Stormed out of family gathering am I the holiday wrecker

[stormedoutaibu]

DH and I are early 30s, DD is 2, on a family mini break away (staying in separate accommodation to in-laws who are DH parents sister along with naughty dog and aunties)
sister very anxious about dog and DD mixing (bit aggressive and unruly large frenchie about staffie sized so DH and I have to police very carefully) and has cried a few times about it today.
FIL rolled his eyes at me earlier for insisting my DH goes to grab DD beach shoes (I didn’t go as I’m 30’weeks pregnant in a heatwave)
MIL and FIL keep bickering

went to enjoy takeaway a their Airbnb. And my DD was sent away to dance in the lounge several rooms from where the adults were sat ‘to give the dog some peace’ and to ‘go and do it in the lounge cos of the dog’
i thought about it for 5 minutes or so and then left with my daughter as this offended me but I didn’t tell DH where I had gone but told MIL I was at a park within line of sight of the air bnb
they and my husband is acting like I’ve ruined everyone’s holiday and been the 4th reason that FIL has ever cried
all honesty I’ve had enough of the whole thing them bickering and the dog being priority over my toddler

I’m with you on this op.
You were basically being asked to spend your time in another area with your dd, so effectively excluded.

We were once at a family wedding and after the reception all the guests gravitated to a large mezzanine with a lift to the ground floor.
Dh and I spent the whole evening with our then 22 month old either sitting on our own in reception hall with dd or stopping her from running into the lift every time the doors opened.
It was exhausting and not a bit enjoyable but there’s no way we would have left her in the reception hall on her own even though it was right next to us.

That's a good thought.

Given that everyone at that holiday is emotional, I wonder if there's something else going on that OP isn't aware of. Illness, relationship issues, those sorts of things.

They were trying to relax one way or other and obviously had enough of Peppa Pig. Not unreasonable.

They're all crying though (MIL, FIL, SIL), so I think they've had a bit much to drink.

So your father in law cried after not getting your two year old daughter to himself away from your field of vision??

There is something very very wrong with this man.

I don’t trust anyone who tries to take a very young child away from their mother and to cry about it makes me think he’s manipulating you so that next time he tries to get your daughter away from you - you will just let him because you don’t want another crying episode.

This may be an overreaction on my part but I’m suspicious of anyone who tries to take a toddler away from their mother - even family.

Agree - there is nothing more Irritating than Peppa Pig.

It sounds reasonable they told your daughter to dance in another room seeing as she had already fallen and hurt herself. In a crowded room with a potentially fractious dog, why didn't you or your husband encourage her to play quietly?
It sounds like everyone is too hot.

You are definitely not being unreasonable.

I think taking your DD to a park that’s within the line of sight of the air bnb was a considered decision. Your DD was clearly in the mood for burning off some energy but you’d had in-laws bellyaching about it and telling you to remove your DD to another room so the dog could have some peace.
Incidentally it sounds like that dog is a ticking time bomb and not the sort to be taken away for a family holiday.

At the end of the day the in-laws got their wish. Hopefully your DD enjoyed herself at the park and it sounded like you needed a break from insufferable company. The fact your in-laws still found fault despite getting their wish about the dog getting some peace says a lot. There ain’t no pleasing some people.

Your FIL and MIL had kept on bickering and drinking had been going on yesterday evening plus it’s been very warm. Doesn’t take much for people to get emotional or lose their temper in such circumstances. I wouldn’t accept any responsibility for FIL crying. I can echo that experience another poster shared about a possible onset of Alzheimer’s too.

You had told MIL where you were going.

Seriously these people need to politely be told to get tae fuck in my opinion. They’re emotionally manipulative by the sound of it too. The SIL sounds a nightmare and needs to deal with the dog’s issues.

You are definitely not being unreasonable.

I think taking your DD to a park that’s within the line of sight of the Airbnb was a considered decision. Your DD was clearly in the mood for burning off some energy but you’d had in-laws bellyaching about it and telling you to remove your DD to another room so the dog could have some peace.
Incidentally it sounds like that dog is a ticking time bomb and not the sort to be taken away for a family holiday.

