AIBU to wonder my manager lied about her daughter’s school?

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Not sure if I’m overthinking this or if something odd is going on.

A while ago, my manager and I were chatting about our kids. She was asking about SATs for her 8-year-old DD. I explained what I knew and also mentioned the 11+ since my DS (14) is at a grammar school and went through the process.
She said her daughter isn’t really into study so there is no point getting a tutor. She made it sound like school isn’t really her thing.

Then just the other day, I overheard her telling someone else at work that her daughter is at a private grammar school. That really threw me, especially after our earlier conversation. I did not say anything, but I felt a bit taken aback.

I get that people do not always share everything, and maybe she didn’t want to go into it before, but it felt like a lie especially after she asked me for info and gave the impression her daughter wouldn’t be doing anything like the 11+. Why say all that if her daughter is already at a private grammar?

AIBU to feel confused and like she was being a bit dishonest?

Move on and find something better to do.

It doesn't work like that Bossy Knickers. You may have started the thread but you don't own it and people can follow threads for as long as they want and comment as they please.

It's ironic that you say you've started the thread to vent about what your manager said and asking for views. But now you have got all cross about posters expressing views which do not concur with yours to the extent that you are trying to order people off "your" thread. As for asking why people are commenting on a thread they think is nonsense, well, the unrelenting ridiculousness of it is like watching a car crash - don't want to look but can't look away.

Spare me the lecture. I know how forums work. I never said I owned the thread. But if you think it is so ridiculous and beneath you, then spending this much time following and commenting on it just makes you look bored and bitter.

If it really is like a car crash to you, maybe take a bit of accountability for the fact that you're standing at the edge gawking instead of walking away like a normal person. No one asked you to play thread police, so if it annoys you that much, close the thread and move on.

I think you’re seriously over estimating the entrance assessments for the majority of private junior schools.

close the thread and move on.

You can't make me, so ... NO.

Not for the one the manager's daughter is going to, as several of my friends DC have attended the same school.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

You're really calling PP bored and bitter?Surely you can see the irony, your posts scream bitter. You're getting more and more irrational as time goes on. I think people can't look away, because you're spiralling and like every good plot line they want to see the conclusion. Admitting you may have got this slightly wrong may be the least likely outcome, but we are rooting for it. Having progressively worsening tantrums is more likely and I can't deny it makes for interesting viewing too.

You are possibly quite lovely outside the realms of MN I just hope Monday isn't too awkward after all this excitement. Gawd can you imagine if someone from your office has read this 🙈

As if spending this much time arguing with so many people, after asking for their perspectives on the most irrelevant of issues, doesn’t make you look like an immature and unhinged odd ball.

Coming from someone who’s still here obsessively commenting on a thread you claim is irrelevant, that’s pretty rich. If anyone looks like an unhinged oddball, it’s the person wasting their time throwing insults at a stranger online over something they supposedly do not care about. You must be really bored.

Good. Hopefully everyone can see you for what you are now OP, and no more well meaning posters’ time will be wasted on this nonsense.

Yes, I called them bored and bitter because they are still here hurling insults on a thread they claim is pointless. That is classic keyboard warrior behaviour. You trying to wrap that up as entertainment or some kind of plot twist says more about your need for drama than anything about me.

I am not spiralling, I am just standing my ground after being repeatedly mocked and misrepresented. You do not have to agree with me, but pretending this is some kind of public meltdown is ridiculous. I am not bothered if someone read it from the office and roll on Monday!

And hopefully everyone can see you for what you are. Someone who lurks on a thread they claim to hate just to throw out smug, self righteous comments. If you think it is nonsense, you have had every chance to move on. The only one wasting time here is you.

On top of that, she is heavily involved in the school, regularly goes to events, and talks about her daughter’s schooling in detail. This is not someone who is disconnected or unaware of what is going on.

Hang on. You know your manager's very involved with the school, you know the sorts of things she takes part in at the school, and she talks about her daughter's schooling in detail. So there's lots of general school conversation, clearly. And you have several friends connected to the same school. But you didn't even know which school this kid was going to. You hadn't put two and two together?

The more you add, the less believable it becomes. This woman can't have said and acted all the ways you've described.

Yes, I knew she was involved in her daughter’s school and talked about it generally, but she never named the school until I overheard her mention it to someone else. She always referred to it as an ordinary school.

