To tell a child-free friend not to bring a vegan meal to my BBQ?

[BBQDramaQueen]

Hosting a casual family BBQ next wknd, mostly neighbours, school mums, a few mates, nothing fancy. Got the usual sausages, burgers, chicken etc. One of my oldest friends (childfree, v into animal rights, been vegan since forever, v vocal about it) asked if she can bring her own food. I said yeah fine, no biggie.

DH now saying it’s actually rude of her and it’ll put ppl off eating their food if she’s sat there going on about lentil sausages and dead animals (his words not mine lol). He reckons if we’re hosting, she should just eat what’s provided or not come. I said she obviously can’t eat what’s provided and she wasn’t making a fuss, just asked. He thinks I should message and say no now.

Tbh she can be a bit preachy but I’d rather that than her not come. Also not sure why anyone else would care what she’s eating unless they’re being nosy? But now I’m wondering if I was too quick to say yes.

AIBU to let her bring her own food? Or is DH right that I should’ve said no and it’s a bit off to bring your own stuff to a BBQ if you don’t have allergies etc?

Let your friend come and
Bring her own

Or follow your husband and loose a freind

Yep.
I’m starting to see the fake posts from a mile off now.
Bloody pathetic and sad if you ask me but hey ho, people will bite.

Your husband sounds like an arsehole.

Hosts should try to cater to known dietary needs, that she tried to take that off your plate is nice of her.

Why mention that she's childfree?

Lentil sausages?

Maybe mentioning twice in the OP that friend is child free is to let us know that due to being vegan she didn’t eat her young.

Your dh is an idiot. Your friend is not unreasonable to want to bring her own food, eat her own food, and not eat what is provided. Is he normally a bullying knob?

I assume that if your friend tries to turn a family event into some sort of lobby for veganism, she will quietly & politely be asked to leave. I think the fact she checked with you first suggests she is not so ill mannered.

Your DH is being unreasonable. Whilst it would be pretty rude to pitch up and lecture the guests, if you can’t take hearing about meat being dead animals that are probably kept in miserable conditions and then killed, don’t eat it.

A child free vegan!! What will the neighbours say?

@BBQDramaQueen she sounds like a lovely vegan! OMG if only all vegans offered to bring their own food - that would be so helpful!!

It's quite normal for picky eaters to bring their own stuff.

But if you have a vegan attending, then you should make sure you also have vegan food available. I'd tell her to bring her own "burger" equivalent, then make sure you have plenty of vegan salad options.

"Tbh she can be a bit preachy"
That is the only relevant part of your OP, in which case I would just ask her not to preach to the rest of your meat-eating guests at your BBQ because that would be very rude of her.

Is it her preachiness that your husband actually objects to, rather than her 'bringing her own food'? That her bringing her own food gives her a platform to preach from? Has she pissed him off in the past because she preached to him just a bit too much?

Yes to all of this.

Were you already planning on providing vegan food for her when you invited her?
Of course it's fine for her to bring her own food!

I'm rather puzzled as to why you would invite a "sometime preachy" vegan to a meat BBQ though!!!

Let your friend eat whatever she wants. Put your DH on the BBQ.

DH now saying it’s actually rude of her and it’ll put ppl off eating their food if she’s sat there going on about lentil sausages and dead animals (his words not mine lol).

Never heard such bs about eating food at a bbq in my whole life. Your husband is stupid. All the poor woman did was ask if she can bring her food. Your answer op should have been absolutely not.. tell me what you eat and ill get it for you. You and your husband are a right pair!

Has your dh always disliked her?
She sounds very reasonable actually, knowing that barbecue generally means stuff she can't eat, she'll bring stuff she can and save you the headache. Your dh is a bit lot of a bellend for having an issue with that.

Are you allowed to disagree with him @BBQDramaQueen or does this go much deeper than the vegan at a meat feast issue?

What is your husband thinking? I actually can’t get it!

This is awful.
you should be providing some food for her. It’s not hard to grill some veg fist, a pack of veggie sausages. Loads of bread is vegan anyway. A good host doesn’t exclude friends.

if your friend is bringing her own food then it is wild to try to force her to eat meat! Your husband is vile. It’s not exactly a really rare point of view that killing sentient beings to eat is not ideal is it.

I’d not invite her. She clearly isn’t welcome so do her a favour and let her spend time with people who like her. Vegans that go on about if can be mildly annoying but if she’s coming to a bbq she’s presumably not stupid and knows they’ll be lots of meat so doesn’t have an issue.

Your DH is being an arse. What vegan options were you planning to provide for her? Or weren’t you planning to cater for all of your guests? In which case would you prefer she goes without?

if she wangs on about veganism while people are enjoying their food I would tell her to can it.

Your DH does not really understand what "hosting" means. If you invite someone to eat at your home you try to provide food they will enjoy. It's also customary to bring a food contribution to a bbq and isn't a judgement on the hosts' catering. I have had friends on quite restricted diets bring their own food to a party and was just glad of their company.

Wtf does her not having kids have to do with anything?

TBF if she is as serious about her veganism as she sounds then she might be reluctant to eat the food provided by the hosts in case of cross contamination. For example, she might not want her vegan sausage, or whatever,cooked on the same grill as the meat.

I would have no problem providing vegan alternatives or letting her bring her own.

What I would have a problem with was if she got preachy to other guests and would try to shut that down if it happened. After all, it's a BBQ. She must be expecting to be surrounded by people eating meat .

Another vote for your husband being a dick l’m afraid, sorry. She’s vegan and unless you provide the food for her and cook it separately she won’t be able to eat anything. So bringing her own is far from rude - she’s actually doing you a favour. I’d shut down any preaching about dead animals or the like - a barbecue is the last place for that and to that end l agree with your DH that it may put people off, so l’d be sorting that beforehand. Can l ask why you weren’t offering a vegan option for her ? Did she offer to bring her own food immediately on you inviting her ? I guess what l’m getting at is whether your DH objected to catering for her because it sounds as though he doesn’t like her very much.

How are you going to word not letting her bring her own food?

And this. Your husband is an arsehole. You're both actually bad hosts for not catering for the guests you invite. Do you even want her there? Because it doesn't sound like it.