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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell a child-free friend not to bring a vegan meal to my BBQ?

515 replies

BBQDramaQueen · 13/07/2025 11:59

Hosting a casual family BBQ next wknd, mostly neighbours, school mums, a few mates, nothing fancy. Got the usual sausages, burgers, chicken etc. One of my oldest friends (childfree, v into animal rights, been vegan since forever, v vocal about it) asked if she can bring her own food. I said yeah fine, no biggie.

DH now saying it’s actually rude of her and it’ll put ppl off eating their food if she’s sat there going on about lentil sausages and dead animals (his words not mine lol). He reckons if we’re hosting, she should just eat what’s provided or not come. I said she obviously can’t eat what’s provided and she wasn’t making a fuss, just asked. He thinks I should message and say no now.

Tbh she can be a bit preachy but I’d rather that than her not come. Also not sure why anyone else would care what she’s eating unless they’re being nosy? But now I’m wondering if I was too quick to say yes.

AIBU to let her bring her own food? Or is DH right that I should’ve said no and it’s a bit off to bring your own stuff to a BBQ if you don’t have allergies etc?

OP posts:
CatloverNY · 13/07/2025 16:11

Your husband is unreasonable.
Whats wrong with her bringing her own food ? She shouldn’t be excluded just because she doesn’t eat meat.
Gosh your husband seems uptight !

Cynic17 · 13/07/2025 16:12

What on earth has being childfree got to do with it?!

vickylou78 · 13/07/2025 16:13

Agree with others your friend is being lovely. Your DH is a knob.

DrowningInSyrup · 13/07/2025 16:16

I assume OP has disappeared, because she is off buying delicious vegan food for her friends and an I'm with cuntychops tshirt for herself.

Namechangefordaughterevasion · 13/07/2025 16:17

Your friend sounds great. She's easy going and open to compromise. Your DH sounds controlling and rigid.

BunnyRuddington · 13/07/2025 16:18

Have you invited the same friend to a BBQ this year?

I can remember an almost identical thread about a preachy, single, vegan being invited to a BBQ last summer.

Cherrytree86 · 13/07/2025 16:19

P0d · 13/07/2025 16:09

How weird

Show quote history

@TheDevilYouKnown

why on earth wouldn’t you be friends with a vegan?

Aitchemarsey · 13/07/2025 16:21

BunnyRuddington · 13/07/2025 16:18

Have you invited the same friend to a BBQ this year?

I can remember an almost identical thread about a preachy, single, vegan being invited to a BBQ last summer.

Edited

17 pages of replies on what is clearly a wind up post 😂

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 13/07/2025 16:22

Surely the question is why would any9ne want to be friends with @TheDevilYouKnown

AngryBookworm · 13/07/2025 16:22

Leaving aside the obvious bait in you calling her childfree (would you let her bring her own food if she had a child?) ... If she's your oldest friend you knew she was vegan and vocal about it. You invited her in that knowledge - the least you can do is let her bring her own food. It sounds like your DH is hoping she'll turn up, find there's no vegan food, and just decide to give up being vegan and having views on animal rights for the evening? Just let her come along and if she gets annoying, tell her (or let others do so).You'd effectively be uninviting her, which is the height of rudeness. YABU (or YHIBU).

Everythingisokay · 13/07/2025 16:26

x2boys · 13/07/2025 16:00

The Op.said her friend was very vocal about being a vegan
Which would put me off.

Show quote history

But she might be vocal in private.
I doubt she would show up at a BBQ and start lecturing everyone about eating meat.

esem · 13/07/2025 16:27

it can be a pain providing different food for one person when you are trying to entertain many

Mumtobabyhavoc · 13/07/2025 16:30

I'm in Vancouver, Canada and it really wouldn't be a big deal. I'd have salads/fruit/veggie platters for the bbq anyway and would likely buy veggie burgers / hot dogs if I knew I'd have a guest who preferred them. I wouldn't think twice about it. It's a bit shocking to read about it being an issue over the pond.

Coconutter24 · 13/07/2025 16:30

esem · 13/07/2025 16:27

it can be a pain providing different food for one person when you are trying to entertain many

It’s not much effort though is it, you chuck there sausage or burger on one end of grill and cook it whilst doing all the meat items. Literally not a pain at all, why should the child free guest go without food 😐

TennisLady · 13/07/2025 16:36

WTF has her not having children got anything to do with this?!