And no, I had not put two and two together before that because there are plenty of schools in the area and not everyone shares every detail. It is completely believable that someone can talk about being involved in school life without naming the school or being upfront about the fact that it is private.

But you do everything you accuse others of doing. It may not be right, or fair, but you are the one that is coming off unhinged. Anyway I shall try not to comment again as this has just dissolved into a nonsensical argument where you're now just batting off 'keyboard warriors' whilst appearing to also be a 'keyboard warrior'.

Ps. Whatever you say about it not being a public melt down, I think you have spiralled a bit and a nice cup of chamomile tea would be a timely addition to your evening.

I just had a cup of tea, thank you.

Have a lovely weekend.

Wow; what a thread!
Private school mum here, keen to add my tuppence worth. I think it quite likely that your manager is doing as many of us are doing now; keeping our heads down and downplaying the fact we pay for private education, all the time while feeling vilified for making that choice (and paying VAT on top). I expect she’s also genuinely interested in how a grammar school works in terms of exam system as that’s not something I’m too familiar with (as you wouldn’t be familiar with Common Entrance). Let it go; move on and stop being so unpleasant. Just be delighted that your child has made it into a (non fee paying) grammar school - wish mine had that opportunity!!!

Honestly, I didn’t know if either of my children were going to sit SATs until they left year 6 and hadn’t sat them.

I would absolutely describe my child as excelling at school, she’s well settled and loves it. She still (probably) wouldn’t get into a state grammar. She’s on sports teams, does her homework without a fuss and enjoys almost every minute of school. To me, she is amazing and she’s doing amazingly. But that doesn’t mean she’s particularly academic.

No worries at all about anyone wanting to keep their head down for paying for private. I get that completely. But in this case, she directly asked me which school my son goes to, while giving a totally false impression about her own situation and hiding the fact that her daughter is at a private school.

I am not being unpleasant, I am just trying to understand why she would lie.

And for the record, I am absolutely delighted that my son got into a grammar school. I rarely mention it unless someone asks me directly, which she did.

Seriously? The clue would have been that no one at the school ever mentioned SATs in the first place. If no teacher, no newsletter, no parent meeting, and nothing on the website brought it up, then it should not have been much of a surprise when your children did not sit them.

SATs are a huge part of Year 6 in state schools. They are discussed constantly. If they were never mentioned, it should have been obvious your school was not doing them. That is kind of the whole point I am making. When a school does not do SATs, it is pretty clear. So pretending not to know, or acting like your child will be doing them when they will not, just does not add up.

What people are really struggling with here, op, is why it matters? Who cares? She’s a work colleague. You’re free to discuss or withhold whatever personal information you choose with her and she’s free to do the same. Whether or not she lied to you purposely is completely irrelevant and I’m at a loss to understand why you care so much.

How would you know if you’d never experienced SATs in a state school? How would you know they’re discussed a lot? Why would you expect to hear anything about SATs when your child isn’t anywhere near year 6.

Your thought processes are bizarre.

What is the point of Mumsnet then? Have you never posted about something that made you wonder?

Just because I started a thread about it does not mean I care about it deeply or that it is consuming my life. That is a completely normal thing to do on a discussion forum. If it is not something you care about, fair enough but no one is forcing you to engage.

Because SATs are a major part of state school life by the time children reach upper Key Stage 2. You do not need to have a child in Year 6 to be aware of that if you are engaged with the school or speak to other parents. Most schools start talking about SATs well before Year 6. It comes up in newsletters, parent meetings and sometimes even in Year 5 prep.

If you are involved in your child’s education and your school does SATs, you will know about them.

Yes, seriously.
If I was guessing, it would be because they aren’t a big deal in private schools because the government doesn’t play a role in private schools’ performance, so even if they are done they’re not the all-encompassing insanity that I’ve read about them being in state schools. I genuinely didn’t know if they were doing them. It made no difference to me, but I am curious about them because it just all sounds completely crazy. I’d have probably asked you about them too.

FWIW they also do this ‘really big deal’ entrance exam for senior school, which is the test that the children entering at year 7 do. Apparently it is the 11+. I only know this now because I asked off the back of this thread. Again, it wasn’t treated as any big deal at all and we weren’t aware of when it was taking place or anything. So the hysteria is not universal over tests and exams for 11 year olds, I can assure you! For the children already in the school (my child) it’s just used to put them into sets, as their place is guaranteed anyway.