For refusing to let my 5 year old call my new boyfriend “Dad” after he suggested it?

[Analgesio]

Bit of a weird one maybe. Basically I’ve been seeing my bf for about 6 months, things have been going alright and he’s started spending more time at mine, staying over now and then etc. My DC (5) gets on with him but obvs still getting used to everything, which is fine and expected.

Anyway the other day bf said to me, completely out of the blue, that he thinks it would be “better for stability” if DC started calling him Dad. I just sort of blinked at him like what?? Told him absolutely not, way too soon and felt a bit ick tbh. My child has a dad (not hugely involved but still in the picture) and even if he wasn’t I still think it’s a bit much after 6 months.

Bf seemed a bit hurt by it which confused me tbh. Said he just wants to feel like he’s “part of the family” and that DC already acts like he’s the dad anyway. I don’t really agree with that at all, he’s friendly and helpful but we’re still in early days territory and I’m not comfortable with putting labels on things like that esp when DC is so young and impressionable.

Now I’m wondering if I was a bit harsh or if I should’ve handled it differently? But honestly it felt like a big red flag to me. I mentioned it to a mate and she reckons I should be flattered he wants to step up, which just made me question myself more.

AIBU to have said no or should I have been more open to it?

If you raise a stepchild from a young age of course they will call you dad!

These are the types of things which you start off with. It's weird and makes you feel uncomfortable. Nip it in the bud now before he shows who he really is. He's a fucking creep

If this was me I'd end the relationship. Then I see he's making serious comments about being the man of the house and I'd double end it. These are not jokes. I hope he doesn't live with you...

If you won’t end the relationship, at least separate the relationship from your child. Stop the overnights and the family outings.

your son should not be developing an attachment to someone this early.

She said his dad is not involved a lot

And?

It's really unwise to dismiss very basic safeguarding.
Not at all ridiculous to point out that this virtual stranger could have targeted OP to access her child.

Any bare minimum decent man would have declined meeting a child after dating the mother briefly, as completely inappropriate and not child-centred.

Not if they already have a Dad in their lives
And then what happens if after a few years mum and " Dad " split up and mum meets someone new should the kids get another new " Dad" ?

This. It’s really horrible, but in my personal life I know too many adults who were abused by step dads. My now SIL actually moved in with us as a teen because of her step dad. i saw it a lot when I worked with a children’s charity as well, but that was a very biased sample.

OP, did this man push to meet your kids? Who’s choice was it to introduce them so early.

I've been in my younger stepsons life since he was a baby and he never called me mum....

Absolutely not

He's still his Dad her boyfriend is just that a boyfriend.

Bully for you

but surely you can grasp that in some case, it may very well be appropriate, welcome and positive?

surely you can?

This!! Like I replied to somone else my mum had many partners after leaving my dad I'm glad not one of them got called dad by me

Why is everyone piling on me??? Not " bully for me" either! I can grasp it if said child doesn’t have a dad already. See my other posts about being abused by fake relatives then maybe you won't be so mean??

In that case we’ll let our kids know we’re no their dad.

The best advice I can give you is to get that man out of your son’s life now.

@Booboobagins it is nothing short of disturbing that you do not think this is a red flag and that actually a sign this bout loves the op “very much” 🤔

No, she really shouldn’t. He has a name.

What is Pop anyway, why would anyone want to be called that?

Massive red flag

I'd dump him, op

Yeah, I’d take it as a red flag and massively over stepping on his part.

My DH has been in my DC’s lives since they were very little. DC3 wasn’t much more than a baby when I felt we’d been dating long enough for the DCs to meet him, so she doesn’t remember life without him being there.
But still, they’ve all always called him by his name. It’s only over the past year or so that they’ll refer to him as “my dad” or me and him collectively as “my mum and dad” when they are talking to their friends or whatever, and I guess because that’s just easier for them than explaining the actual family dynamic.
The older two have also asked him before “Is it ok if I say that?” - and he’s just followed their lead and said “You can call me whatever you want”.
Your boyfriend being the one to suggest it is concerning to me.

Yes I agree. Of course some of the men who groom kids seek out single mums. Some men put effort in for years. Doing odd favours to worm themselves in - lifts, diy, offers of babysitting.... It's sick but it needs acknowledging that it's a pattern of behaviour.

I mean some spent years training to be priests or gym coaches to get access, and it does no one any good to pretend otherwise.

It’s a power thing from his side. A ’dad’ gets to decide over the child and family more than just a boyfriend.

But that's not what this thread is about the Op and her boyfriend have Been together six months and even though her sons Dad is around the boyfriend wants to be called Dad which is just ridiculous.

Men have been known to groom kids you know and getting into a relationship with a single parent is one of their preferred methods. I mean, it's almost always the "boyfriend". So maybe it's unlikely but to say it's a ridiculous notion is, well, ridiculous.