Stormed out of family gathering am I the holiday wrecker

[stormedoutaibu]

DH and I are early 30s, DD is 2, on a family mini break away (staying in separate accommodation to in-laws who are DH parents sister along with naughty dog and aunties)
sister very anxious about dog and DD mixing (bit aggressive and unruly large frenchie about staffie sized so DH and I have to police very carefully) and has cried a few times about it today.
FIL rolled his eyes at me earlier for insisting my DH goes to grab DD beach shoes (I didn’t go as I’m 30’weeks pregnant in a heatwave)
MIL and FIL keep bickering

went to enjoy takeaway a their Airbnb. And my DD was sent away to dance in the lounge several rooms from where the adults were sat ‘to give the dog some peace’ and to ‘go and do it in the lounge cos of the dog’
i thought about it for 5 minutes or so and then left with my daughter as this offended me but I didn’t tell DH where I had gone but told MIL I was at a park within line of sight of the air bnb
they and my husband is acting like I’ve ruined everyone’s holiday and been the 4th reason that FIL has ever cried
all honesty I’ve had enough of the whole thing them bickering and the dog being priority over my toddler

You say she’s the cutest thing dancing to peppa pig. That’s only to you as her parent. Most people don’t find that cute and will find it annoying

One of the first things I learned with parenting was that a holiday with a toddler is not at all a holiday. You just about need a holiday to recover from the holiday.

Anyone putting a dog before their grandchild is not someone I'd ever go on holiday with

Seriously they are all bonkers.

A dog is not a child. If the dog gets worked up by being around a child the dog gets removed and restrained not the child.

You told your MIL where you were going. She chose not to tell DH.

Personally I wouldn't even bother staying the extra day but go now. And definitely no more family holidays.

Sounds like everyone, including the dog, was feeling the heat! Why, oh why do people take very small children and animal on holiday? They don’t need or appreciate holidays!!

@stormedoutaibu i don’t think you did anything wrong.
Id be standing my ground and taking my apology back . I’d also be asking dh where him having your back is .

It all sounds very overwhelming and too much. .
Maybe dig your heels in and tell dh you don’t fancy having your kids around adults who are drinking since it’s all too much for them.

You went to the park !
Id be annoyed at eye rolling and sending a child away over the dog . You should be upset at your dh not the other way around.
let him get on with his family days himself.

I'm on your side OP, they all sound nuts and that's being kind. I don't get how you going to the park or your dd falling over would warrant a crying episode but maybe that was more the drink than what you did.
Your DH sounds as dramatic as his family but I find it odd he didn't find his dads reaction as strange- if it were my dad I would flag that as odd behaviour and keep an eye on that

Jesus fucking Christ, people on Mumsnet are the worst these days.

No, you’re not unreasonable @stormedoutaibu. Your utterly pathetic husband and his drunk family sound truly fucking awful.

It definitely sounds like there’s more to this than you’re making out and I’m not the poster who usually says something like that. Sounds like heat for all of you and alcohol for them hasn’t helped, you might be a teensy bit hormonal (I’m third trimester too right now do can relate), and stuck in a different place from home away from usual routines has got everyone out of sorts. That bit about ‘clearly DD is bothering the dog’ is super bitchy - no way could that ever come out friendly like you claim 😂 And it was only the other side of a courtyard that she was going to go? Why not say just you’d go with her and her grandad to keep in line of vision?

Honestly, take a breather, calm down a bit and maybe tell your husband that you’re sorry for causing an issue, but that his family just got to you a bit. Because it does sound like you’re being equally hard work to them, reading between the lines!

Whoever decided to bring the dog is the root cause of the problem. After that there seems to be a bit of a mish mash of normal irritation that happens when a bunch of adults are on holiday together, over sensitivity (the cryers) and immature responses (you walking out without telling DH...why?) If you decide to have group holidays you WILL become annoyed with other people. So you need to either not have them or learn to deal with it without getting upset. And thats all of you. Personally i think the holiday with this dog is probably not salvageable, and that's not your fault. Future holidays without the dog will only work if you all change your behaviour and that does include you.

