Wwyd

[loveforautumn]

My mum and dad have a holiday home in Spain, lovely places and we've had some fab holidays over the years anyway, the upkeep of the places obviously costs and we're expected to contribute when using it which is fair enough, I wouldn't not and want to help them out. My sister however keeps going over there for free,no contribution or anything, hasn't even mentioned it. My parents just let het go and dont say anything.
What's annoying me is we're still expected to pay and if we didn't something would be said.
Am I right to feel annoyed that they go for free and im still expected to pay? We havent gone since finding out they aren't paying as i dont think its fair.

UC is an in work benefit so I don’t understand how neither of them work.

YANBU to be miffed though, parents should let you both go free once- if it’s more often then a contribution should be made perhaps as that’s fair.

Yes but if you had an opportunity for a free one would you take it? I would! And I’d hate for my sister to think I shouldn’t.

OP you don't sound like you actually know why neither of them works, I'm guessing one is maybe at home with the children, but if so how do you know the other one isn't looking for work? Do they have any illness/disabilities? I get how annoying this must be (and I do think they should be contributing whatever they can towards the holidays), but are you just speculating that they've no interest in working or is it definitely the case? It would be hard to manage such a big family solely from benefits, I can't imagine many people would actively choose it.

We have a similar situation with my DH’s brother & wife.

We stepped away from family things as we were expected to pay our share but they get it all for free.
They have ‘no money’ but 2 Mercedes, designer clothing, nails & toes done, £2k new garden furniture set etc. they rinse my in laws for loads of free childcare too.

we couldn’t reconcile the fact we had to pay they they didn’t & my MIL won’t discuss it. So we swerve family gatherings to avoid me having a glass of wine & starting a fight…

I wonder how your parents, who presumably worked hard and earned enough money for afford a second home abroad, feel about having a daughter who refuses to work, lives on benefits and has six kids.

You chose to have 8 kids, no one needs these large families. It’s destructive to the planet and selfish.

I'd be upset too, purely because they aren't being consistent between siblings.

PIL never asked us for a contribution when we visited them in Spain, but we were visiting them rather than having the place to ourselves. It was a family holiday and we included them in everything. We bought all food while we were there and did the bulk of the cooking. I also cleaned the house from top to bottom the day before we left.

I don't think BIL did the same on the couple of times he went but the relationship was different.

We weren't concerned because the holiday was how we wanted it.

As hard as it would be, I'd try to stop letting my sister live rent free in my head, as well as my parent's holiday home.

Well great. Dsis has plenty of time on her hands. Dps want favours send them her way. You are too busy raising your dc and working.

Assuming they have pre school kids or live in a country that doesn’t fine, term time easyJet or Ryanair flights to Spain could be as low as £30-40. My SILs parents had a holiday home there for years, their record flight low was £19.99 per person.

The only sensible reply. Unless you don’t like your sister anyway, it sounds like you’re breaking up the family over money. Sad.

This
And surely they have to prove that they’re actually applying for jobs?……isn’t that part of the UC criteria?

Oh and here we go. If it wasn't just the benefits bashing thread, someone just had to throw in the disability bashing aspect since it was nowhere in eveidence already.

These boards are abused by a lot of people who fabricate or over-exaggerate what a wonderful life being on benefits is, or how great a disabiity is.

I’m so glad I’m not in the UK when I read these things. People who get away with not working, have 6 kids and on benefits.
What a country.

I’d ask your parents, but the answer will be you can afford it and the poor mites can’t.

If you are happy to pay your way you wouldn’t have started this thread.

The UC system doesn’t work that way though. If they aren’t applying for jobs then they won’t get the money. I’d be interested to find out how/why they are receiving benefits

Funny as I was just thinking MN was abused by people who fabricate or over-exaggerate!

I'd just find somewhere else to go on holiday. They aren't going to treat you equally, and if you push there will be fallings out.

How much “contribution” are we talking?

Excellent point. What do you suggests she does with the other seven surplus kids now?

I understand your frustration, but try to reframe it so it doesn't eat away at you.

I don't see it as favouritism, I see it as parents making allowances so that their grandchildren can go on a nice holiday. Your sister and her partner have made (bad) life choices, but those children didn't and don't have a say in anything. They would not be able to afford a holiday without the kindness of your parents (and you are still saving too!) so think of the happy memories your nieces/nephews will have.

If your parents could afford it I'm sure they wouldn't take money from you either.

I've thought about what I would do in their situation if it was my child/grandchild, and I think I would do exactly the same as they do. And explain to any other child my reasons. But I really don't think if one could afford it and my grandchilden couldn't, they wouldn't have an issue because they're innocent.

If it was only an adult child without children I would expect some contribution, even if it was slightly smaller, because they have chosen not to support themselves.

How much do you contribute for one week OP?

Your parents aren't helping, you say they've spoken to your DSis yet they still continue to let her and her family go even without offering a small token towards cost by way of thanks, I mean if they all go a holiday for 8 would cost them a fortune elsewhere.
They must all contribute to wear and tear of the property.

Do they contribute by doing any up keep on the property as in DIY/ keeping the place nicely decorated?

Like you I also would stop going to the property, that way you'll no longer be expected or need to pay for wear and tear that you haven't caused.

Is it your parents paying for their flights also?

Leave your parents to pay for the upkeep, they must be able to afford to if they can keep letting your Dsis and her famil stay for free.

If it was offered as free, then yes I agree. But the parents have asked for a contribution and it's repeatedly not been paid.

So I would ask should you expect your sister to be okay with you failing to cover your costs when asked? And leaving your parents to pick up your bill, against their repeated wishes?

There must be significant wear and tear with 6 kids.