Wwyd

[loveforautumn]

My mum and dad have a holiday home in Spain, lovely places and we've had some fab holidays over the years anyway, the upkeep of the places obviously costs and we're expected to contribute when using it which is fair enough, I wouldn't not and want to help them out. My sister however keeps going over there for free,no contribution or anything, hasn't even mentioned it. My parents just let het go and dont say anything.
What's annoying me is we're still expected to pay and if we didn't something would be said.
Am I right to feel annoyed that they go for free and im still expected to pay? We havent gone since finding out they aren't paying as i dont think its fair.

Sitting at home is definitely something we wont be doing!

Maybe you will receive a larger chunk in your parents will?
Do you think your parents are doing this because it is for the children? Six children is a lot! But for your parents they might be great fun to have on holiday.
I do feel for you, it is awful to always be the paying daughter

They have had their flights paid for on more than one occasion that I know of

With 6 children they won’t be doing nothing, that would be a full time job even if most were in school, daren’t think about the food prep, laundry, getting them ready for school, tidying the house etc. It’s not fair but you do earn more and the kids probably wouldn’t get a holiday if your sister had to pay so I would just suck it up and hope they all have a good time.

Do your parents need your funds to contribute to keeping the property or are you just topping up eg the cleaner for the period you’re there? If the latter, enjoy the subsidised break - if the former, time for a discussion on how the property is kept longer term?

Bigger picture, I can only imagine how frustrating it must be to have a sibling like this but the long and short is your parents can gift whatever money they want. Are they aware of how this makes you feel?

they have six kids and live on benefits?????

Yanbu.
I wouldn't dream of using it again.
Your parents want to play favourites with your lazy sibling, so be it.
Do your own thing going forward.

I'd mind the six kids, living on benefits free holidays thing too. yes it makes me nasty but I would. I think I'd just back out of using the holiday home, as I believe you have said you will. You can't do anything about what your parents choose to do with their money but you can stop contributing and hopefully this will make you feel better.

hey I have got 8!!! kids and we never go on holiday, send me some money please. (joking but you get my point)

Have you asked your parents why your sister isn’t expected to pay? It could be that despite your sister’s laziness, your parents don’t want to see their grandchildren miss out on a holiday.

Unless the six kids are 2 sets of triplets, or 3 sets of twins, and assuming none of the children have disabilities, they'll get the same amount of UC as a couple with 2 children.

Your sister & her bf are professional grifters - if they are perfectly able to work benefits should be stopped, 6 kids ffs......it is too easy to live off the state. Your parents appear to condone this.

I would definitely mention that it's unfair to your parents and maybe they could have a work with her.
If nothing is done then I wouldn't stress too much about it x

I am with the op…everyone needs to work if they can.

Clear favouritism. I wouldn't go anymore.

WWID? I would mind my own business and would help my parents out by paying my way. I would also be grateful that I had access to a nice holiday home. My sister’s behaviour has nothing to do with me.

A benefits bashing thread artfully disguised as a family dynamics thread. It was all going so well until the living on Universal Credit bit, swiftly followed by the six children and then the classic sitting on their arses ALL DAY trope. Bingo.

It depends on when the children were born. If they were born before the 2 child limit came in they would still receive UC for those children. I have a friend with 5 kids, all born before 2017, which she gets UC for.

The system is abused by a lot of people who fabricate or over-exaggerate physical or mental ailments in order to get it.

SIL2 and her DH are a bit like this. Creative artists who've never had full time jobs, always skint, always with their hand out. MIL sweeps it under the carpet - SIL2 being so academically clever and talented and with such a social conscience, etc.

Her children are grown up now, one's a weed addicted gamer who works part-/time, one's started uni and a few jobs and has dropped out and is very dysfunctional, another has been a little more focused but on completion of an apprenticeship needs to find himself. None of the DC have partners or close friends. SIL is very socially awkward.

It is never acknowledged but now the dc are grown up it is blindingly obvious they and SIL 2 are neuro-diverse. I'm now pretty sure that with hindsight FIL would have been high functioning ASD. None of this is acknowledged.

Do you think there is more going on than appears on the surface @loveforautumn

Do you know why neither your sister or brother in law are unemployed? One of them must surely have worked at some time. What sort of place do they live in with their big family?

If they have no medical conditions/disabilities or very young children the only way they will get universal credit is by evidencing they are looking for work, applying and interviewing for jobs. If they don't it gets stopped so sounds like there is more to this than you know

I’d pay.
Providing it’s not bankrupting you, and if it is I wouldn’t go.
I suspect what you do pay is less than it would cost to go elsewhere, and you make some great memories whilst you’re there.
It’s shitty that your DS doesn’t pay, and doesn’t get pressured to. But that’s a reflection on her, and your parents.
You can still do right by them, knowing you didn’t take the piss.

Unless you’d rather spend the money going elsewhere, I wouldn’t cut my nose to spite my face. I think you can make yourself miserable thinking about the ‘fairness’ of things in life.

Your first post says that you expect and want to contribute to costs ; it's fair and reasonable. As a separate issue, your sister doesn't expect or want to pay and for whatever reason your parents haven't asked her to. It's not your business really. You are doing the right thing which is what matters.

I can see why you'd feel that this was unfair, but I'd probably just let it go, especially if you can afford to pay the contribution.

It can be hard sometimes for parents to be fair to their kids. My in-laws spent thousands on my DH's brother and his family, they had kids very young, and needed the help - the in-laws paid fuel bills, often bought shopping, sometimes helped with rent, did childcare almost full time, they took them on holiday to Florida and Tenerife. They gave us nothing, because we didn't need it.

But my DH decided years ago to let it go. Was it fair? - probably not. But did it matter? - not really.