Your husband sounds like a dreadful horrible man.

Same here why is this relevant in the slightest? Some underlying issue here.....?

I'm confused about how you don't realise your husband is a nasty piece of shit.

It's the same bloody thing as in real life tho'. Non vegans/ non vegetarians are being accused on here of being preachy/dogmatic/spoilsports.

Actual vegans/vegetarians challenging that as a myth and then posters like you going "ah gotcha, you're preaching at us poor put upon meat-eaters"

Just to expand a little: what does he want out of this?

A) to feel superior and still "let" her come and eat something that doesn't affect him because his choice is "better" than hers
B) to push you into an awkward conversation where you tell her that either
(1) she can't come anymore
(2) she can't eat at your house
(3) she can come but only if she eats food that he approves of.

So what's his end game? All options equal prick.

Your DH thinks she’s being rude to not eat the food he provides, when he hasn’t catered for her diet?!

😅

I would have catered for her. Unless she’s a preachy vegan and then I’d not have invited her to begin with.

separately your husband is awful.

I have serious food allergies and always offer to bring my own food. My friends aren’t terrible people however so always consider me and have a menu that works. Maybe everyone here could be kinder and it would be a non issue.

You can't expect a vegan to eat 😂😂sausages. Dont see what the big deal is.....if she starts preaching and making ppl feel uncomfortable though ...well then that's a different matter.

You are inviting your friend over for a meal and preparing food you know she cannot eat. It isn't your friend who is rude.

is your husband a bit of an arsehole generally?

@DorothyStorm the barbecue was in July. 🙄

That‘s so odd. It was on trending threads yesterday.

I think that it's great that she's bringing her own veggie meal.
But the preaching would get on my wick.
My sister has a friend (m) who loves to lecture..and regularly gets told to fuck off