Was every adult drinking other than you?
It was the last evening and sounds like everyone had had enough of each other!

I only went on a joint holiday with a dog-owner once (SIL).

Never again.

Passive aggressive?

Telling someone your taking your child to the park isn't passive aggressive

What's passive aggressive is not passing the message on and allowing everyone to get worked up about a situation when you know what's happened and no-one else does

"Where is my wife and child?" "Across the park burning off a bit of energy" see? Discussion over "where is my wife and child" "i dont know they were here a minute ago has anyone seen them where have they gone?" Equals fucking drama no-one has time for

You all sound a bit batshit. Clearly you won't go on holiday together again, but for now just be nice. I do this every year for my husband, you'll survive. And having suffered infertility, I do hope you aren't talking about your pregnancy all the time.

This is why we don't do family holidays. The dog pandering and favouritism was unbearable and we vowed never again! Just move on and don't repeat it, it's not worth falling out over.

I think everyone was hot and tired and you were probably also hormonal. A little kid dancing round on top of that was probably just too much.

Take a deep breath and talk to them tomorrow. Everyone will be calmer.

I think your daughter needs keeping away from this madness not exposing to it!

You told your MIL you were off to the park.

So when your husband asked where you were what was the drama about?

The question is, did she really just tell MIL she was off to the park? Or was it, as she wrote in the title, that she 'stormed off'?

Hot and tired and drunk. Except the OP.

On such a hot day it wouldn’t be a good idea a toddler dancing around in a small ish space with a hot and bothered dog. You might take offence that others don’t want to see your toddlers cute dance, but after dinner during a heatwave, it probably wasn’t what anyone wanted. Parents of course can’t understand why anyone wouldn’t want to see a peppa pig dance (one they’ve no doubt seen before many times).

You were overly sensitive and your DH is caught in the middle of all this. Seems like a big over reaction on their part, but we only have your side of the story. 2 people crying because of what you said happened doesn’t seem to add up. Guess your DH isn’t going to be able to just forget about this as you’ve apologised. Family dramas cause such a horrible amount of stress. Going away with them was definitely not a good idea when already this underlying issue with SIL’s dog.

This is about hierarchy. SIL is their own daughter, you are their married in DIL. She outranks you in their affection. The needs of her dog, who is the equivalent of your DD, outrank the needs of your DD. When she has children, they will outrank yours.

All the rest is just drama.

Isn’t the bottom line that everyone is exhausted due to the heat. Just move on.

I’m not sure I really understand the issue here. The dog sounds like it was controlled and on the lead most of the time around your 2 year old which was sensible of your SIL. Even on the lead, dogs can get stressed by toddlers because they are unpredictable in their movements and dancing would have heightened that. Kids absolutely take priority over dogs but it’s unreasonable to make no accommodations for the dog at all when it’s so important to your SIL and is on the holiday too. My rescue is good with kids but also gets stressed by unfamiliar ones running about so we shut her in another when we have visitors. However, if we have longer guests we have to manage her by redirecting kids playing away from her usual spots as she can’t be shut away all the time. I think your SIL was daft to bring the dog at all but you agreed to go knowing the dog was there and should have been prepared to make accommodations to keep your DD safe and the dog unstressed as possible.

As the mother you have the power to make this holiday work, but you seem a bit oblivious to other people's point of view.

Work with your DH. Maybe take him and child away from the rest of them for a toddler-centred day, then reconvene when everyone's had a more relaxing day. Make sure you do it in a friendly way, that cannot be construed as storming off, just tell them you're doing it for the right reason, eg to give the dog (and the ILs) peace. Look at it from their point of view. Go somewhere they wouldn't be interested in (peppa pig world?).

Saying that clearly DD is bothering the dog and then storming off (OPs own words) is both passive aggressive and dramatic when all the family asked was that DD went with her granddad to the other room to listen to her Peppa Pig music and dance whilst they finished up their dinner. It would have meant that the adults get a bit of downtime after a long hot day and the DD got to do her dancing where she wasn't bothering anyone.

We don't know if OPs H asked his mum where OP was, or if MIL even knew that OP hadn't told anyone so that can't really be passive aggressive.