Wwyd

[loveforautumn]

My mum and dad have a holiday home in Spain, lovely places and we've had some fab holidays over the years anyway, the upkeep of the places obviously costs and we're expected to contribute when using it which is fair enough, I wouldn't not and want to help them out. My sister however keeps going over there for free,no contribution or anything, hasn't even mentioned it. My parents just let het go and dont say anything.
What's annoying me is we're still expected to pay and if we didn't something would be said.
Am I right to feel annoyed that they go for free and im still expected to pay? We havent gone since finding out they aren't paying as i dont think its fair.

Not as galling as being disabled, or stigmatised for being on benefits despite also working.

Honestly, I could’ve written this myself about my sister, she and my BIL are total freeloaders! It’s incredibly frustrating, and I completely understand how you feel. Parents just don’t seem to see it, maybe they don’t want to cause conflict or they feel sorry for them. I’m in exactly the same boat. To be honest, saying something probably wouldn’t change much anyway but I feel you!

'Paid too much'? Do you actually know the current figures for the main benefits, or how they compare to the cost of living?

If you think contributing is the fair and right thing to do, which it is, then it really shouldn't matter what anyone else is doing. Your sister is taking advantage of your parents, that's on her for not paying her way as a decent adult, and on them for letting her. Why would you want to be as bad as her?

Are you sure she never pays them anything towards it? Or helps them out in kind in other ways?

When she's there does she buy her own food and contribute to the bills? If not that does seem unfair. Unless she's on the bones of her arse and you're a lot more wealthy. But even then she should still support herself as she would at home presumably.

It's lovely that your parents have this home for both of you to use. So ultimately I wouldn't want to get into a fal out with them over it. Are your parents content with the arrangement? If so it really is their own concern.

Is there other favouritism you feel your parents have towards your sister?

She doesn’t get to decide what to do or not do. It’s not her house.

WWYD-

I would respect that my parents obviously have their reasons and that while it might feel unfair, it’s their choice.
if it was a holiday that we enjoyed I would continue to be grateful to my parents and accept their kind offer to holiday in their property

Doubtful there sitting around if they have 6 kids

What a stupid comment.

Universal credit doesn't work like that - you have to show that you are looking for work/attending interviews ir you don't receive it. I think the op is probably being a bit economical with the facts here, or doesn't understand exactly what is going on.

OP, who would benefit by you not going? (apart from your own feelings of what is fair - and that is perfectly reasonable).

You and your dh/dc miss out on going to a familiar, presumably nice, holiday spot. You and your dp might have to pay a lot more to go to a similar destination.

Your parents miss out on not having the small amount of money that you pay them, and they have their property empty and unused for longer [assuming your dsis doesn't use that as an excuse to go more often]

Your dsis will carry on doing what she is doing. She will be unaffected. She won't change what she does, and your parents won't stop supporting her.

I think this is genuinely one of those times when comparison is the thief of joy. If you and your dp/dc enjoy going there, feel it is good value, feel it is right to make some payment to your parents: you just have to stop looking at what is happening elsewhere.

If none of them are working because they simply don’t want to, although they have 6 children to provide for, they obviously get money from somewhere. So universal credit or not, something works like that in the UK.

It’s not something I would want to contribute to, and it does seem to be fairly common in the UK that people just don’t work or couldn’t care less about contributing to society.

If the post is real.

Well, your sister & BiL's whole life style is paid for by the rest if us. How are your parents not deeply ashamed of having such a useless scrounger of a daughter & son-in-law?

I would be so annoyed over this.

And out of pettiness I would just stop going there and use your money somewhere else.

If they are on a lower income to you then fair enough they pay less but to never pay anything and you pay every time takes the actual piss.

And the fact they’re not working is an even bigger slap in the face, so you’re being punished for working.

You find it galling that disabled people go on holiday?

The parents could just refuse money from both of them. I suspect there’s a back story that explains why they don’t.

Six kids, and living on benefits?

that sounds like a horrendous life to me. I don’t want to defend them but I doubt they get much chance to just ‘sit on their arses’, they must be exhausted coping with that handful (yes, yes, I know nobody forced them into that lifestyle, but it just sounds incredibly depressing to me!)

Sounds to me like the OP's sister and her partner are a lazy pair of scroungers, and think it's OK to take from the OP's parents. Personally, as a parent I would say, 'if you don't contribute, you're not getting the keys!' They need to take some responsibility for their lives.

I think that whenever a government tries to do something about poverty, and attempts to support people who are really struggling (for whatever reason), then you are going to get some people who try to take advantage of the situation. Really disappointing and frustrating, but the majority of people in the UK absolutely are not like that, and I resent you suggesting that we are!

I would hate to live somewhere where people on a low income weren't given adequate support, and no - the benefits system in the UK doesn't work in the way the op has described... I think she might have massaged the facts slightly in order to gain maximum sympathy for herself.

I don't blame you, OP. 6 children, two lay abouts for parents, living off taxpayer money. Can somehow afford flights for 8 for holidays, too when so many working parents with only 2 children can't! It grates.

If I was you I'd stop going immediately - any money you contribute for running costs/maintenance etc. is essentially subsidising your lazy sister and her partner and kids......

If you’re happy to pay I can’t see the impact on you if they don’t pay.

Your sister has got a charmed life hasn’t she.

Her and her husband are takers.

In my book it’s one for one and one for all, so if she’s freeloading, your parents shouldn’t be charging you either.

I didn’t say it’s the majority, but quite a lot compared to many other countries. I live in a society where people like to contribute, people who can work and I don’t mind paying 50% tax so that we can have an equal society. It works well, and nowhere near the benefit system UK has, where some people (as you say) just couldn’t be bothered working.

But OP hasn’t come back to clarify things, so who knows.

You need to weigh up - how much is the contribution you make vs what you would pay for a full-cost holiday. If there isn’t much difference then crack on.

If it’s still vastly cheaper then wind your neck in. You don’t have to agree with your sister’s choices. I certainly don’t. But I wouldn’t deprive me and my family of a cheaper holiday just because I don’t agree with my sister’s life choices.

In short, what your sister and your parents agree between them has got absolutely nothing to do with you. (If anyone knows the Michael Whitehall meme then yes I am saying it in that tone of voice)

I can assure you if they have 6 kids they most certainly don’t have the luxury of “sitting on their arses all day doing nothing”.

You sound like a Daily Mail’s target audience wet dream.

Those bloody lazy UC recipients and their kids that they keep popping out, am I right?!

Give over.

(Kind regards, a mum of more than 6 that is totally fed up with this stereotypical bullcrap).