Stormed out of family gathering am I the holiday wrecker

[stormedoutaibu]

DH and I are early 30s, DD is 2, on a family mini break away (staying in separate accommodation to in-laws who are DH parents sister along with naughty dog and aunties)
sister very anxious about dog and DD mixing (bit aggressive and unruly large frenchie about staffie sized so DH and I have to police very carefully) and has cried a few times about it today.
FIL rolled his eyes at me earlier for insisting my DH goes to grab DD beach shoes (I didn’t go as I’m 30’weeks pregnant in a heatwave)
MIL and FIL keep bickering

went to enjoy takeaway a their Airbnb. And my DD was sent away to dance in the lounge several rooms from where the adults were sat ‘to give the dog some peace’ and to ‘go and do it in the lounge cos of the dog’
i thought about it for 5 minutes or so and then left with my daughter as this offended me but I didn’t tell DH where I had gone but told MIL I was at a park within line of sight of the air bnb
they and my husband is acting like I’ve ruined everyone’s holiday and been the 4th reason that FIL has ever cried
all honesty I’ve had enough of the whole thing them bickering and the dog being priority over my toddler

She needs to get a grip though - just because someone feels something doesn’t mean it is reasonable, appropriate or right

Patronising and smug. Well done you 👏

Your thread title is misleading as it appears you think you are to blame, when you seem to have acted perfectly fine 🤔

Your H though appears to be a wet weekend and should be supporting you

I can't be doing with adults crying. Or a potentially dangerous dog being brought on holiday with a toddler. They are all fucking insane and I'd be noping out permanently.

One of my children did die. I don't rank the death of a pet up there but I don't think that my sister would be over it in a few weeks and just go buy another one. They're bigger to her than that. I'm not saying I agree with her but I am just trying to view things from her perspective.

As for how my children rank to her, I've never really thought about it. She did come and stay, for a week putting her dogs in a kennel, when my child died. She did miss a very significant family event because of the dogs' needs though. So no idea. I do suspect that if it was life and death she'd put my children first, though who knows?

If your dogs are your children and then you do have a child, what happens to the dog? It’s used to being number one, centre of attention then it’s not and never will be again. My limited knowledge of dogs is that they won’t instantly accept the change in hierarchy and could see the actual human child as a threat.

Also some people need to get over themselves - can’t cope with a toddler dancing to peppa pig for 5 minutes in an Airbnb on a family holiday indeed.

In the end we all set our own priorities. If not a dog it could be a holiday or a friend or something else. She could argue she's not responsible for the kids I chose to have (which is fair).

OP - At 30 weeks pregnant in this heat, you should be top priority over everyone including the dog! It sounds like a lot of drama, possibly alcohol related. Personally, I’d be devastated if my DH was blaming it all on me and I’d be giving him a good talking to this morning. Don’t let this slide OP, he should have your back 110% especially when you’re pregnant and looking after a toddler.

I think you are being really quite cruel in your response. The PP hasn’t said her SIL would choose her dogs over her nieces and nephews in a fire. She’s just said that they are her babies and hugely important to her. I think the PP is kind to recognise how important these dogs are in her SIL’s life.

Exactly, that sums the whole post up perfectly, much ado about nothing. Everyone including the OP need to grow up and start behaving like adults and stop behaving as if they’re the cast in Eastenders.
Why do people argue over such stupid things … it’s beyond me!

Going on holiday with your in laws when they get pissed and start crying is substantially more annoying than Peppa Pig……

@stormedoutaibu I don’t think you were in the wrong to do what you did but you could have handled it better. To move on you need to calmly explain to DH that FIL getting upset was his shock as Dd fell over and you weren’t at all cross, kids will be kids etc. That you were quite happy to leave with DD and were not cross and MIL has wrong end of the stick.

But all this drama around needing comfort vs DH comforting his family has to stop. Just be firm, calm and polite with them “No, I need to have DD within sight not on her own” … “I’ll take DD outside to the playground for a bit - FIL why not join us, you don’t see her much” “No, MIL, DH needs to get my shoes because that hill is just a bit much for me in this heat”. Nip any no sense in the bud. Be the adult when they’re gettibg dramatic.

Could you not suggest meeting at the playground or for coffee just for a little while today so you can leave on better terms?

My grand children loved to dance at that age and we always watched. Even when the dance went on for a long time!
Toddlers don't keep still for 5 minutes anyway if the dog or the in laws can't cope with a toddler dancing to Peppa Pig they shouldn't have gone on holdiay with you.
And I can't understand anyone putting a dogs welfare before a child's.
All the crying is also very odd. Are your I. Laws emotionally stable? Most long term couples bicker (I know we do!) but we don't cry all the time!
I'm sorry you are going through this OP it sounds horrible enough at the best of times add in pregnancy and this heat it sounds terrible.
Take a few deep breaths and try and ignore the craziness around you and take your toddler to the park away from the madness and let them dance as much as they want!