At the end of the day the in-laws got their wish. Hopefully your DD enjoyed herself at the park and it sounded like you needed a break from insufferable company. The fact your in-laws still found fault despite getting their wish about the dog getting some peace says a lot. There ain’t no pleasing some people.

Your FIL and MIL had kept on bickering and drinking had been going on yesterday evening plus it’s been very warm. Doesn’t take much for people to get emotional or lose their temper in such circumstances. I wouldn’t accept any responsibility for FIL crying. Incidentally that experience shared by another PP about unusual behaviour and possible Alzheimer’s is something I can echo.

You had told MIL where you were going. The park is very close to the Airbnb.

Seriously these people need to politely be told to get tae fuck in my opinion. They’re emotionally manipulative by the sound of it too. The SIL sounds a nightmare and needs to deal with the dog’s issues.

"literally she is the cutest thing in the world dancing to a peppa pig song (she also loves any music tbh) but that’s just me""

Only in your eyes! And it is adorable and completely understandable that you think this. However, please take a step back, and realise that other people's little darlings can be literally the most annoying things in the world.

They may also be worried the dog will attack the child, this is a genuine fear, stoked by terrible rare stories in the media, but is a real fear you need to understand.

She didn't "make" anyone feel bad, she's not some kind of supreme being who can control others feelings, that's all on the father in law.

Op it's all very dramatic and emotionally charged, they all sound immensely emotionally immature, I think I would have left. Your husband does feel stuck in the middle (and I can relate to this) but he has a choice, although he doesn't see it as he is probably always been the peacemaker. His child and you should come before his parents sister and the dog. But, on the bright side, if you get asked to go on holiday again you can both say no, that's probably not a good idea is it.

You sound a bit blinkered to how your child may be perceived by others "she's the cutest thing" "her table manners are pretty awesome". The fact is for people not used to being around a toddler all day they can be pretty exhausting. Everyone sounds tired and overwhelmed regardless of the dog.

For me it sounds like there is a good job being done keeping the dog and child separated. Yes it's effort, but that's ok surely. It isn't about a dog being more important than a child - they can both be managed together and it is about keeping your SIL happy and involved. The dog is her family, if a little bit of effort means something important to her is included then what's the harm?

Leaving and just saying I'm off when you're fully intending to go to the park sounds like you have a flare for drama. I'm not sure you are entirely innocent in all of this,and everyone else is batshit. Usually everyone contributes in some way.

Just ignore the people gleefully pointing out that not everybody will find your daughter cute OP. That's irrelevant. You and your daughter deserve to have a holiday where she is enjoyed not tolerated. You definitely don't need to go on a holiday with people who remove your toddler from the public space in favour of a dog. There is zero excuse for that for so many reasons. SIL should haven taken dog for a walk or put it in a cage. You also deserve to have a partner who has your back especially when you're heavily pregnant and running around after a toddler. I'd tell DH that he and his family get a fucking grip and that there will be no more family holidays in such tense situations. His and your priority is to keep your toddler safe and happy. You can't do that in a chaotic house with a bunch of half-drunk drama llamas and a volatile dog who's treated as more important than your child.

Don't worry OP, I get it...everyone loves a pile on early in the morning on MN. Basically in this situation you are outnumbered and the Ddog getting more attention than DD.
Your DH sounds like a bit of a wimp and you have said your apologies. Don't say anything else...if he can't see it from your point of view, don't go on holiday with them again. He can and take both DC, when baby is born, with him.
Family dynamics are always difficult, especially when it is hot and most of them have been drinking. So what if you think your DD is wonderful, that's a mothers job! Your DH should stop sulking and blaming you and work out how to make it better next time, or there won't be one.

Well this is a bit of a drip-feed. He wasn't crying because you'd left and taken your kid to the park over some dancing nonsense, he was crying because he felt responsible for his granddaughter falling and hurting herself, everyone was putting the boot in over it and he was arguing with his wife.

How long was this fall before you left? Was it before she was sent away to dance?

How did it even come up that this was only the fourth time he'd ever cried? Who keeps track of these things? It's an incredibly odd thing to bring up, but then the whole bunch of you seem extremely melodramatic.

