To be annoyed at my friend ordering food for me?

[Imdunfer]

First occasion we agreed to meet friends at a restaurant and we turned up bang on time, to find that the husband had already ordered garlic pizza as a starter and expected us all to share it and not order starters of our own.

I particularly wanted a starter that's unique to that restaurant, and had been looking forward to it all day, and had to really stick to my guns as the husband tried to bully me into sharing the starter I didn't want.

I thought it was the husband and when we met without him there I asked what was going on with "Fred" ordering for us and she said it was just him. But it happened again recently so I'm not so sure.

Second occasion I was 10 minutes late to lunch with the wife but had texted ahead to apologise. This was the first time I have ever been late meeting her in 25 years. She had already ordered what I usually, but not always, eat and drink. It was 12.40, I hadn't made her desperately late getting lunch and she's not diabetic or anything else that would need her to eat at a particular time to within 10 minutes.

In both situations, the bill is split with each pair/ person paying half.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? Is this some kind of weird power play, or what?
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With respect (very sorry about your sister) posters shouldn’t use their own personal tragedy to minimise other people’s threads. It’s like when someone says their mother has really upset them and a poster will say I’d do anything to have my mum back upsetting me. (I actually lost my own mum last year). I truly am sorry about your sister.

We don't usually eat out as a foursome with this couple, we more normally eat at each other's houses. But this wasn't about money, it was about him wanting garlic bread (it's actually a whole full size garlic pizza) as a starter and not to have any other starters before the main courses were ordered. The garlic pizza was already on the table when we arrived, bang on time. It was very peculiar! It won't be happening again.

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She did

I particularly wanted a starter that's unique to that restaurant, and had been looking forward to it all day, and had to really stick to my guns as the husband tried to bully me into sharing the starter I didn't want.

Sorry op that some people are being jerks on here. I’m sure they’d be happy with someone else ordering food for them 🙄

stick to your guns. If you want a specific starter, then you have what you want. And if you’re ever late again, just say “Hi, running 10 mins late, be there asap. Please don’t order for me as I know what I’m having 😀”. And if the husband does order for you all again, just stop going for dinner.

You sounded very much like you did! Like it was any sort of reason because OP was 10 mins late, it was acceptable.

Clearly, this was not correct then?

Ok the dozens of times you have socialised with these very close friend couple

happy, enjoyable, respectful? No whiff of issues?

Of course YANBU OP.

It’s not up to others to spend your money to meet their own food preferences.

It's not dozens of times as a foursome, it's a handful. I'm not sure what relevance any issues I and other people might have with him has to the question about whether or not it is reasonable for him to have ordered food before we arrived on time?

But in the dozens of times you have met your friend for food…, she’s respectful, kind, enjoyable company…. No whiff that she’s on a latent power trip waiting for her one opportunity to order for you?

You won’t be having a foursome again
or
you will manage to articulate your desire to order a starter of your choice?

"Always'? "very often?" (I've seen just two threads withdrawn by MNHQ due to the OP being previously banned, so this is just more ignorance and hyperbole from you.) I don't know why you're even on MN if you're so convinced posters are "always" (see what I did there?) lying. Oh, yes I do - because you could have an argument in an empty room. 🙄

But you suspect it might be your friend and not him! But it happened again recently so I'm not so sure.

I don’t think this op is lying

but some are

and I’ve seen you always come down like a sack of brick on anyone questioning an op that to many of us is talking shit (not this one) and then pffft it goes.

Again not really relevant to the question. I'm not about to start discussing a good friend's presided foibles on mumsnet, we've all got some.
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But don’t you see that it is relevant

shes been a close friend for 25 years
you have met you dozens upon dozens of time
And on the basis of two meals out… you think that it’s sign she’s engaging in a power play over you?

But this thread you’ve started is about you thinking she’s on some kind of power trip over you

that isn’t a “foible”

Unless it would cause my friend real upset to refuse (for example if she asks us to do a special meal for her birthday), the former. Ordering food i don't want to eat is one thing, bullying me to accept it when I've made it clear I want something different is another altogether.

I have always articulated my desires for the starters I choose when eating out, so nothing changes there.

You do enjoy scrapping, don't you?

I’ll leave you to it

i think of my two closest friends of 27 years and honestly can’t fathom starting a thread about this, and not at the time have laughed and said “hey, I fancy the scallops” and they’d have likely said “we were bloody starving @Merciboc !!” And then the conversation moved on (whilst I tucked in to my scallops and probably ended up sharing with the pair anyway!

you crack on, I have no advice on this because…. All a bit weird and alien to me!

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

Book another meal.

You mean just like she did this time? In her very first post: "I ... had to really stick to my guns as the husband tried to bully me into sharing the starter I didn't want."

This is very strange behaviour. Even if you're running late, they were welcome to text you/phone you and ask if they wanted you to order something and get the drinks in. Not just go ahead. I wouldn't be impressed if someone ordered for me, I'm not a child.

More nonsense. I defended one PP whose thread was subsequently pulled by MNHQ because she'd been previously banned (even then I don't know why she'd been banned).

That was not correct

I’d be pissed & say that’s not what I wanted