Wwyd

[loveforautumn]

My mum and dad have a holiday home in Spain, lovely places and we've had some fab holidays over the years anyway, the upkeep of the places obviously costs and we're expected to contribute when using it which is fair enough, I wouldn't not and want to help them out. My sister however keeps going over there for free,no contribution or anything, hasn't even mentioned it. My parents just let het go and dont say anything.
What's annoying me is we're still expected to pay and if we didn't something would be said.
Am I right to feel annoyed that they go for free and im still expected to pay? We havent gone since finding out they aren't paying as i dont think its fair.

Yanbu. I'd feel the same. I'd be open and ask why your sister goes for free?

More sibling favouritism.

Well I think your reaction of not going does feel a bit like cutting off your nose to spite your face. I mean, would I be right thinking that the "contribution" is probably less than if you were renting commercially? If so, then you are still getting a nice holiday at a good rate.

I agree that on the face of it it sounds unfair, but is there more backstory you haven't mentioned? Are you and your partner in well paid jobs while your sister is a struggling single mother or something?

Have your parents asked her for a contribution and she doesn't give them anything?And how do you know she doesn't, have they told you?

@loveforautumn , sounds lovely and a shame to just stop going. Are your sister’s circumstances playing a part here. Maybe have a conversation with your mum and dad, tell them how you feel.

I think it’s likely they want her to pay and have even asked her to pay and she hasn’t and that your mum and dad don’t want to cause a feud.

But the only people you spite if you stop paying and/or going is your family and your parents who are paying everything for the holiday home so you’re punishing the wrong people.

I would have a conversation with your mum and dad about the circumstances and see if there’s a bit more to it and/or pull your sister aside and make sure she knows that your parents rely on a contribution when she goes and hope she takes the hint that it’s been noticed and she won’t get away with just not paying and nobody saying anything in future.

My sister and her bf dont work, no reason for it they just dont, they live of uc and borrowed money!
No back story just that they've always got everything for free and its annoying.
We have our own business and work but we do that so we can afford things and to go places, it shouldn't matter if we earn more, I just see it as everyone should contribute not just us because we have more money than they do.
It may seem daft not going but I cant stand knowing we work hard to pay for these things when they get it given to them on a plate.
I have spoken to them and they've said that they have spoken to them about it but still havent paid a penny to this day. They have 6 children that they use as an excuse to not being able to afford to contribute

You can afford it, they can’t. You both seem fortunate to get a free holiday. Surely your parents recognise that you work hard and your sister doesn’t?

This sounds like you can afford to do lots of nice things whereas this holiday is your sisters only shot of a holiday. Bloody hell with six kids and relying purely on UC they couldn’t afford 8 ice creams in St Ives, let alone a foreign holiday. Do you really begrudge her that much? How much do you pay? Couple of hundred quid per holiday towards bills and household stuff? Still seems like a good deal to me.

Stop contributing and go on holiday elsewhere.

They both sit on their arses all day and do nothing. If they want nice things they should work like everyone else does, we work hard to do things as should they! They dont need to rely on uc they could go out and work but they choose not too.

How do they get UC if they aren't working and there is no other reason for not working?

Thats what we're planning on doing before it causes problems

If they are benefit cheats report them, why should we all pay for them?

No idea how the benefits work, neither of them work and are both capable of doing so. Maybe they're on something else but I thought uc was the only one now?

They both sit on their arses all day and have 6 children?

Hmm. Do they have a “flat screen tv” and iPhones, too?

It's galling but you said they had 6 kids? On UC they won't have a lot of money despite the narrative around benefits and those children will have to miss out on some things. I'd try and reframe it. You are still getting a cheaper cost effective holiday and at a holiday home which always makes things easier. While its unfair at least those kids are also getting a good experience and you can be proud knowing you do contribute.

Your sister sounds like a lazy scrounger, but ultimately it’s on your parents for letting them stay without any contribution.

It's obviously not fair but I suppose you have to weigh up the risk/benefit of causing an argument by bringing it up. We have a similar situation with my DH family - his DP are not well off, so we typically somewhat subsidise family holidays (we don't pay for the entire thing for them, but will for eg pay a larger than proportional share of a shared villa so that his DP can still go. They're lovely people and more than "pay us back" with childcare help). But DH's DB and SIL never contribute - they will work out the exact amount they owe for said villa and that's it. So it's always me and DH subsidising his DP. We have comparable salaries and outgoing costs to DBIL and DSIL so it's not like they're also very poor. It really fucked me off recently when they claimed they were "Too poor to contribute a few extra £100 for a family holiday so DP could come" and then posted less than a week later that they'd booked an impromptu holiday for themselves and sent pictures of said lovely holiday 🙄

DH and I don't bring it up because it's not worth the argument and just have a grumble to ourselves about it. We value having DP join us on family holidays more

Don’t go, problem sorted.

This is the crux of your problem with your sister and her partner: they don't work, not that they get a free holiday from the parents. I think it is bizarre that you think depriving yourself of your heavily subsidised holiday in your parent's holiday home will make any difference to anyone, expect you paying more for your holiday. If you have a problem with your sister's laziness, take it up with her don't deflect on to your parents who are trying to do right by you both given your different income levels. Or do you just want to go free too?

Parents shouldn’t treat their children differently on account of lifestyle choices. OP could be a multi millionaire and her parents should still treat her exactly the same as her siblings. I honestly can’t abide favouritism. It’s emotionally harmful imo.

Exactly this!

I wouldn't go free regardless i pay my way in life and dont want things for free. If she doesnt want to work and wants to struggle for years to come that's on her and not me. The problem i have is them getting away with contributing towards something that we all use.

By lying.

How annoying! Surely they can’t afford flights in the first place? I can only imagine how frustrated you are. I would probably go elsewhere and encourage your parents to rent it out.

Except you are now not using it just to spite yourself, how are you winning? It’s annoying but why do yourself out of cheap holidays just to… what exactly? Make a point to who? Your sister doesn’t care and gets what she wants anyway. Your parents loose out a little financially from you but that serves them right in a way. Only real looser though is you sitting at home annoyed about something you can’t change and loosing out on fun family time yourself just to make a point to people who won’t change.

You could ask your parents to get you go for free but you say you won’t accept it for free. It’s not yours to charge your sister or stop her going, so why not just get on with your life and enjoy your cheap holidays. Life is too short for all this.