To tell a child-free friend not to bring a vegan meal to my BBQ?

[BBQDramaQueen]

Hosting a casual family BBQ next wknd, mostly neighbours, school mums, a few mates, nothing fancy. Got the usual sausages, burgers, chicken etc. One of my oldest friends (childfree, v into animal rights, been vegan since forever, v vocal about it) asked if she can bring her own food. I said yeah fine, no biggie.

DH now saying it’s actually rude of her and it’ll put ppl off eating their food if she’s sat there going on about lentil sausages and dead animals (his words not mine lol). He reckons if we’re hosting, she should just eat what’s provided or not come. I said she obviously can’t eat what’s provided and she wasn’t making a fuss, just asked. He thinks I should message and say no now.

Tbh she can be a bit preachy but I’d rather that than her not come. Also not sure why anyone else would care what she’s eating unless they’re being nosy? But now I’m wondering if I was too quick to say yes.

AIBU to let her bring her own food? Or is DH right that I should’ve said no and it’s a bit off to bring your own stuff to a BBQ if you don’t have allergies etc?

I think your dh is being a dick. She doesn't eat meat and has suggested bringing her own food so as not to inconvenience you. If he's so offended by her bringing her own food, then offer to make her a vegan friendly dish.

The preaching is another matter. I'd politely ask her to refrain from preaching at a get together you're hosting. You understand her views and that she's passionate about it, but your other guests are meat eaters and you don't want a bad atmosphere.

And yes, as a PP says, if you're hosting then you should be providing food she can eat.

tbh if I invite someone to a barbecue I accommodate their dietary requirements… you can get vegan food everywhere now it’s not expensive.

Your dh sounds like a bit of an arse, and he doesn’t want her there so finding a reason to end the friendship… because if you invited me to a food event, didn’t provide food and banned me from bringing my own then I would definitely not bother with you again

Its fine for her to bring her own food. Its poor hosting to not provide food for all your guests tbh.

It would not be fine for her to berate others at the bbq.

Do you think she would? Does she have a history of doing that?

If not, your husband is a dick.
If yes then dont invite her 🤷‍♀️

I don't eat meat, haven't done for about 40 years, don't expect any fancy treatment. Happy with salad,veg, roll. People used to say I was really difficult and fussy. I would be happy with a lump of cheese and bread. I don't eat vegan artificial crap, I had to have a number of abdo surgery pre veggie, and there's lots of things I can't eat. I don't have any issues with other people eating meat, but I certainly cater for all my guests. The vegan would get veg and salad.

Your DH is a dick. So you only hang around people who have the same views as your DH. What if one of your children become vegan? Will you disown them.

Give her some food she can eat, for god's sake!

I'm a vegetarian and always offer to bring my own pack of sausages or burgers as a courtesy, so that the host doesn't have to buy food especially for me. It's a very strange take to think it's rude. Most people actually tell me not to worry about it and say they are planning on shopping to include me anyway.

Your husband is a rude asshole.

She has dietary requirements that don't allow her to eat what he is cooking.

He's being a poor host not providing a vegan option when he knows at least one of the guests is vegan. Good hosts provide meals their guests will eat, not expect the guests to change their dietary requirements to go along with his plan.

Is he just trying to exclude her because he doesn't like child free vegans? Because why would you bring up child free?

The vegan would get veg and salad.

Urrggh!

I can't imagine treating a friend like a child and deciding what (absolutely poor) offering they should eat, rather than asking them what they'd like.

Is it really about her eating lentil sausages or about her preaching while people are trying to enjoy their pork sausages? Lots of meat eaters try and eat more veggie - I would say she doesn't need to bring anything as you'll be supplying them and can she though be mindful of not talking about meat when others are eating.

I would say this but a vegan would not want their food cooked on a bbq where meat has been cooked on. I would have no problem them bringing their own food at all.

This is ridiculous. Did your husband actually say 'she should eat what we provide?'. What possibly reason can he take exception to it? Aside from the very stupid argument that it would put other people of their food. Has he always been a selfish idiot?

You should tell your husband he's completely unreasonable and you don't want to hear such utter shite again, and then thank your friend kindly for bringing her own food.

Your husband can just sit inside and sulk with all his sausages.

Can’t edit my post but I’d ban her from preaching as that’s also not acceptable… and remember to cook her food first or have a separate grill or all hell will break loose!

Will you have a separate section of the bbq where no meat is being cooked? If not there wouldn't be any point in bringing her own food if nowhere meat free to cook it. I'd be surprised if she was the only vegan or vegetarian coming. At bbqs I've been to the hosts have supplied veggie food on a separate bbq for several people.

Simple

Disposable BBQs are very cheap.

YABVU. She's offering to bring her own food and not expecting you to provide her with anything, which you should btw if you are hosting.

Your husband sounds like a stroppy child and you don't sound like a very good friend either for considering what he's saying.
What on earth has her being child free got to do with anything?

Bringing her own food is fine. I suspect your dh might not like your friend.

Sanctimonious preaching about veganism to people who are eating meat is at best annoying at worst downright rude. Not my idea of a fun party.

Your DH is being an idiot. The two choices are either - you provide a fully vegan option or she brings her own food. Clearly it’s easier for her to bring own food.

Yep not sure why her being child free is relevant or is she a pity invite for that reason?

YOUR DH IS A DICK.

I agree with the first comment your DH is a dick.

ive never felt bad for eating meat in front of vegans or vegetarians, they have their life choices I have mine.

Mist vegan/vegetarians I know prefer to bring their own food due to cross contamination.

Also agree don’t know why child free is in the post.

Finally if she’s preaching too much tell her but as long as she’s not causing upset I’d let her get on with it.

You know she was vegan yet you invited her to a BBQ! Had you intended to cook vegan food for her?

Your h is being rude and an arse. You obviously can’t make her eat meat!

Mind you, fair play to the OP.

It's been ages since we've had a vegan bashing thread on MN.

They used to come along like buses 🚌🚌🚌