I don't think telling a child to dance in another room to avoid winding a dog up is unreasonable to the point that you needed to take the kid and leave without telling most of them where you'd gone. That's quite selfish.

But I don't understand why your DH had to 'search' for you? Surely his mum would have just told him where you were if she knew? Or are you saying that she didn't tell him on purpose?

I don't know what it is about Peppa Pig. My kids are older now but at the doctor's surgery, on the train, anywhere you go, kids are glued to screens from the youngest age watching Peppa Pig. Whatever happened to talking to and interacting with your children while you wait?

I was at the optometrists recently while a mother ignored her approx 3 year old who watched Peppa Pig loudly the whole time while she was on the other side of the room. By the time half an hour was up, I was considering telling the kid about bacon and that it came from pigs like Peppa Pig. The Mum would have been totally oblivious. (OK, I am joking about that, but it did cross my mind in a joking fashion).

I'd also have cried if I'd been forced to listen to Peppa Pig while a toddler danced around the room when I was trying to relax.

I think there is a lot that isn’t being said here. It is very unlikely that it all happened the way OP has described it if the outcome is that an entire extended family, including her husband, found her behaviour to be upsetting.

All they did was ask that the toddler went to the lounge with her granddad to continue her dancing because the dog needed a break. And yes, the dog is not a baby, but it doesn’t mean it needs to be treated without any consideration. Perhaps they all needed a break really and didn’t want to listen to Peppa Pig music but it was easier to blame it on the dog. All of that is very understandable and really not an issue. The issue is that OP took such offence to that and decided to completely remove herself and the toddler from the group, without even telling the toddler’s other parent. That sounds overly dramatic when all they asked was that the toddler played with granddad in the other room whilst they finished up after dinner.

So then you don't go on holiday with a 2 year old. You don't want to put up with a toddler getting simple pleasures out of life. The toddler probably doesn't want to be cramped in a strange room with a bunch of adults who they might not be massively familiar with who are more interested in a dog and boozing than her. The toddler's mum definitely doesn't want to be managing said toddler whilst making sure a dog doesn't savage the toddler whilst treading on eggshells around fucking batshit oversensitive family members whilst 30 weeks pregnant. The solution is you don't go on such difficult holidays. The solution is not stopping a toddler from doing what they find joyful. If the toddler was being obnoxious or aggressive then fair enough but otherwise she has just as much right to exist as everyone else. In fact her needs are much more important than a bunch of grown adults because she is still dependent and her brain is still developing.

The way you have written this makes them sound over-sensitive, emotionally enmeshed, emotionally immature, shit grandparents and aunty and bad dog owners to boot. Is that what they are?

Your husband joining in the family whining would make me find him so unattractive if I were in your shoes. But you have chosen him to have two children with so they cannot be all bad really can they?

Absolutely @Itsjustmonkeyssingingsongsmate why does mil and sil get fo decide who does what and where? It's not their home, it's a joint holiday let. And if FIL is so pissed he's drunk crying, why would anyone think he's capable of supervising a 2 yo?

Giving the other adults a break from toddler stuff (especially Peppa Pig, which is the most obnoxious thing in existence) is just part of taking a toddler on holiday. Toddlers are exhausting! It sounds like a very polite request to go dance in the other room - they even went to the trouble of trying to blame the dog.

I think that poster was joking a bit.

Toddler wasn't told not to do something though, just do it in a different room. To some extent I understand that when you go on holiday with a toddler, they might be loud and make it less relaxing for the adults. But how long had toddler been dancing to Peppa Pig? Maybe they just needed a break from the noise and repetition?

I don't think it would have bothered me though. Not my toddler, I can always go read in my room or go for a walk if it bothers me.

dog is her baby

A dog can not be a human baby.

Why is somebody crying?

A toddler dancing to Peppa Pig constantly. I’m out.

So she took the child to the park where is the issue why is everyone intent on her having "ruined" the holiday by her actions? They had tried her leaving the room it didn't work out so they went to the park

It's not so deep they need to wail about it