To tell a child-free friend not to bring a vegan meal to my BBQ?

[BBQDramaQueen]

Hosting a casual family BBQ next wknd, mostly neighbours, school mums, a few mates, nothing fancy. Got the usual sausages, burgers, chicken etc. One of my oldest friends (childfree, v into animal rights, been vegan since forever, v vocal about it) asked if she can bring her own food. I said yeah fine, no biggie.

DH now saying it’s actually rude of her and it’ll put ppl off eating their food if she’s sat there going on about lentil sausages and dead animals (his words not mine lol). He reckons if we’re hosting, she should just eat what’s provided or not come. I said she obviously can’t eat what’s provided and she wasn’t making a fuss, just asked. He thinks I should message and say no now.

Tbh she can be a bit preachy but I’d rather that than her not come. Also not sure why anyone else would care what she’s eating unless they’re being nosy? But now I’m wondering if I was too quick to say yes.

AIBU to let her bring her own food? Or is DH right that I should’ve said no and it’s a bit off to bring your own stuff to a BBQ if you don’t have allergies etc?

Your dh is a really bad host. A good host would at least attempt to provide a vegan option of they'd invited someone who they know is vegan.

I think that the issue isn't the food, it's that he doesn't like her.

Bringing her own vegan food - fine. Although if your friend is as strict as you say the food will have to be cooked seperately to the meat products either before the meat is cooked for everyone else or on another bbq completely that is just used for her food due to cross contamination.

Any comments or preaching about the food everyone else is eating/is being cooked - absolutely NOT fine.

You say you don't mind her being preachy, etc., what about your husband and other guests? It will spoil the atmosphere for them. I can see your husband's point of view and agree with him on this point and to a degree on the faff regarding the first.

If you are happy to cook her food in the oven/grill and leave the bbq for the meat products and your friend keeps her opinions to herself then no problem.

What has child-free got to do with it?

It's a poor host who doesn't cater for all their guests. That besides I can't see the issue with her bringing her own food otherwise what would she eat if you're not going to cater for her ? Maybe your husband is worried that other guests will perceive you as crap hosts if she has to bring her own food.

Erm - what makes you think 'friend' is bringing stuff to be barbecued? As likely she'll be bringing chunky salads, humus, crusty bread etc.

Is it a bring and share bbq? If not, you should be catering food that she can also eat otherwise poor hosting on your part.

Your husband is a dick. Is he usually this controlling? I would up uninvited him to your life until he could muster up some kind of resemblance to a reasonable human.

Not sure it’s relevant she’s child free
as a host you should be providing food

So you know she's preachy and you still want her to come .?
Aren't you bothered that your friends will be a captive audience and have to listen to droning and preaching about veganism ,?
I'm sure they'll love it..lol

well they wont be will they - if they bring their own

How is she going to cook it without it touching the meat? And definitely, if she is going to be preachy, then tell her not to come. Otherwise, no reason she should not bring her food.

Might not need cooking or maybe the oven?

Mind blown. Your husband is clearly 12 years old and has zero manners.

You should be providing vegan food for her at the bbq. Hosting 101.

Suspect you're well suited as a couple given how much of a song and dance you're making of her child free status which has fuck all to do with bbqs/mest/vegan diets.

Very true.

Mine too.

I'm searching for the correlation between childfree and lentil sausages 👀.

Anyhoo, you and your husband make an equally ridiculous pair. And I have never met a vegan that could put me off a good sausage ✋🏾

Yep people have this unfathomably weird reaction to veganism. In my experOnce it’s always the meat eaters who set about mouthing off. Look at all the twats who go on vegan recipe pages posting pictures of dead pigs saying Mmmm bacon.

Surely if you invite someone for a meal you provide food for them? It’s not hard to buy a vegan protein and to make a couple of the salads/sides vegan.
As to what being child free has to do with this?!?!?!

That's ridiculous 😂 she's bringing her own food so you don't have to worry about catering to her, that's just polite. Bloody hell

Bet he wouldn't say that if it was his mates

If you were good hosts she wouldn't need to bring her own food. Your DH is a dick.

It's become the norm now for our HR department to issue polite reminders at office barbecues/ pizza nights/quiz nights etc that if you didn't mention when accepting the invitation that you wanted vegetarian or vegan could you please not take stuff your face with the vegan and vegetarian selection?

Exactly what I thought. Only one post from the op, vegan and child free to get everyone frothing, I’m surprised the op didn’t include a trans partner just to really get everyone going.

When my friend who is vegetarian comes to my house for food - I always make sure she was food she can eat provided! Feel that’s polite if she is invited

Your husband is being a right twat….. however she shouldn’t preach!

Do you really think you are a friend to her?

It's her choice what she eats.

Your DH is a DH and you're hardly the sharpest tool in the box if you're listening to the DH!

If anything, I actually think she’s being thoughtful by offering to bring her own food rather than expecting you to cater for her specific dietary needs. That’s considerate, not rude.

The only person being rude is your husband — it’s not like she’s demanding everyone eat vegan, just quietly sorting herself out. I don’t see why anyone else would be bothered unless they’re actively looking for something to be offended by.

As a host, it’s nice to be inclusive where you can, and honestly, it wouldn’t hurt to have a couple of decent veggie or vegan options anyway. It’s 2025 — people eat all sorts now, and making everyone feel welcome is kind of the point of a BBQ, isn’t it