CharlieEffie · 13/07/2025 16:38

Shes not asking you to provide her food. To be fair i dont even know why she asked if she could bring her own food. Your husband is a dick

TerrysCIockworkOrange · 13/07/2025 16:41

Ah, another ChatGPT rage baiting AIBU. Try harder OP

savethatkitty · 13/07/2025 16:45

Of course she should bring her own food!

What if someone has a food allergy? Should they just eat whatever is provided? Of course not.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 13/07/2025 16:49

TheGriffle · 13/07/2025 12:01

Also as a host you should be proving food everyone can eat, she shouldn’t have to bring her own.

Quite!

DiscoBob · 13/07/2025 16:50

maudelovesharold · 13/07/2025 12:21

Most people who are vegetarian/vegan and offer to bring their own food to a bbq etc. do it, not to be ‘rude’. but because they think it might make life easier for the hosts.
Also, it’s almost like you think her being child-free is why she’s able to indulge her little eccentricities. You can have children and also be vegan, in case you hadn’t realised. Who knew?! Hmm

Quite. Wtf has being child free got to do with food preferences? Absolutely bizarre to include that in the post. Like saying 'blonde haired friend with annoying diet...person who wears glasses with an annoying diet..etc'. totally irrelevant unless you think choosing not to/being medically unable to give birth and veganism both make someone an arsehole?!

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 13/07/2025 16:51

arethereanyleftatall · 13/07/2025 12:04

I cannot believe your thread isn’t about how awful your husband is!

This!

Kingsleadhat · 13/07/2025 16:55

beesandstrawberries · 13/07/2025 12:56

I’m vegan myself. She’s not expecting you to accommodate her by asking you provide her food which is kind of her but it shouldn’t be like that. You know she’s vegan, you’re providing food for everyone else so it’s not hard to get some vegan burgers or sausages. Birds Eye do cheap vegan burgers or beyond, this isn’t even Tesco own brand. I don’t see how you can accommodate everyone else but not her? She’s ensuring people don’t go out of the way for her yet you’re literally making it an issue that she shouldn’t have vegan food and go hungry??? Your husband is projecting his thoughts about vegans onto someone who’s doing nothing wrong and not forcing you to buy her food or anything. You’re weird.

in my experience as a vegan, we have a lot of people comment on our food saying ‘it looks disgusting’, ‘how can you eat rabbit food’. Then make the entire conversation about being vegan like ‘why are you vegan’, ‘no wonder you’re skinny’, ‘you’re not getting the nutrients’, ‘do you not miss bacon’. Then when we retaliate by replying to comments that other people bring up, suddenly WE are preachy???? Most of us mind our business and people are just commenting on us and make us being vegan a big issue. So I think you’re likely confusing her being preachy as her replying to comments made to her

This has also been my experience. People notice I'm vegan and go on the attack. It's weird . I was at a party once and the waitress asked who'd ordered vegan - I stuck my hand up. The man sitting next to (I'd never met him before) turned to me and said "I fucking hate vegans". I told him I fucking hated corpse crunchers but I'll only ever make a comment about other people's eating habits if they start it

JustSawJohnny · 13/07/2025 16:57

DreamyRedNewt · 13/07/2025 15:02

I find the concept of inviting a vegan to a BBQ strange, I wouldn't do it. Mainly because if I was a vegan and saw meat as dead animals, obviously I wouldn't want to go to a party based all in that type of food. I've got vegan friends and if I invite them to mine, I only serve vegan food, I wouldn't be serving meat (even if only for my DH, DD and I).

Also curious, as well as others to know what has being child free got to do with anything?

I was a vegetarian then vegan for 15 years (20 years ago when there were very few of us) and it really doesn't stop you wanting to socialise at all.

Do you really think vegans are going to avoid BBQ's, buffets and Xmas dinner because there is meat there?!

If a vegetarian/vegan said they couldn't walk through a supermarket because there were 'dead animals' on display, you'd say they were being pathetic, and rightly so, but now you're suggesting they shouldn't want to meet up with friends if meat will be present?!

Make it make sense.

Carnation25 · 13/07/2025 16:58

TheGriffle · 13/07/2025 12:01

Also as a host you should be proving food everyone can eat, she shouldn’t have to bring her own.

This. And agree tour husband is a dick.

ThisCantBeRightCanIt · 13/07/2025 17:00

Your husband is being ridiculous. Me and dh are veggies and always bring our own food to bbqs unless there is a large amount of veggies and we know we will be catered for. We do this so the host isn't stressed about what they pick and we can choose something that is actaully tasty. Works out well. Not sure why others guests would care!? The preaching I would find annoying maybe that's the real issue.