I feel for you. You ANBU in the slightest. I am a dog lover with years of experience and having worked in welfare/rescue with Pugs/Frenchies, when you get an unpredictable/reactive/aggressive dog, albeit small, they can do some damage. When a dog attacks it is often lightening fast and nobody can predict it unless they have decent knowledge of reading canine body language. They may growl as a warning, but sometimes that growl can be inaudible to humans and they can attack within seconds of this happening. A nervous or unsocialised dog is not a risk I would take around a toddler - or any dog without supervision.
I owned a Pug years ago who went for a child and it happened because the (5yr old child) hurt him in the face by accident. The child had asked permission to stroke him, and was given permission because up until that point he'd shown zero signs of aggression and been brought up with young children - in fact he loved children. She had a headband with a pointy plastic star on the top and as she bent down she hit him in the face with it and BOOM, with zero warning he launched himself at her face and luckily for all I was sitting right behind him so grabbed him and carried him out of the room - still snarling and trying to escape to get back to her. During my welfare time I was also bitten in the face by a Pug who was resource guarding a biro. I was aware of her 'plastic guarding' when I fostered her but forgot one day and bent down to take it, hence the attack. Accidents can, and do happen. Please take your DC out of the equation completely in this scenario. Don't teach your DC not to like dogs, but to act carefully and cautiously around them - and ask SIL to see a behaviourist, although I don't think this will go down too well from your post. You have every right to leave. Children come first.

Brilliant summing up 👍🏻

At least you'll know not to go away with them again. We had to do the same with my dysfunctional parents due to their mad behaviour. They still booked a holiday with us without asking if we wanted to come on it and we said "That's lovely. We won't be coming but have fun!"

I won't say 'says it all' but it sure helps to understand why they've acted so weird

There's a whole lot of batshittery and delusion going on in this family. I can imagine you are well and truly exhausted by them all. I am, just reading this.

Not to worry though. You can't get along with people who can't even get along with themselves, so this is not your fault. I can't see a problem with saying to the person in your immediate vicinity that you're popping out, and expecting them to relay that message to others; especially when they start getting hysterical.

You poor thing. Hopefully this will be your last holiday with this dysregulated bunch. Your husband can go without you.

Rubbish. My dog is more important to me than your child. My dog is more important to me than a child I pass on the street. And for me, my dog IS more important to me than my niece as Ive only met her 3 times.

In the grand scheme of things I accept a child is more important than my dog. But to me that simply isn't the case.

He you can't simply go "blood" therefore the child must be more important to the SIL.

It's the difference between what is important and what is important to someone

OP, your husband is a disgrace, stop apologising to him.
This holiday was a mistake that is never to be repeated.
You have awful in laws and a weak spineless husband.

How dare he treat his pregnant wife poorly.
You clearly tolerate too much.
Too much drink involved too.
Mind yourself

So every single person on the 'holiday' has been crying except your husband? It all sounds tedious and unnecessary.

Don't bother being around these weeping people too often, your husband can take your child to see them when he feels the need.

The mystery for me in this is the “frenchie the size of a Staffie”
Me too 🤣. Actually this sentence makes me think that the OP is prone to wild exaggeration and there's a lot more that happened than has been explained. The OP story and the subsequent reactions just don't add up.
Why would a grown man, who had only ever cried at the death of his parents, be in tears. It makes no sense. They werent crazy drunk, OP said they were 'on their way' to being drunk. People just don't start crying and stressing over nothing because they've had a couple of drinks. If the OP had told the aunties why she was leaving why would they be stressed and upset and why would FIL think they left because he was being blamed for a fall? The aunties would surely just explain to everyone. I think the OP probably muttered the passive aggressive comment and noone heard, leaving everyone worried about where they had gone and stressed out that they had done something wrong. Im also sure the OP would know full well there would be a fallout to her just disappearing with dd and I'm not surprised that the DH is pissed off.

Let them blame you, if they want. They're all nuts. Just internally roll your eyes and do your own thing.

Never holiday with them again.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions - don't holiday with them again.

@stormedoutaibu your in-laws sound difficult but I find that your version of events doesn’t add up either all of it is is designed to make you seem without blame

Your husband cannot be miles away from where you were with your phone and if the park was 20 metres away he would have seen you.
You left with his daughter without a phone and went off property and can’t see how that might upset him.

that would upset me if DH did that